it's been awhile, why am I sad again?
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it's been awhile, why am I sad again?
| Mon, 01-31-2005 - 7:38pm |
My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me nine months ago. The breakup was very difficult for me, and for four months we didn't have any contact with one another -- I just couldn't take it. In September, however, we bumped into each other numerous times, and since we have mutual friends we even socialized together. I was pleased because I felt nothing -- it was the past, I was over it. I had hoped that we could be friends, and he seemed to want the same thing, though things between us were still rather awkward. A short time later I met someone very special and we started dating. Since then, my ex has cut off communications with me and avoids me. I sent him an email asking him why, and he did eventually email me back, stating that he found things between us awkward and he didn't think we could be friends. This bothered me but I did nothing about it, because in my mind I had moved on.
The problem is that recently I've been very tempted to contact him again... I don't know why, but I feel like things are not settled between us. I haven't followed the relationship closure rules... I still have pictures of him around the place (group pictures, of course), I have mementos I kept from our relationship stashed away in my closet, he still has a nightgown of mine that I want back... etc.
I still feel sad about him from time to time. When I hear certain songs I have to swallow the lump in my throat. We were together for a long time, so I suppose this is normal (?) but I'm still at a loss of what to do -- contact him or not? throw out the mementos or not? I feel like every day I'm moving closer to closure, but I regret the fact that we no longer have ANY contact whatsoever... It feels like a big part of my life has been lost, and though I'm whole without him and happy, I still wish I could keep a thread of contact with him. Is this bad? Should I just forget about it and move on?
The problem is that recently I've been very tempted to contact him again... I don't know why, but I feel like things are not settled between us. I haven't followed the relationship closure rules... I still have pictures of him around the place (group pictures, of course), I have mementos I kept from our relationship stashed away in my closet, he still has a nightgown of mine that I want back... etc.
I still feel sad about him from time to time. When I hear certain songs I have to swallow the lump in my throat. We were together for a long time, so I suppose this is normal (?) but I'm still at a loss of what to do -- contact him or not? throw out the mementos or not? I feel like every day I'm moving closer to closure, but I regret the fact that we no longer have ANY contact whatsoever... It feels like a big part of my life has been lost, and though I'm whole without him and happy, I still wish I could keep a thread of contact with him. Is this bad? Should I just forget about it and move on?

ceinwyn48...
CUT THE COMMUNICATION AND MOVE FORWARD!
A big part of your life HAS been lost. I think you need to allow yourself to grieve (have you done that?), allow yourself a little sadness...
Maybe doing something "ritualistic" might help. Maybe invite a girlfriend over, get a bottle of wine, and take down your pictures. Talk about each one, cry about it if you need to, remember good times and bad times, and then put them away. You don't have to THROW them away, but put them away or give them to your friend to keep, until you're ready to look back at them and remember the times you had with just a hint of nostalgia, and not with pain and regret. Then buy a few new things, pictures, knick-knacks, whatever, and redecorate where the old pictures were. Be sure to acknowledge this as a FRESH START.
Also, buy yourself a new nightgown.
And remind me of all of this when I'm feeling the same way in 6 months!!