Is it regret or game playing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Is it regret or game playing?
6
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 11:06am
So, I've been dating this guy since New Year's Eve. He recently broke up with me. He said he needed to focus on his life right now and college and all that. He is much younger than me which I understand. He said he just can't offer me a relationship anymore but wants to be my friend. Well, he didn't lie or cheat or intentionally hurt me so I think I should be his friend. So, why is it that he doesn't go more than one day without calling me or texting? We just broke up two days ago and last night he already called to invite me over to hang out. (I told him I was tired and we'd do it a different night) I get that he wants to be friends but don't you think this is maybe an attempt to still keep me around? And if in fact he needs to focus on his life and not pay so much attention to a girlfriend then maybe he shouldn't still want me around. Can anyone help with this? I really love this guy, he is kind and considerate and smart. I do want to be with him, but I want him to be with me. I figured if I backed off and gave him some space to deal with himself, he would maybe eventually want me back. Now, I'm not sitting around waiting for him, I'm going to live my life. But I honestly thought he would just want me more the space and time away I created. Now, I'm not sure if I want him back or not. I know he isn't a bad guy but I still feel like he is playing with me. I'm not sure of his feelings, (though he says I'll always be more than a friend to him) and terrified to ask him anything for fear that he will just run off. Please help. I don't know what to do and I'm not sure what he is wanting
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 11:41am

thedutchess,

I wouldn't read too much into his actions unless he specifically says he wants to try the relationship again. Trying to speculate almost always spells trouble. Even though you haven't been dating all that long, it's easy to get into a routine and he might not have broken that routine of calling/texting/e-mailing you yet.

You're right that the only way for him to initiate getting back together is if he has time to miss you and time to realize he wants you back. So, even if it is he that is continuing the contact, I would definitely try to stop responding as much as possible (without appearing as if you're ignoring him) to give him that time.

Kudos on living your life without worrying about him though--that's great!



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uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2007
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 11:44am

IMHO, he wants his cake and eat it too. His idea of friendship maybe a FWB situation. So he doesn't have the responsibility of a relationship, but he can still have some of the perks of "hanging" out with you when he can.

Its unlikely he can be friends with you in 2 days....unless he was friends all along and you were not aware of it. At either rate, I think you are the one who is apt to get hurt here and I would be very careful. I dont think his intentions are to just hang out, they are to fulfill his needs. And since you do love him, this would not be a good situation to put yourself into. So many women write on this board about the "sex with the ex" and how poorly it made them feel afterwards- dont give him that satisfaction if indeed that is where his head is at.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 6:41pm
yeah I know what you mean. The same thing has happened to me. I think some guys want to have their cake and eat it too. Try not to get your hopes up and don't put all your eggs in one basket. That's what I've done. =)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 11:03pm
Ahem, not all guys are like that...My ex left me when I loved her the most and she wanted to stay friends. Why I ask? For her emotional reasons. I decided to not stick around. Sometimes I think I'm the only guy on these boards so Idk haha.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 11:41pm
its really between who got dumped or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 11:45pm
Umm, well yeah you're most likely right. My case was different so I can't say the same. I can't really say anything about women. We have issues too haha.