Its finally over...why do I feel sick

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Its finally over...why do I feel sick
4
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 10:25am

Hi all. I'm looking for some words of encouragement this morning after ending a 1.5 year relationship last night. I'm also including a link to a post I wrote a couple weeks ago about my situation so I won't go into to it here except to say that I couldn't trust my guy and he wasn't doing a lot to put my mind at ease except deny, deny, deny that anything was going on. My gut told me different.

Last Night his phone rang as usual. Usually I wait 'til he's out of the room to check it but this time I knew it was her and I was so mad that I snatched it right out from under him as he was getting ready to leave. He tried to grab it back but I saw who it was. He was furious. When that happens he gets really cold and quiet. I told him I didn't want to see him tomorrow and he said "Fine". Usually he tries to talk me out of it and reassure me that nothing is going on. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I've never wanted to scream at someone so badly.

My legs felt like wooden poles as I walked him to the door. He tried to kiss me but I pulled away. Then I went back inside and turned off my phone and unplugged the house phone. I won't be lied to anymore. This morning I see he called me every minute on the minute last night until 1:30am. I listened to his messages this morning he said he didn't want to reassure me or explain anymore he wanted to pick up his stuff and that we should see other people. This is the first time he's initiated that kind of comment usually he's the one trying to talk me out of my fears because I'm so jealous. On the one hand I want this to be over and I know he hasn't been honest with me. But this HURTS and I feel like he really did care about me and I destroyed it. He claims I'm the one who's blowing things out of proportion over "NOTHING" according to him. He says he doesn't want to stop seeing me but one person can't make a relationship work.

Guys I need some support here. I know we shouldn't be together and that without trust we have nothing. But I also need to be told that letting him go is the right thing to do and not feel like I'M the bad guy who destroyed this because I didn't trust him. I know looking at his cell phone wasn't right but I'm just sick in my gut everytime that girl calls and he knows this. We've had a million convos about it and everytime he tells me. There's nothing to worry about he cares about me he would never hurt me. For a while I beleive it but then the phone rings again. I'm sick... sick over this. Tonight we're supposed to talk...why? I don't know. He's picking up his stuff. He's finally giving up after "trying" to convince ME everythings OK. I'm the bad guy, I destroyed good thing. Please give me some words of strength and encouragement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 11:04am

bogigian...

NO BREAK-UP IS EASY! .

But not every relationship has a "happily ever after" tag either.

You're gonna feel hurt, betrayal, anger, sadness and quite a let-down during the next several months. BUT....the trick is....not to judge all your future relationships based on the disappointment from the one you're facing right now.

While some people "fit together very well" at the beginning....time often reveals traits about our SO's that don't exactly appeal to us.....or that we're not willing to accept! This isn't an issue of it being one person's fault---it's more along the lines of discovering that some of the people we think LOVE US....ONLY LIKE US!

And just "liking someone" isn't enough to keep a true relationship going.

You'll get past a lot of your disappointment....if you give yourself permission to do so.

Hugs,

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 11:52am

of course you did the right thing. and of course you're going to have regret and pain. but stick to your guns. if you're feeling jealous and paranoid in this relationship, then it's not right for you. trust your instincts. you deserve a healthy relationship that makes you feel GOOD. in the meantime, it's going to take a little while before you feel better. right now you're all emotion and you're second-guessing yourself b/c you want to do something to make yourself feel better -- and getting back together seems like it would solve that problem. but it will only prolong the inevitable.

hang in there, heal, and stay away from this guy. this board helped me a great deal when i was going through a breakup and it will help you too.

xox

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2005
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 6:20pm

Honey, you can't blame yourself for anything. It is his fault that it's ending, not yours. If he had been honest with you in the first place there wouldn't be any reason for you to go (from what you've said), but he wasn't. You should not have to put yourself through the constant stomach aches, racing mind, and tears that go along with lack of trust. My ex didn't cheat on me, but he broke up with me once and when we got back together again I just didn't trust that he wasn't going to pick up and leave again...And he did. It hurts an incredible amount that he's gone and that he started seeing someone 4 days later, but I feel free of the worry. I don't have to worry about being replaced anymore, or about being left.

I think sometimes when we're in relationships we love the other person so much we forget how to take care of ourselves because we just want to do everything for that other person. Well, don't let him make you feel guilty for leaving--you have to love yourself! Keep your dignity and don't let him have his cake and eat it too. Let him sit there like a dog in a cage with a steak outside.

You've broken free! Be proud of yourself! At the same time though, a year and a half is a long time and you dedicated a lot of that time to him, so of course you hurt. Breakups hurt so much, and I know that as much as you're hurting now, it couldn't possibly hurt as much as if somewhere down the road he chose "her" over you (because he's a bastard). Cry and yell...write in a journal, and keep coming here. Take care of yourself and be strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 10:23pm
You're giving up a good thing?? Oh honey, no, this isn't a good thing that you're giving up!!!
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