Its been 2 months help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2007
Its been 2 months help!
4
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 9:47pm

well where to start? My ex and i split up over 2 months ago it was a bad break up which resulted in a drunken fight in which i recieved a broken rib and some minor head injuries and him a broken arm. Now i know that sounds terrible and well it is but neither of us meant for it to happen and we dealt with it in a very mature manner after. i moved out and we remained on speaking terms and then that led to us sleeping together again. well i thought things might be on the up and we would get back together again but no. he said he loved me but then his biological father showed up which he had not seen for years. he went away with his dad but before he left he again said he loved me and didn't want to leave i told him that this was something that he had to do because he was going to meet his family (previously he had had no contact with them) anyway a few days went by and i txt him and got no response so i left it until i knew he was commin back from his trip. i finally got hold of him and he said that i couldn't give him what he needed and that i never did. this really hurt me and i cut contact from him but then things went bad his dad beat him up badly and he asked me to go see him i reluctantly agreed. when i went to see him he was in a bit of a state and we got talking and then we ended up sleeping together again now i let it go just thinking he was all messed up and that it was a comfort thing. i came away and a month later i went back to see him and we ended up sleeping together again. the thing is he is such a big part of my life and i really do still love him but he has basically told me again that i am not what he is looking for. i accept that and i told him that there is no way we are sleeping together again and that was fine and now he is trying to do the whole friends thing which i do want but at the same time it is messing up my head because i can't move on so what do i do? cut all ties with him and hope for the best? It would be so hard to not talk to him any more because he is so important to me and not even just on a partner level but as a friend help please


P.S im sorry that its a bit of a rant

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 4:29am

Yes, cut off ALL ties with him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 10:35am

Its hard and I know it. My ex broke up with me about a week and half ago. And believe me I so want to contact him but everytime I want to do that I just think about the way he acted those last moments of the break-up and realize that he hurt me so much and why would I want to keep getting hurt, I am not a masochist and you shouldn't be one either!


Its hard, its really hard to get away from someone you love. Unfortunately life can sometimes do that to us, but we have the choice to either accept to act that way or to truly change and go to the unknown. I have chosen the unknown path, its a different path and I truly believe that this time things will be different in my life. I want to be able to be happy and find more happiness, and thats what all of us in this world want, and its the hardest task but I believe it can happen. So think of your heart, your heart doesn't want to keep on crying or hurting, and do this for yourself and stop communicating with him. Its not fair for you.... Its hard but in time you will start to feel ok, and then better, and then finally great. But at the end its all up to you, and it doesn't matter how many people tell you what to do or think, it comes down to what you want to do!


Take care....


FloridianChic

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:05pm

Hi wilson,

Question: Is this how you let your friends treat you? Because if it is, then you've got some serious soul-searching to do, and if it isn't, why does he get free pass to abuse you?

Yes, I know you did whatever to him also, I'm not ignoring that, what I don't think you understand is that you're willfully welcoming violence into your life by remaining in contact with him. You bring out the worst in each other apparently. Do you think this is what was meant for your life when you were born?

There are better ways to deal with things than violence or sexually abusing yourself. Oh yes, make no mistake, you are sexually abusing your own body by allowing the sex after he's told you you're not what he wants.

I think you're a bit mixed up in what "the best" means as far as what you're hoping for. I believe you're hoping he'll change his entire character and all of a sudden become some great guy, when what would be better for you is to learn to like yourself enough to never put up with this kind of treatment again.

You also can find lots of help for your particular situation on the Co-Dependents and Love Addicts board:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcodep

Good luck,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 2:27pm

Welcome to the board wilson1513,


I hope you take the good advice you've been given.