it sme again- in need of help again
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it sme again- in need of help again
| Thu, 03-24-2005 - 1:33pm |
OK, Its been a while since I've written, so I guess that means my life has been ok. Well here it goes. Every since me and my ex have broken up we have still talked (going on 4 months) He has a gf who he loves, but is not in love with (suppossedly) Well she found out that he had still been seeing me and talking to me and was very upset and said that if he went back with me and it ends up the way it always does that she won't be around next time to help him. Anyway, I have changed so much since he and I broke up. He finally sees that I thought. Anyway, this past weekend he was suppossed to go tot he beach with her (by themselves) but they got in a fight and he wouldn't go so he and I went to out of town top visit his sister Saturday night and had the most awesome time. We had so much fun. Well Sunday shes back at his house so they could talk. Well I called her Sunday and he told her that he loved her but he was in love with me and all of this bs. Well "nothing has changed" between them. But tells me that he loves me and he wants me back hes just scared. Well duh so am I.. Well I went to his house on Tuesday night and one of my friends suppsoedly called her and told her that I was staying with him which is bs because no one knew. Someone called his cell phone from a blocked number at 3 am. Does he not put 2 and 2 together and realize she had someone ride by his house. Anyway, she stayed with him last night and he always calls me in the morning. He didn't call this mornign and i finally got in touch with him and asked why he hadn't called and he said he was mad at me becuase everytime he thinks I've changed I go and do high school bs, I had no idea what he was talking about. I swear I had no one call her. If I would've wanted her to know I wouldve called myself. Well now he won't answer my calls or anything. hes done this before twice. The first time he didn't call for a week the second he didnt' call for 2 weeks. I have let him go twice and he keeps coming back. Why is he doing this again. I love him so much and I just want to make him happy. What do I do????? please help

What do you do!? Seriously you are asking what you should do!?? OMG wake UP! What are you doing with your life? Do you hate yourself that much? You are allowing him to use you. You are allowing him to be your priority while you allow yourself to be his option. You want to make him happy? You will never make him happy. You can't make him be anything. What you can "make" is yourself happy by putting an end to betraying yourself like this time and again. You love him so much? Are you kidding me? What on this planet is so loveable about him? The way he cares about you? Uhm, nope, as evident by your postings about him that's obviously not it. His honesty and integrity and character? Nope, nope, and nope. Can't love something that ISN'T there. So what can it be? You know what it is? It's not that you love him so much you put up with it, it's that you don't love yourself enough to say enough.
I'm sorry this sounds mean, but you are doing this to yourself. You are volunteering to remain hostage to this situation YOU choose to stay in.
Here's the deal....he comes to your for unconditional adoration, unlimited attention and sex.....in short he presents himself as the king and you lick his whatever and it pleases him.
Then, he returns to her where he conducts himself like a human being and treats her decently, at least. But you're a slave and servant.
Every time that you press for more, that you ask "why aren't we back together"...why are we apart...why didn't you call....he explodes telling you that you've dnoe something wrong but won't say what, or won't listen to you about whatever accusation he's making rgarding your behavior........and you sit there groveling and sitting in your own pee....waiting for him to stop in, so you can drop to your knees and service him adoringly and then he can go back to her.
He doesn't want a relationship of equality adn mutual benefit with anybody. But with her, he's got to treat her decently, listen to waht she says, and consider what she wants and needs or else he can't be with her.
With you..he simply got to come by, drop his drawers and you're on your knees aching to please....and aching when he's gone for having stayed on your knees that long.
Very likely whatever it is that he is claiming has happened - such as someone calling her and he swears it is you...has NEVER EVEN HAPPENED. But you're so busy proving that you're not "like you were" - by tolerating whatever he says, meeting his needs wtihout communication or requirement towards you whatsoever...and defending yourself against accusations, you can't see this forwhat it is.
He's not worth having a relationship with, he's incapable of having anything but a master/slave relationship anyway. And it doesn't really matter what you want and need him to be, and thought he was, and wish he would become...he is what he is...which is not much of a human being whatsoever.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com