It's Finally Final

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
It's Finally Final
2
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 9:56am

I broke up with him last year. We stayed apart for 3 months but he called me the whole time wanted to see me. We started seeing each other again in Feb and then broke up again end of May. He requested staying friends and even though everyone says to have no contact, we did talk and even see each other a few times. He really was wanting me to change my mind and I think he thought if he hung around and showed me what a great guy he was I would. He sent me an email on Sunday night telling me he loved me and if I ever changed my mind he would be there. He wanted to take me out for a birthday dinner this week. Then on Wed morning he sent another email saying he knew he was trying to hold onto me when he really needed to let me go. He said it would probably be better not to go to dinner. I wrote him back and said I would consider leaving the door open if he would make some changes and maybe get professional help for his issues. He didnt' even respond back to that message. Just sent me an email asking me to drop off his camera and other items on my way to work. It was not a rude message but he said nothing about us remaining friends like he had always stressed before.

I dropped his things off and he was not there. I have heard nothing more from him. I am somewhat relieved that he has let me go, but the reality of that has also hit and I am incredibly sad. I know it's normal to feel this way but I can't help but feel he has just dismissed me from his life. I know this is what I wanted and I was the one who initiated the breakup, but it is still so painful. I feel like I probably will never talk to him again. He used to tell me that I could call him if I ever needed anything--even if he was married to someone else. Now I feel like if I called him he would be rude or would not even talk to me. I know the best thing to do is just leave this alone, but part of me wants to know that we still have at least a mutual caring and concern for each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 12:14pm

Hi lani57,


I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 6:20pm

Maybe it's just the fact that he was not willing to talk about my suggestion about counseling that hurts. I made the suggestion because I didn't want to feel like I hadn't tried everything, even though 1) I didn't think he would do it and 2) I didn't think it would help. And it hurts that he didn't even respond to it at all. I also don't understand his quick turnaround--it's almost like something happened between 10:00 Monday night and 7:30 Tues morning.

I just remember him telling me that when his marriages or relationships ended, though he felt sad, he didn't dwell on it and "gets over it quick". I'm sure I will be just a distant memory in no time.

I know this is all for the best, but damn it--it hurts. And I just have to feel this way until I work through it and don't feel this way anymore. I guess there was just part of me that felt safe knowing that if I changed my mind the door would still be open. Now I don't feel like it is.