It's getting so hard ..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
It's getting so hard ..
2
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 10:16am

It's been 5 days since he told me he made out with a girl while in a relationship with me. It's been 3 days of No Contact with him and it's been a really hard road for me.

He is more than remorseful of his actions and I am still soo angry and upset.

I realized I needed to ask him things in order for me to get closure. And I think I did. I realized there was no excuse for what he did and I need to realize that he DID do something wrong and he DID disrespect me. And I need to move on.
It wasn't just a kiss - this was serious because he always said he would never do anything like that to me. I don't want to be in a relationship where kissing other people is okay. And he agrees that it isn't.

It was a blatant disrespect.
We were in a fight when he did it and I don't want to be with someone where I'm always afraid that they'll make out with someone else just cause we're fighting.
I need to make sure that I give my heart to someone who won't break it, and he did.

But lately it's been really hard for me. I've cried every day, yesterday was pretty bad. I still miss him soooo much. There's a part of me that says, that one night where he made a mistake doesnt compare to the 2 years of our close relationship and love we shared. And I believe that.

But then there's a part of me that says, he did that for a reason. The reason he does not know yet and will let me know when he figures it out. He did it for a reason and it showed me that he didn't want to be with me or commit to me fully.

He told me that every minute he was with me was real and meaningful and was never fake despite whatever happened that night. he always loved me and knows he made the biggest mistake and would do anything to take it back.

So I don't know what to do. I know I have to move on. But I can't help but miss him and want to call him. And then I try to stop missing him by remembering how he disrespected me. But then I feel bad for getting mad because he is SOOO remorseful. The three days we talked about the situation, he was always in tears.

I'm so confused. I hate him one second, then I love him another, and I miss him, and want to beat him up, and want to move on, but sometimes I just want to go to him and say, forget everything, I miss you, lets just be together. But then I know he isnt mature enough to be with me right now.

I'm on the verge of tears every minute.

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Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 1:21pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 2:07pm

Thanks Sandra -

Moving on - I think I want to because I don't want to get hurt again. But I also don't want to because maybe I'm overly emotional right now and later I'll be able to forgive him and have a relationship with him again. And I also think I should because I'd rather not cling to a false hope.

Conclusion: I'm confused.

I agree with you Sandra, on not talking to him for a while. Because I do want to know what he wants in life and if I am what he wants and if I am what he wants to fight for and work through with. And I know by me contacting him and putting any pressure on him, he won't feel the need to make a decision about me or at least he won't do it on his own accord.

>>Just see what he does about this as a man.<<

I totally agree with this. If he wants me and wants to be in a mature relationship, then I expect him to man up.

Thing is - I have to return his car to him next week because he needs to go to a family wedding that he had invited me to before (I'm close to the family). I won't talk to him until that day, but he still wants me to go to the wedding. Right now I made the decision not to go. But I don't know if my emotions will calm down by then and I'll be able to.

Do you agree that I shouldn't go?

Yes my faith is a bit torn up and it's hard to believe that feeling will go away in time because I've always had a hard time trusting people.
But it was a full make out session with this girl (I can't get the darned image out of my head!!!) and I DO believe that it was a one time thing and that it can be worked through.

Before this relationship, I always thought I would never take back a cheater, because they had to have cheated for some reason - they didnt want to be with me. And I didn't want to take any crap from anyone. But after this experience, it made me realize that everyone is human. People make stupid mistakes. It's how you handle it afterwards that shows whether or not you learned from it and have changed and grown from it.

I believe he's not mature enough for a relationship right now. And we need our time apart for now. It still hurts and it seems it's unforgiveable, but I'm sure I'll think differently after I've calmed down a bit...maybe

Thanks again Sandra!