It's been almost 2 yrs & still love him

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
It's been almost 2 yrs & still love him
7
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 11:56pm

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to this board, but I'm glad I came across it. My ex and I dated for 4 years. He broke up with me nearly two years ago. The sad thing is I'm still not over him. I have so much pain inside. We dont keep in touch, but I still have nights when I cry over him. I still wonder what if we could make it work. I have so many what if's.

The break up was so hard. I didn't see it coming. We weren't arguing or anything like that. We had gone on vacation to Mexico a month before. We both work in TV, so we had been working on hurricane coverage and weren't really seeing each other. We were both working long hours. We tried to see each other anyways. One day out of no where he said he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. He went from hot to cold. It was so painful... to see the man who used to tell me I meant the world to him, say he didn't want to talk to me or see me anymore. I went from being his world to undesirable, a pest. That's the hardest thing to understand. He changed so quickly. He broke up with me a week before my birthday and didn't even call me.

He later confessed he had cheated on me with someone from work. We had been having intimacy problems. He said he didn't want to get married and wanted to know what it was like to be single again. He's two years younger than me. About four months after the breakup, I bumped into him at a club. It turns out he was now dating a friend of mine. That hurt so much. We never spoke after that.

The sad part is that even after all the terrible things he did to me, I still love him and would forgive him. Up until the breakup, we had the most beautiful relationship. We would cook together, do everything together. We would travel once a year. We got along so great. We were so happy. He was my world, and I know I was his. We were talking about moving in together before the breakup. I felt in my heart he was the one.

We came in touch again about five months ago. He found out I changed jobs and he sent me an email. We saw each other at least three times, but I was a water mess the whole time. We still managed to have a great time. It felt like home. Being with him felt like that's where I was meant to be. It just fit. He said he missed me and always wondered about us. He also said he felt ashamed for the way he ended things, but also felt that things would never be the same. He said he hurt me so much it was best to leave things the way they were, that I would never trust him and that I was better off without him. He said I deserved someone better. I tried to keep in touch with him, but he just pushed me away. I think he's seeing someone. I let it go. I hadn't made any contact with him for about two months until I text him about a week ago. He never replied. I figured no reply meant he wants nothing to do with me. Now I'm just trying to get over him, but it's going to be so hard.

I have tried to date, but I haven't met anyone interesting. I'm just having a hard time understading how people change... especially knowing that at one point he wanted to talk to me all the time and now he won't even reply to a text message. It's just sad how love dies. To think, he always promised me that he will never stop loving me and would never leave me. I actually believed him.

I hope someone can relate to my story and give me so feedback. Thanks! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 12:46am
Dear, accepting the fact that "the relationship is over" is the hardest part of the break up process especially if you don't know "why" he/she broke it up. It appears that you're still in the grieving stage, where you are crying over him and maybe hoping that you could become a couple "some day" ...again. You want to keep in touch somewhat to have hope, but he, on the other hand, wants to move on. He had a change of heart and that happens. The unfair part is that you still love him. I'd suggest to take time for yourself and start the accepting process that "it's over" and that it won't change. Give yourself closure by thinking that it wasn't meant to be. Let him go with love and wish him well. You'll survive and will find love again. I wouldn't date in a while, until you're in a good emotional shape. It's hard, but not impossible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 5:18am

Hi,
I'm new to this board also and this is my first post. My ex & I dated for 3.5 yrs and we broke up about 4 months ago. It was no contact for the first 3 months and about a month ago we met to exchange our things. I haven't heard from him since.

We were living in the same city for the 1st year of our relationship and then we were long distance for the following 2.5 yrs. He moved back to my city in February & then about 2 weeks later, we broke up. I was surprised that we broke up because I wasn't expecting it at all. We had just spent a nice Valentine's Day together the week earlier. We never got into any arguments the entire time we dated. I thought we were happy together and loved each other.

I've been so sad & depressed. I cried just about everyday/night for the 1st month after the breakup and nowadays I'm still crying several times a week. Some of my friends don't even know that we broke up and when I tell them about it, I get all teary eyed. I miss him so much and I still love him and care about him. I think about him everyday and wonder how he's doing and wonder what he's up to. I realize that we will never be bf/gf again, but it's just so hard to move on. I haven't even started to go out to meet new guys yet.

I wish I knew what to tell you about how to get over your ex. I just hope it happens soon for you too.

-Quinn

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 11:55am

Hi light,

I've tried so hard to get over him. I'm just really sensitive right now. I had moved on and felt strong for a long time until he emailed me about 5 months ago. He brought everything back. Talking to him again placed me back to the painful times. I just feel so empty and lonely inside. I have no one to turn to. I mostly miss what we had. I miss talking to him in the morning, before going to sleep. I miss what we had, and I wish I had the power to turn time back to change things. I know that's not an option and my only option is to move on with my life. I'm just sad about it. I never thought it would take me this long to get over someone... it's been almost two years. I never thought I would be this person... I was the strong girl... who always told my friends forget about him... move on... and now here i am... all broken and sad!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 12:36pm

Hi Quinn,

I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup. I understand how you feel. The crying and depression goes away with time. I used to stay in bed on the weekends, thinking he was doing the same, but the truth is he's going out and about his life. You have to push yourself. I do have days, when I feel depressed.

All I can tell you time will heal all wounds. I know it's funny to say that especially that my ex broke up with me almost two years ago. I basically re-lived the break up again when he came around about 5 months ago. He emailed me and we talked about still having feelings for each other and told me he missed me. We went out three times, we even kissed. In the end, he basically said he didn't want to get back together. He got my hopes up and I had to deal with the break up all over again. I should be okay.

I almost called him today, even wrote down things to talk about during the call... I ended up calling my sister instead. She was like "DO NOT CALL." I'm glad she answered. I try to think that if God wants us together, we will be together... if not someone better will come along. :)

Stay strong and think God or destiny has other plans for you. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 1:21pm

Hi dear,

I feel your pain, even though my break up was only 2 weeks ago. I miss him terribly and he was my best friend. We planned a life together and all of the sudden he decided he wants to "play". It must be incredibly hard for you, but just think of how strong you have been! You've made it through the past 2 years, through seeing him with one your friends (I hope you do not speak to her anymore), and you've moved on with your life. Its hard to tell our hearts "no", but I think its the best thing you can do for yourself. I'd say stop talking to him now, he obviously does not deserve you in his life. There are so many wonderful people there, as I'm telling myself right now, that its sad to waste our precious time on men who ultimately decided the don't want to be with us.

Give it another 2 years and I'm sure you'll be happy and in love with a man who deserves you!

hugs,

MuShu

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 2:28pm

Sending you hugs... I know the pain you're feeling and trust us on here, it will eventually subside. Everyone works out their breakups in their own timeframe, their own speed; try not to get mad at yourself for this crappy process :)

Before I forget, your username 'rebelde76'... anything to do with the show? (I only know because my ex is Mexican and I have a friend who's into RBD.)

Anywho, I had kind of a similar situation, dated the ex for almost 2 yrs and everything was pretty good (or so I thought) and then I found out he was seeing someone - emotionally cheating I suppose. I was devastated. He was still calling me "baby" and his "girl" while sending this girl flowers for Valentine's Day and had been to a wedding with her (holding hands, kissing, etc.) I felt (and still feel) like we were 2 freight trains flying down the tracks side by side, except my train slammed into a brick wall, left to pick up the pieces while he chugged along just fine. (Strange analogy I know, but I'm trying to emphasize our story similarities.)

I know how you feel in regards to the cheating/yet still wish to know what they're doing/care for them. It's a strange, contradictory feeling. Lately I've been thinking about contacting him, then I jerk myself back into reality and remember the horrible days of bawling my eyes out seeing emails from the new girl to him. Or how he never said goodbye, returned my emails/phone calls, etc. Maybe you just need to reinforce those thoughts when the 'reminiscing' starts. Sometimes it helps. I think we tend to forgive and forget too easy.

Believe him when he says you deserve someone better- we both do. No one should do what they did to us... you need to give your love to someone deserving. Don't beat yourself up over hindsight- you believed what he said about love because it was true and sincere at the time. Things change; why I don't know, but they do. My ex also made a reference about "being together forever"... didn't stop him from pursuing other girls.

I don't know if this is much help to you, just know there are others out there who have survived this! Hang in there and post away... we're all here for you :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 3:53pm

Sorry you feel this way, but I can understand why. That e-mail 5 months ago triggered all the emotions and turmoil that you feel now. The no contact rule needs to be followed until you feel ready to face him again and not be sadden, angry or hurt. You're ready to face him again when you can allow yourself to think that he's dating, sleeping and having fun with another woman. If you can think of that and not feel sad, angry or else you are ready to face him. The memories and good moment will always be with you and to some degree they'll bring tears to your eyes and sorrow to your heart because you "lost" your loved one. But it's up to you to pull yourself together and go on in life. Love could be around the corner, but you have to be emotionally healthy to enjoy it and share yourself with another man.

Given that at this moment you feel sensitive and sad and are trying to get over it, it's best if you focus on yourself. If you have a new assignment or project at work focus on it. Focus on your personal and emotional growth. Take care of yourself, meditate, exercise, shop, buy nice stuff for you, make yourself feel pretty and loved by you. Get busy and involved with friends, family, coworkers and such. Enjoy what life has to offer you and take time for your healing process.

It'll get better with time as long as you do your part. Good luck to you.