It's Friday Night, I'm not over him

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
It's Friday Night, I'm not over him
4
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 6:31am

Last time I posted was last Friday (it's actually Saturday now). My reason last Friday, was because I'd had a booty call with my ex. I thought (which I don't know how I could even think this.....must be that stupid part of me still left over from my farce of a relationship) it wasn't effecting me negatively.....but everything having to do with him effects me negatively. I haven't HURT this bad in awhile, and I was thinking (again the 'stupid' part left over) that the pain is over. Because I was still thinking about him, but for a few days, it didn't hurt (maybe the sex I had with him was like a pain killer for those days....and it wore off. Now I know how people get addicted to pain killers), but it hurts, and I want to contact him. If anyone has been following my story, I also am unemployed (laid off from yet, another job, the same day he broke it off - July 6th), but I got a job and start Monday. So, here I am, on this bored, trying to get through 48 hours, and then I can put all my time, energy, and thoughts into something that will be rewarding....WORK!!

But right now, at 3am, it hurts. I know he's in bed with her (yeah, she was a goody-2-shoes, and I wasn't 'relationship material' - Whatever!!), and I'm alone. Everyone got what they wanted and was happy when we broke up.....but me. The new girlfriend got what she wanted, he got what he wanted, my brother was happy, because he thought the guy was no good for me, so he wanted us to split up....I was the only one who got hurt, suffered, and was alone. I'm so sick and tired of there being NO ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS OF "WHY??!!??" I'm so sick and tired of having to be the only one suffering, while everyone else lives happily ever after. WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?
!!!!! I THOUGHT I WAS THROUGH WITH THIS UNBEARABLE, EXCRUCIATING, F*%KING PAIN!!!!!
!!!!!I JUST WANT IT TO PLLLEEEAASSEEE GOOOOO AAWWWAAAYYY!!!!!

Yes, it looks like I've slipped back a bit. Okay, lay on the lectures, Counselors of this board....no wonder he broke up with me, I'm pathetic. I have the simple basic steps and advise right here on this board. If I would just follow it, I wouldn't be going through this...it's my own fault. Well, it must be, because I'm the only one suffering from it...so it all must be my fault.

Hopefully, I won't do this to myself anymore after tonight. And, by God's grace, this night will end.

Tina Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 7:44pm

Hi tinamarie,


The night passed, how do you feel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 8:29pm

Hey, it's not so easy to cut someone out of your life completely. A lot of us have done what you've done. Most of us have a hard time letting go, and I know no one whose feelings change overnight. Plus, sex is really nice, isn't it? Don't be so hard on yourself.

I can't give you advice because I've made plenty of post-breakup mistakes myself. And continue to make them.

Yes, I too think the pain is over, then it blindsides me when I'm in the grocery store looking at produce and suddenly I'm crying like a baby. I'm covering my face with my hands because I don't want strangers to look at me.

Sometimes the only thing that helps me is knowing that people all over the world, at this very moment, feel the same way I do. I hope that helps you too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 8:46pm

In the moments (hours...) of my 'emotional relapse haze', I came to this board, AGAIN, to vent, ect., not thinking that there was going to be an answer to my post, with advise that I haven't already heard.

I printed out the 'Zen of Doing Nothing', and yes, it included stuff I'd already heard and tried, but it was in an article explaining "why" that I hadn't heard.

There were actually answers to some other "why's" (it's over anyway....Why, shouldn't I contact him, and care what he thinks? ect, ect..) that I didn't get. So, my subconscence, I guess, knew that I was doing more than just venting, I was crying for help,and I got it. You guys are the greatest. I'm tired today, so my emotions run higher when I'm tired, so today has been kinda rough, but I did get through the night, and I haven't contacted him (patting myself on the back).

Thank you, and I will keep posting on here, even if I sound like a broken record, because I soooo need this board....and you won't kick me off after a certain amont of time....because I might take longer than others.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU

Tina Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 9:54pm

Hi Tinamarie,


No, we won't kick you off and you are so welcome.