Its hard, writing helps me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Its hard, writing helps me.
1
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 5:09pm

My fiance dumped me on Sunday, I was gutted, because we were so happy. Only the night before he was drinking, and I got angry, because we were in the middle of Glasgow and he started shouting and running across roads, putting us both in danger. The next day, he told me I was dumped because, in his own words, "I'm an arsehole, you'll only get hurt, and I'n not the same person I was all those months ago ( and that, I may add, is because I gave him confidence and love, and got him to build his life up and aspire to things, instead of being a bum living at home, without a job or career prospect) and I've changed. Before, I was ready to settle down, but now I've realised I'm still young, and I wnat to live my life. I still love you, and I hope we can be friends"
So, basically, he took my dignity ( i begged him several times ot coem back, and he wouldnt )he took ym rpide, my trust in men, my faith, my virginity and innocence. And he didnt even realise. He just wouldnt look at all the good that outweighed the bad. Refused to listen to what I had to say.
So he walked away with a new house < that i was eventualyl suposed ot move into > a new job, a new college course, his own business setting up, and his freedom. I'm not an easy girlfriend, I get quite posessive and it causes problems. But it was something we had talked about, and somehting I was trying < and slowly improving > to change.
It came as a shocker, and my sister wanted to phone an ambulance because of the state I was in. I've hardly eaten, I've hardly slept, when I do, every single bloody time I dream about him, either coming back to me, or us in bed. It makes me wake up crying, and I'm very very slowly trying to get over it. But I dont know how long it'll take. I believe that writing helps me, and maybe loads of others, I suggest you try it. I wrote a poem, quite a bad one actually, but full of truth, many of you will be able to relate to it. The meaning behind it ? Chris told me once, in our happy times, " love hurts and heals ", well, its true, but its bloody taking it time !

Love hurts and Heals
But it takes time...

You remember the scents,
The smell and feeling,
You remember the warmth,
The feeling of love,
Of complete happiness,
And you cry more,
Because that person gave up,
Negativity breeds,
In shallow hearts,
And sadness grows,
In your empty eyes.
You crave that touch,
That smell and sight,
You crave the sound,
Of their sweet voice,
Whispering sacred words,
" I love you"
The meaning of those words,
Fills you up inside,
Until you cant handle it,
No more pain,
You beg,
No more dreams,
Of your return,
No more sleepless night,
Full of tears, memories,
No more toiling emotions,
Wrapped around your heart,
No more empty sickness,
Or bleak words,
" What if...?"
Just hurt.
Just pain.
Love hurts and heals,
But it takes its time.

xxx

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 9:39am
i can relate to you....i've been in a very "turbulent" relationship for nearly 4 years..i love the guy.as in im head over heels, crazy in love with him...he was everything.my world revolve around him.often my friends complained that im not spending time with them anymore.he knows i love him.love him too much to the point of ending my life when we had a terrible row.i was depressed.my friends pulled me up in the quagmire im in.they counseled me.helped me to move on and stand on my own two feet and they taught me how to be happy without a man on my side.but what really helped me to move on was, writing.i poured all my anguish,pain,frustrations in writing.eventually, it paid off.after that terrible row we had we got back together again but it's not the same before.i learned to love and appreciate myself anymore.i told myself, i don't need a man to be happy.the relationship didn't last.right now i'm married to a wonderful man.until now, i still keep a journal.and as i flip through the pages, the sad memories of my life, now, makes me smile........