Is it worth it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Is it worth it?
3
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:35pm

Dear Dating Doyenne,

I was in a relationship for 3 years. It went from being fun to really passionate and emotional. One problem, he’s Jewish and I am Catholic. We've broken up 3 times. The 1st time was because he wasn't ready. The 2nd time was because he couldn't move forward because his father kept pressuring him about such different religions and backgrounds. And this last time was because he was torn; torn between his father and not being 100% ready. But it was never because we didn’t love each other. Since our breakup, I have done all the right things to move forward. He tried contacting me to tell me he missed me and wanted to see. He said he couldn't eat, sleep or live! Then why did he breakup with me? I changed my numbers shortly after that. A couple of days later, he showed up at my place and asked my doorman if he could call me so that we could talk. When I answered he said he just wanted to ask me one thing; "why I did it?" Why I had changed my numbers and why did I cut him out so coldly. I had no choice, I was devastated and needed to try and move on. I'm very much in love with him, but why the back and forth? I gave him a chance to speak so I let him up and he said he was ready to tell his father how he felt about me and wanted me in his life. He said he was in love with me and wanted to share his days with me. He wants to give it 100%, something that he's never done in the past. What will be so different I ask myself? Will I finally be part of his Shabbat on Friday's? Will I will finally have a relationship with his family and not just our friends. Before we said good bye, I asked him why. He didn't say because I was the one, instead he said because he loved me and wanted to give this relationship 100% and go from there to see if I am the one. Am I wrong to think if he’s not ready to tell me I’m the “one” then forget it? He says he has to have it all come together to really truly know that and to have a real chance of being happy the rest of our lives. With acceptance from his family.

I don't know what to do! I love him with all that I am and I'm in so in love with him and really want things to work out. I’m just afraid of being hurt again. I was devastated when we broke up. How can 2 people that love each other so much not be together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
In reply to: goiv
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 1:20pm
Religion is definitely a delicate subject when it comes to relationships. Have you talked about how you would handle the differences if you were to get married, such as what religion to raise your children if you have them? There are a lot of interfaith marriages and there are ways of compromising so that both partner's needs are met. His family's opinion obviously means a lot to him. You'd have to ask yourself if you could deal with the possibility that if his family ultimately does not accept you, then he might leave the relationship again. I don't think you're wrong at all for thinking that he should know after 3 years if you are "the one". I would say that unless he says you are the person he wants to spend his life with, and he is planning on telling his family that and standing up to them, then it would be very risky for you to go back and get hurt again. I know this doesn't make it any easier. Keep us posted on what you decide. The board is here for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: goiv
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 1:34pm

goiv...

"How can 2 people that love each other so much not be together?"

Pianoguy's non-complex response:

Because a GREAT friendship doesn't necessarily segue (or translate) into a good relationship!

Love comes in many forms and on several levels. But whether your "lovelines" are TRULY PARALLEL with each other's is anybody's guess?

And whether you like it or not, the risk of "getting hurt" is one of the possibilities we all have to be aware of when we get (quoting the Phil Collins tune): "IN TOO DEEP!"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: goiv
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 3:40pm

Hi and welcome :)

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