It's been 3 months..
Find a Conversation
It's been 3 months..
| Wed, 07-11-2007 - 7:10pm |
I just don't know what to do anymore.. It's been 3 months but I can't get over it... We were together for 3 years, she was my life, my everything and now she's gone.. I feel so stupid for feeling this way.. She cheated on me with the guy and confessed everything to me.. She told me they were drunk and that she never liked him in that way and that it was distugisting and she felt so ashamed.. I forgave her because she meant that much to me but a couple weeks later I fould out he was sending her text messages saying that maybe one day they could be together.. I flipped out and we got into a big arguement.. from that point it was over.. not even a week later she and the guy she cheated on me with are dating and now they are together and in supposedly in love.. Ever since my life has been shattered.. I told her that I could never forgive her for what she's done to me and she told me I was being ridiculous because we weren't together anymore.. I mean , how am I supposed to forgive her when she is now dating and supposedly in love with the guy that destroyed our relationship.. I just don't know what to do.. She keeps calling me and sending me text messages telling me how she feels horrible for what she did and that she feels worse and worse everyday.. She also says that she wants to be friends but I told her no and to stop calling me and sending me messages or I would change my number.. I do believe that she feels bad but I know she is only trying to apologize for her benefit and not for mine.. She wants to be able to go on with that guilt free but I refuse to accept her apology.. I refuse to let her use me so she can feel better.. I want to move on with my life so bad but I think about her everyday and how much I still love her.. It's making me go crazy!! I mean it's been 3 months why do I still feel this way??

Welcome to the board,
I think after 3 months and you still feel terrible is pretty normal. It might take you a long time, specially since she keeps contacting you. My boyfriend of 4 months dumped me and it's been two months and I still feel bad. Sometimes I feel like a complete fool that such a short relationship has left me feeling so sad, but no one can tell you how long or how short your mourning period should be after a relationship, specially after this betrayal. I think best way would be having no contact with her, even if you have to change your number or e-mail. You can ask her to please not contact you again that you need time for closure and she its' helping. If she is as remorseful as she says she should leave you alone.
Keep yourself distracted with your friends. I've had to ask mine never to bring men or relationships up for the time being. It can really limit conversation, but these days I rather talk about my career of school. If your friends are her friends, try to meet new people. Try new hobbies you haven't done before and even better go do the things she never wanted to do with you. Be patient and take it easy with yourself. You don't just snap out of this, it takes time and don't let anyone tell you to just get over it. Most important, don't rebound with someone else. I have been rebound girl (not knowing) way to many times. I almost started dating a guy recently, but decided it wouldn't be fair to him with my current distrust.
It's ok, to feel the way you do. It's normal and everyone on these boards have been there with you. There is no time limit on how to get over someone. Just think, the day your over her, will be at the right time. Your going to learn something from this heart break, that you don't see yet. It's interesting too see, that a man can feel the same way a woman does, and feel helpless. It's only interesting, because the majority of people that post on these boards are women, but your special, and your hurt and pain is no different from a woman. You are doing the right thing, as far as, trying to maintain no contact. If she can't respect not to call you, then change your numbers. That's kinda hard, because I did that, and I regret doing it. Only because now, I feel, I allowed someone to have so much power over me, that changing my number was the only thing I can do. But as I look back now, I did what was best for me at that time. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't change my number. You can always ignore her calls and texts, until she finally gets the message. It's time you take control of this, and not allow her too. If your adamant about NC, then she will respect it. She feels guilty for what she's done, so calling you, is a way of feeling you out. It's only to make her feel good, and not you.
At the end of this, you will see the message on why you went thru such a horrific and painful heartbreak. I call it just that, because I do believe when you love someone hard, and you break up with them, it's an life altering experience. I will never be the same person I was, when I was with my "ex". I love who I am today, and when your done with this, you will too. She made a big mistake in letting you go, and one day, you will have the honor to tell her that, in a nice and sweet way. Good Luck, and continue to post on the boards, there very helpful, during this time..
I understand exactly what you are going through, as I am going through almost the exact same thing. It's been 4 months for me and she and I were together for 4 years. She never cheated on me though, she just decided she would rather be alone, than be with me.
You pretty much know what you need to do....sorry for all the pain...I am still in pain, but not as much....if she would just stop keeping in contact, it would get better quicker.
Change your number, if you have to, just ignore the calls and text messages.
Like you said, she is just trying to make herself feel better. That's her issue.
Good luck.
Rob
Welcome to the board deizelboi824,
Since the two of you are still in contact (text, email, calls), you can't begin to heal.
You'll find the human mind is a very versatile thing. I probrably don't sound very sympathetic right now, but only you can decide whether you want to heave it off or wallow in it for another 5 years.
Just to put it in perspective, my boyfriend dumped me right out of the blue a a couple of weeks ago after he met some whore (and i really mean WHORE) on his visit to his relatives in China. She convinced him that he'd never been happy with me and yadda yadda. And like an IDIOT I forgave him while he strung me along for another two weeks. What sucked the most was we were planning on getting engaged sometime in the fall. So in the space of 1 day, literally, I more or less lost the entire future in some unlucky throw of destiny's dice. Believe me I REALLY loved him. During that week of hell, I cried, begged, couldn't sleep, and ended up in the hospital in some crazy suicide attempt to get him back. And when it was over for good, I cried for two straight days and dropped 14 lbs.
Then I picked my sorry self up and decided I would NOT be one of those pitiful people that cried for months over something I could never fix. I REFUSED to give him anymore of my day. I went and shredded all his photos, deleted all his contacts, deleted all his friends from my IM, and threw out everything we had together. And I felt GOOD. Maybe it's not the healthiest way (people recommend you put away things in a box until years later). And then I began my 60 days of self imposed isolation. And it feels good to be in control again instead of letting someone else control my emotions.
And yeah, maybe it seems cowardly, but so what? Does it make you fell better after you read her txt msgs or take her phone calls? Analyze yourself. Do you feel BETTER or WORSE afterwards? I know I personally felt WORSE after I took his call during that one backslide. Why are you torturing yourself. Change your phone number, or leave your phone at home and go for a run around the block. If you leave it alone long enough, at some point you're going to get into the habit of not picking up her calls. The bottom line is that she's with this other guy, she's getting on with her life, WHY ARE YOU STILL DWELLING ON HER?
My last note is that, feel good about yourself. I'm sure you are a GREAT guy. The fact that you're still feeling meant that you invested a lot of your love and time into this relationship. One thing I can guarantee you is that one day, chances are, you'll find some greater love than this with a woman who will reciprocate. But you won't find it while you're clutching your phone taking her calls.
Bonne chance!