Is it regret or guilt?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2007
Is it regret or guilt?
2
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 6:48pm

Hi everyone....

I just recently split up with my boyfriend of 2 years. We had been living together for about 6 months. He was a great guy and I know he loved me very much. And in many ways I loved him too. But he could not do anything for himself. He needed my help for everything. His attitude towards his life was just terrible and I couldn't take the misery anymore. He was terrible with money ( I had to put him on a weekly schedule for his share of the rent because he couldn't handle budgeting for the month). I had been supporting him financially for a year because he lost his job. I bought him a used car, paid his insurance and cell bills and let him borrow ten bucks here and there for gas. When we talked about marriage, I wanted us to sit down with our credit reports and see what the deal was so we knew where we had to go with finances. He refused to do this and always had some excuse for not wanting to talk to me about it or tell me why. I always had to ask for help around here and hardly ever got it. He often just laughed me off or said he forgot. It's hard working two jobs and coming home to a sink of dirty dishes and then hearing "What's for dinner". We were constantly arguing and one day he just started to scream at me. He told me he hated his life with me, that I was a nag. I broke at that point and told him to leave. I couldn't take it anymore and I wasn't happy. He cried and begged but eventually he left. He moved out the next day. Most loose ends have been tied up and we have not been speaking except for a few emails here and there about little things we have to deal with like belongings and mail.

Anyway, I've been doing very well and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me. But today for some reason I began to miss him. Maybe it's because Im sick and I know if he was here, he would help take care of me. Or if it's just a healthy, natural reaction. Then there's the part of me that feels guilty. I hate hurting people and I know thats what I did to him.

so anyway.... I'm not sure if I'm just ranting or if maybe someone has experienced the same thing and has some advice.

anything will help.

Shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 7:39pm

Welcome to the board shann512,


Grief is a process and I think when you are sick (feeling vulnerable) that it's normal to want to seek comfort in the familiar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 8:59pm

Missing him is a totally healthy and natural behavior, as long as ou don't feel as though you have to act on it by doing something hurtful to yourself, such as taking him back. I'd probably wonder what was wrong with you, broken inside of you if you didn't miss the person you broke up with at least a little.

Don't feel guity about hurting him, you probably did him a favor in the long run. He was acting like a child because you were treating him like one, paying for his bills and car and even spending money, instead of insisting and encouraging him to stand on his own two feet. Every person needs to be able to do that, and being his crutch made you feel needed, but really wasn't good for him. Or you, for that matter.

Follow the guidelines in "How to Get Over Your Breakup" in the Resources section, they'll help. They always do. Welcome to the board.

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