It Seems Surreal

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
It Seems Surreal
5
Sun, 05-27-2007 - 4:13pm
I broke up with bf night before last. My initial feeling (this is actually our 2nd time to break up) was relief but also mixed with sadness. I really did ok yesterday, but today it just all seems surreal. Like I think about something we used to do together and the thought comes over me that we won't be doing that any more. I am not angry with him and I do not hate him. I just could not get past certain things about him. I know the breakup makes sense and there wasn't any point in continuing to try working on something that I knew was not going to work, but somehow it just doesn't seem real--almost like a dream. When we started seeing each other the 2nd time I had so much doubt and we talked and argued about everything that led to our 1st breakup. I don't think I ever really committed myself and was taking a "let's see" kind of attitude. In the end I just realized that we have too many differences that were important to me (he said they didn't bother him that much) for us to make it for the long haul. If you have doubts about a relationship before you're even married, that should be a huge red flag, right? So it's over--again. I'm sad but I cried so much when we broke up the 1st time I really haven't cried much this time. But I do feel like crap most of the time because I miss him and I'm sad and I know he's sad and hurting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: lani57
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 5:36pm

Welcome to the board lani57,


I hope you find comfort here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
In reply to: lani57
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 8:38pm
Thanks, Carrie. It's funny how when I was stuck in a state of limbo I was so miserable, so I pushed myself to make this decision. Once I made it I felt better, though I knew I still had to get through the breakup and deal with the pain afterward. Even though it was what I knew I had to do and I felt some sense of relief, there is still so much sadness for what might have been. And I miss him. It seems so strange that he won't be in my life anymore, at least not as a boyfriend. It still doesn't quite seem real. I guess that will get better with time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: lani57
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 10:17pm

I'm so right there with you.... the what could have been part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
In reply to: lani57
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 10:39pm

"But on the up side, he's shown me real love, romance and communication. So now I know it's really possible to have that in my life and I will not settle for less. I trust in the Universe/God to bring me the real version of this preview."

That is the positive side to all this--knowing that we can feel that way. If we felt it once we can feel it again. This man came along when I had not even really dated for several years after my 2nd divorce. He was the 1st person I got involved with and I remember thinking though it was probably too good to be true, we were so lucky to have found each other. I had stronger feelings for him than I have had for anyone since even before my marriage, and that gives me hope that I can love again. He also made me feel beautiful and brought me out of a lot of my sexual shyness, which should help me down the road ; )

I just need to pay closer attention to those red flags and determine my deal-breakers before I get too far in. That's always been my problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: lani57
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 10:41pm
Being aware is half the battle. Stay in touch with those feelings.