is it to soon for a date?
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is it to soon for a date?
| Tue, 11-21-2006 - 2:23am |
I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years about 2 weeks ago and have been completly heartbroken over it. Never in a million years would I have imagined how hard it would be. I understand what people mean when they say it is like a physical pain!
My question is about dating after a break up. I recently ran into a guy I grew up with and made plans for a date this friday. I've talked to him several times in the last few days and I am looking forword to our date...however, I feel as though I am just creating a distraction, something to take my mind off of my ex. Am I jumping back in to quickly? Part of me feels as though I am making a bad decision but I have to admit that having someone else around dulls some of the pain.
My question is about dating after a break up. I recently ran into a guy I grew up with and made plans for a date this friday. I've talked to him several times in the last few days and I am looking forword to our date...however, I feel as though I am just creating a distraction, something to take my mind off of my ex. Am I jumping back in to quickly? Part of me feels as though I am making a bad decision but I have to admit that having someone else around dulls some of the pain.

Read my post titled "How To Get Over Your Breakup,"
Can you give a suggestion on how long to wait? My relationship was 2 years and ended about 3 weeks ago, but has been rocky for several months. How will I know when I'm ready?
p.s. What is FWB?
Here's a list of questions to consider:
You probably aren't ready to date again if:
• You have maintained any sexual relationship with your ex.
• You still live with your ex, even platonically.
• You are still wearing a ring, carrying a photo, or defining yourself as part of a couple.
• You are stalking, following, harassing or frequently thinking about your ex.
• You continue to harbor overwhelming negative feelings about your ex.
• You continue to cry or be angry about the circumstances of your last relationship.
You're probably ready to date if you feel capable of facing any of the following:
• Being rejected when asking for a dance, phone number or date.
• Answering questions about your last relationship.
• Navigating misunderstandings and disagreements.
• Working through the various issues that are bound to come up.
• Rejecting someone honestly and kindly.
• Identifying, accepting and admitting strong feelings for someone new.
• Allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable, and to one day love and be loved.
Carrie
however, I feel as though I am just creating a distraction, something to take my mind off of my ex.
HELLO!! maybe you are creating a distraction-and theres nothing wrong with that. maybe thats just what you need-to go out, to relax and just enjoy yourself. would you feel this way if you were going out with a female friend?? i dont think you would-so just enjoy going out with a friend, nothing more...take care-and i hope things start going better in your life soon!!
joanne
maman2goons@aol.com
It's definitely not a matter of how much time
I guess my barometer question to you is:
Let me say from my experience, you want to get through the healing process before you date. That's not to say that I think the best way is to hole yourself up at home, but if you do go out, I think you should try to be as honest about your situation with the new person. I decided to try dating after only a few weeks after my breakup, and I just couldn't get it out of my head how much more fun the date would have been with the ex. I have gone out with the person a few times, and I can tell he feels much stronger for me and I am really not ready to be in a relationship at all. I was honest with him about the fact that I am still getting over a previous relationship, but I don't think he understands that what I meant is that I'm not emotionally available. Also, if you are like me, you might knit-pick unfairly at the new person.
It's hard, but if you can just go out and have fun then great, but you might not be ready to be open with a new 'prospect'. You just have to be really honest with yourself, and not try to fill a void that can only be filled by the person that you cannot have. I can tell you straight up that will NOT work. I think it is treading in dangerous territory to start dating too soon, b/c it will only compound the confusion if you are not ready (classic "do what I say, not what I do" kind of advice :)). Of course, the timing is completely unique to the person and each individual relationship. Best of luck to you!