It's an endless rolelrcoaster

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
It's an endless rolelrcoaster
6
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:07am

Okay so I was doing great earlier this week. I got a new job and hadnt spoken to him in a while and was feeling really great. Been running a ton, feeling great about myself, enjoying meeting guys etc. Then yesterday I kinda started feeling really sad and alone again. I still have not contacted him in 20 days and he hasnt contacted me either. It is absolutely killing me because I honestly feel like he just doesnt care. How can he not call me? We were together for a year and a half and had a great relationship, we hardly fought and had an awesome time together.

I was the one initiating the contact in the beginning and then I just stopped (really bc every1 was telling me I had to so I did)... How doesnt that bother him? i just don't understand how he doesnt want to contact me at all... Especially when he said the reason for our break up was because "he has to move away soon with the army and is going to be traveling all over the place for training and eventually deploying somewhere and it is just going to be harder for us to break up at that point bc we both arent ready for marriage. blah blah" and he didnt want me to move with him if we werent getting married bc he doesnt want for me to pick up my whole life and move with him if it doesnt work out... We are both 23 but he is turning 24 on sept 1 (ps he didnt call me on my birthday)... ugh will this feeling ever go away? will i ever truly not care if he is going to call me? We broke up June 4 and I am still thinking about him a great deal.

Last night I got pretty drunk with my two sisters and almost gave in and called him. I am very glad I didnt but a part of me wants to speak to him so badly. The summer is over in 2 weeks and at that point so is our beach house (he lives 4 bloacks from me at the beach)...after that I might never see him again. That really scares me...

Sorry for the extreme vent session...

help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:33am
Hi! Sorry you are going through this. It's been almost 4 weeks since I have seen my ex and we have had very minimal contact. It still kills me everyday. I want to call him everyday. He sent an email saying he fights calling me everyday in fear of breaking down in front of me. Yes it is hard to not contact them but it really is the best way to go and I promise that one day you will wake up and realize OMG it's noon and I haven't even thought about him. It will take some time but it will happen. I'm still waiting too! He is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last at night. I miss him desperately! We had a little bit of contact over email last week and by Friday I felt like I was back at square one with the pain. I cried all day as if it was day one all over again. I can't do that to myself and neither can you. If you call him I'm afraid it will set you back and make you even more sad than you are now. Stay stong and whenever you get the urge to call him come and vent here. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 2:08pm

Hi mmcurtin,


Everything you feel is normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 2:02am

Anyways, three points before I hit the sack.

1. Good for you for not giving in. It's hard, you did it, pat yourself on the back.

2. Frankly...it really doesn't matter why he broke up with you - he did. My ex dumped me after (what seemed like) a picture perfect relationship. Believe me we heard all the 'omg, you're like the perfect couple'. laughs. someone told us our class actually had bets going on about when we'd get married. Anyways, my point is obviously the reason he broke up with you is still bothering you. It means you're still agonizing over the break up. It means you 're still healing, hence it's OK to feel badly. But recognize it doesn't matter. Heck, my ex gave me 10 different reasons of the 5 times I asked him why he was doing this so suddenly. I finally recognize it's all so much crap and none of it matters because the bottomline is he knows I'm here, i miss him, and He doesn't want me anyways. Hence, whether or not he's got this big self-sacrificing reason about not ready for marriage but being deployed, etc, is irrelevant. heck, if I was being deployed, I'd marry you in a hurry if I loved you just to make sure I wouldn't lose you while I was away.

3. Things are never as bad as we anticipate them to be. I remember dreading having to leave him in the summer for 4 months. Two days in, bam, didn't seem so bad. so 3 months of stressing about this temporary parting was worse than the actual parting. So his actual "never see him again" is probrably going to be a lot less worse than the stressing. Forget about it, have fun. Go tan a bit. Enjoy the last bit of summer.

nites

Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 11:13am

Susanna,

Thanks for the response. I definitely agree with you. He knows I am here and he isnt trying to get back with me. It is just so tough to accept someone not wanting you after everything was so great. I almost wish our relationship sucked and it was easy for me to just be like "the hell with him." I am on 24 days of no contact and actually saw him at the bar on Saturday night. I walked by him twice and didnt say anything then left the bar 20 minutes later. I still really have no idea if he saw me but it felt good to be able to walk by and say nothing (even though I cried my eyes out when I got home.) His birthday is this Saturday and I know that writing him a message won't make anything better but I don't want to leave it like this. I would rather have him as a friend than have him as nothing ya know? I am so torn as to whether to just say happy birthday, say nothing, write him a letter wishing him luck in his future etc. I still trying to accept that we wont end up together but I am definitely in a better place now than I was a month ago...

Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:42pm

::I would rather have him as a friend than have him as nothing ya know?


Be honest, you want the friendship in hopes that it will go back to the way things were.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:14pm
My story is a roller coaster too. I jsut need to vent casue I'm going crazy inside. We met over a year ago but knew each other as friends. He moved to my state to be with me & asked me to marry him 4 months later. Then he cancels the wedding, and I find out he's talking to his ex on the phone for weeks. Calling her 10 times a day & talking for 45 minutes sometimes. I was devestated. I thought we were meant to be forever and I loved him & I hurt so bad. I didn't trust him. Eventually it got the best of the relationship & he was on the phone with her again, he became angry & threatened me physically. So I kicked him out & changed my phone number. He put cards in my mailbox & sen tme flowers etc. Then I found out I was pregnant. SO I called him to tell him. He came right over. Crying, saying he was depressed for 2 motnhs we broke up & I abondoned him but he apoligized & he wanted to go to counceling etc. SO I took him back & we went to counceling but he became controlling & accused me of doing things I wasn't. I lost the baby. I was scared & I pushed him away. Then I went on vacation & so did he but we met up at the end & decided he should move back in & we love each other. That lasted 2 months & he left on Monday of last week. I found out he had a myspace webpage with all these girls on there. He sent me a text saying he got over me real quick. I've texted him a few times & sent him 2 emails since then. He was not appreciative of me and he was hiding things behind my back. He's not good for me.
I'm devestated that someone could care so little about me. He pushed my buttons & brought out the worst in me but yet I still love him. I want to feel wanted by him and loved but he's too busy with other people now & he's changed his phone number. He even sent me a text asking - how does it feel. I'm glad he changed his number so I can't contact him anymore but it still hurts after all I did for him & all I gave. HE's one sided and is not understanding of me or my feelings. So I jsut keep comign here to vent & let things out & it makes me feel a little better.