is it really over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
is it really over?
4
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 4:01pm

Is it really over? I have been asking myself this question for the past 3 days(today being day three). You ever wonder why you count the days after the last time you talked to him? Lets see, Friday was the fight, SAT no call, Sun no call, Mon(not over yet) no call. So thats technically three days right?

I am a hopeless romantic which an outside shell so thick a nuclear bomb would have to be used to get to my heart. Well this one guy I have been dating off and on since Valentine's Day 2003 had one. And he just decided not to stay for the cleanup(Cold War). His main thing was did we rush into this? After knowing you for 2 years, 9 months(exactly) this is not enough time for you to decide whether you want me or not? Well, he is an ex that I broke up with fall 03 then we befriended each other for another year and got back together this year in MAY. Now we have broken it off again. I told him this time it wasn't going to be me who made the mistake of letting go. And he promised me, while holding me so close i was breathing his breath, that he would not leave me again. Then what did he do not to my surprise?

"I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I don't have what you need and I don't want to hold you back from getting what you need. I have so many other things on my plate that I can't spend the time you want in this relationship with you. " His exact words.

Okay, but you have the time to walk around my house like you live there, eat the food that i cooked(for you), and make love to me in a bed full of roses and in a hottub filled with floating candles and lets not forget the champagne. MEN!!!!!!

All of it was a fluke. That's what it was.
I am so heart-broke but i am getting better. I went out on a date. Then I cried on the date and realized maybe i wasn't ready. What do you think? I am crazy, i know.
i just want to sit at home and watch Sex and the City all day until I fall asleep and wake back up and watch it all over again.
I wonder when he will call, if he will call, and then I remember those words and I hope he never calls.
You know, I think its weird how you can have been in love before and loved someone so much before but everytime it's all over you feel freshly hurt, Like you have never been through this before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 11:32am

Yup, that's precisely what happened to me. >:( Same scenario. Guy said he wasn't ready for a relationship but practically lived with me for over a year and acted in all respects like I was his girlfriend. I finally got up the strength to walk away . It hurt like hell but I knew all the while I deserved better, and you do too!!

Now he's mad at me for leaving and "ruining a good thing!" HA! Let some other girl deal with this wishy washy guy I want a guy who wants me as much as I want him and treats me like it too!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 3:27pm
I know but when i think about all the times he laid there with me and held me and talked to me until i was snoring, it hurts to know that he cant make up his mind. We have argued about this before but i said that i would wait for him. and then HE started calling me his girlfriend. i dont even know how this whole thing started. all i know is that i would give anything to have him back with me.
Then I think that I am too much for this bull and there is someone out there who wants to love someone just as much as I do. And he can kiss it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 10:40pm

Hi Goddess Fefe,
I just read your posting and got goosebumps because I have had the similar experience! I met my love on Valentines day 2004 and had a great relationship until he broke my heart to move to a different state on Oct 31st (Halloween). Then 4 months later, I find out that he wants to be with me...had been trying to reach me unsuccessfully (I changed my phone # and email address...and never contacted him).

So feeling that this was fate and that He is the One...I take him back. Emotionally it was hard for me to trust him but I tried and he was there for me. We have been having a long distance relationship this year starting on Valentines day 2005. Then he broke up with me again at Halloween because now I want more than that...I want to move in with him, marry him and such. He says that "I am not ready right now. There are so many things I want to do before gettting married". The best thing that I am doing right now is just taking it easy, having no contact with him and focusing on myself. I feel so dumb too because I am going through this breakup with the same man for the second time!

Now get this, I still do feel that he is the one and in some weird way,I know I will marry him (don't ask me why...I acted on my instincts)...so I am thinking of moving to his state and settling down! Surprise! I do want him back someday but I want him to beg and plead for me for atleast 6 months before I will even consider. The best thing to do I figured, would be to turn the tables on him. If he really loves me and wants me...then, he has to realize that the hard way.

I definitely also want to take some time off relationships and just be single for about a year or more. Give me some time to love myself, my girlfriends and my family.

Thank you for sharing your story

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 2:50pm

Mary9901,

I am totally feeling you on the be by yourself for a while thing. I am doing the same. Men, they act ad if they dont want you but wont let go. I dont think i agree with uprooting your life for a man who wont do the same for you. But i do agree with the making him wait for 6 months (or more) and he has to kiss you feet until his lips turn blue befoe he can get back with you. You give a man so much, and more the second time. And all they do is break your heart, once more. my Ex called me on SUnday, more than a week after the end, acted as if it was all good. For the past week I have been contemplating on how to get back at him and then when calls acts I act as if everything is cool. But he doesn't need to know that I am mad, I will show him that I wont care either. And he's going have to kiss it for a long time before he gets back tot his. Ia m in the MAD stages now......