is it wrong to be hurt?
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is it wrong to be hurt?
| Tue, 03-18-2008 - 10:02am |
We broke up two weeks ago after a year together and saw each other a week ago (and it was a great conversation). I know it was the right thing to do for both of us, but I really really wish it wasn't. Sunday night I decided that I need to start dating. Not seriously dating, but meeting new people. So I signed up for an on-line service that we had both previously used. He did not turn up in my matches so I was pleased. But, by Monday morning he was there. I am finding this incredibly painful .... I cried most of last night and had nightmares about him abandoning me. Am I screwed up? I posted my profile, why should I be hurt that he posted his??

Screwed up? Hardly. I'm sure any woman in her right mind just following a breakup (especially after just two weeks) would respond just as you did. From a logical point of view, it doesn't seem that you should be hurt at all. You did, in fact, post your own profile and he deserves the right to do the same if he so chooses. But the fact is, emotions aren't logical. You wonder why he isn't more upset, why he's already looking for someone new to date, and how he could possibly have moved on already. Remind yourself that he's working through the process too and might need to meet some new people as well. It's unlikely that he has bounced back already and is probably using the online service for the same reasons that you are. Also, being matched with him validates that you were right to have been with him for a season; you were compatible before, but remember that there are things that online services can't measure, like the right timing or season in life.
Don't let this stop you from moving on or trying to meet new people--but you might want to stay away from the online scene for a little longer. I truly hope today is better for you. ::hug::
uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll
Hi,
Well, you feel what you feel.... but what if after seeing your profile and being hurt he decided to post his?
Thanks to everyone for your replies.
It was a horrible day, but I did some proactive things at work (also the cause of a lot of stress right now) and signed up for a speed-dating session on Saturday. I am hoping that I can change my focus from him back to me and I can stop wanting to see him!
I would be hurt too. But yeah, I think it's true that he's probably in the same place you are, just wanting to meet new people. It's unlikely he's completely over it and ready to move on.
Hang in there.