It's getting too much

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
It's getting too much
2
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 8:22am

I'm 19 and I broke up a month ago with my boyfriend of nearly 4 years. He wasn't making me happy, he was lazy, didn't make an effort with me at all, was a liar etc. I've accepted that i don't want to be with him and am better off without out him but since i've broke up with him he's basically gone off the rails. He's changed so much.

1. 4 days after we broke up, he has a one night stand with a girl 5 years older than him and they're still meeting up now for sex.
2. we were going to be friends and arranged to meet up for a drink to talk, but he blew me off for another girl.
3. he gets drunk nearly every night
4. he touches up my sisters bestfriend at a party while drunk and people are videoing it on their phones.

Why does this still hurt? I'm not speaking to him anymore, and have started looking after myself e.g. the gym, but it still really hurts hearing things like this. I just want to forget about him but he always seems to be coming back to haunt me. People keep on telling me things about him, and to be honest, i don't really care. I'd rather not know. I can't believe the person he's changed into. When i was going out with him he was nothing like this.

I want to move on completely and be ready for that person who is going to make me happy. I wondered whether anyone has any past experiences of this, encouragement or tips. I really want to get on with my life!
Many thanks XXX

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 11:00am
well i don't have a past experience with this but i have a current experience with this. when you said 'when i was going out with him he was nothing like this.' is something i have felt for the past few months since my break up. i think that might be part of why you are having trouble and why it hurts, because at least for me, it makes you doubt yourself when someone you dated for a long time turns out to be someone completely different than he ever was when you were together. it makes you doubt your entire relationship and it makes you doubt your instincts and judgement. now, i think having had a little time to reflect on this, you have to realize that the things you had with him were real and it was good then and the person hs is now is not someone you would want to be with anyway. not sure if this is exactly what you are going through but i thought i'd throw it out there in case it is similiar to my experience. you also might want to consider asking people not to tell you things about him, from my experience that only makes it harder. i did that and it has helped me a little. best of luck to you...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 3:47pm

I agree that you should ask people to stop telling you about what he's doing, and don't ask about what he's doing. The less contact you have with him the better. I totally know how scary it is to feel like the person you loved and knew so well isn't at all who you thought them to be. But remember....when MANY guys get out of a long-term, committed relationship, they tend to want to be wild and "sow their wild oats" because, well, they "can" now. It certainly sounds like you are better off without this guy, though. Also, please don't beat yourself up for not being over it or still caring--it's only natural. Hang in there; good things will come your way.

XOXO