it's not over until is over
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it's not over until is over
| Mon, 11-12-2007 - 8:20pm |
Well, thanks again to those of you who have been following my story. On 10/28 my H agreed to try things and break up with OW like I requested-- according to him he is doing it because of DS who is 7. I was skeptical but I was willing to give it a try; I needed to be able to say "I tried" although I have questioned my motives lately. Why am I so into this man? It's sort of like an addiction I have concluded, and addictions are unhealthy. Just to make a very long story short, he broke up with her (had break up sex with her that same night just two days after we decided to try things), but aside from having a couple of family outings in which I basically walked 20 feet behind my DS and him, we haven't spent any time together. He is not allowing us to spend anytime alone! We have time, financial resources, baby sitters, support , family! After a week or so, I confronted him and he told me that it is all

Edited 11/12/2007 8:33 pm ET by baalpriestess
Edited 11/13/2007 1:22 pm ET by baalpriestess
No, this relationship is over.
Why are you settling for so little? I do not mean to hurt your feelings and I understand completely why you feel as though you do, but realize that you have nothing more to lose by letting go of this relationship.
Your husband is not an honorable man. He has broken his vows and is continuing to string you along. In his mind he wants to keep your marriage together but his heart (and other body parts) are pulling him in a different direction.
Actions always, ALWAYS speak louder than words.
Hi Marta,
If you file, be strong enough to stand behind
Thanks again everyone...
We will talk again as per his request tomorrow night. Knowing him, tomorrow night will come and go and he will come up with a lame excuse not to meet with me. Someone told me that I'd recognize my breaking point and I am proud to anounce that this has been my breaking point. I assume he will try to come back in his own wishy washy way and I will NOT fall for that. Like I said.... It's all or nothing... Will keep you posted,....
Marta
I'm sorry you have to go through this, he sounds like a real piece of work. I just hope that the divorce can proceed smoothly and you don't have any more unnecessary delays with it.
I know sometimes I complain about how difficult it is with NC with my ex, but I also know how difficult it is when they keep coming back with their lame promises, and they
marta,
so sorry to hear about your pain. some encouragement, re: your comments.
first of all, you are not crazy. you sound very sane, rational and long-suffering, i would believe the word is.
i know you're jealous, but remember - HE WILL NOT CHANGE. this means that he will be the same man to her that he is to you. so she's not getting any better deal. just that she's jealous of YOU, because YOU are the one he keeps choosing over HER.
as to younger than you, 5 years is nothing. i mean, i date guys that are 10 years younger than me routinely, last guy was 5. i wouldn't even think twice about that.
i know you are hurt and you should be. but hug your heart and close your defenses against this guy. turn into yourself, your friends and your DS, and close ranks to protect yourself.
whatever you do, don't blame yourself. he is responsible for his actions. just be glad soon that you will be able to be strong enough to feel sexy on your own - without him. the sexy is in YOU. and you can bring sexyback. without him!
hugz.
Thank you Devuchka. Thanks for your positive energy. I have no idea what's going on now-- hesaid he wanted to talk to me TODAY, never showed up and now says that he wants to talk tomorrow.
Hi Marta,
I'm sorry you're still going through this and your husband still continues to act like a jerk. I hope that meeting him tomorrow will give you some closure so that you can move on with your life because you deserve so much better.
A guy that I dated in my early 20s sounds exactly like your husband. He would profess his undying love for me, then go and cheat on me with another girl. I would get upset because I was almost finished university and going places with my life, he chose a girl who had dropped out of high school and worked for minimun wage. I was angry, but I stayed with him because he was charming, told me the things that I wanted to hear. Our relationship went back and forth, back and forth for over a year. When it got to the point where I didn't believe his charming ways, he would try the next tactic - make me question myself by making it sound I was the irrational one. This went on for a year to the point I was becoming confused and questioning myself in other areas of my life. I was wondering if I had selected the wrong major in university, I postponed going to teacher's college because I couldn't make up my mind, everything was a 'big deal' and needed to be 'thoroughly' thought out because what if I made a mistake and dumped him and he was the love of my life???
I decided that my sanity was worth more than anything he could do or say to me, so I ended it. We had known each other since high school, so he wasn't easy to get out of my system. Our relationship was like an addiction - I knew he was wrong for me, but he could make me feel good at times. But even those times dwindled as he kept the relationship with this other woman. I ran into him a couple years ago when I went back home to visit friends. He's married to her now, and he was so embarassed by it that he pretended to be single by keeping his left hand in his pocket the whole time he was talking to me. Haha, what goes around comes around.
Please do not second guess yourself. Look after yourself. You do not owe him anything - no explanation, no justifications, nothing. You do what you need to do to get yourself centered and grounded again. You are not stupid for believing in him. He's stupid for taking advantage of someone who is considerate, understanding, and giving. Minimize the contact you have with him because he's only going to keep sabotaging your sanity. After you talk with him, call a friend so you can get a 'reality check'. Don't fault yourself for leaving a crummy relationship, you do what's best for you, and don't waste any more time!!!
I wish you the best, and know you're not alone. Get the support you need to move on, and like devuchka said earlier, bring sexyback! ;-)
hugs, lisa
don't assume that the OW thinks he's perfect. she's probably in denial & hoping he'll change.
look at it this way - you're on the OTHER end of the nightmare of him, while she's just headed into it. be glad you're where you are. you have only happier & sunshiney days to look forward to...
i know what you mean about feeling you've lost dignity. i felt the same way with my last ex. but, just ignore that feeling. little by little you're moving away, and sometimes it takes a lot of emotional effort to do that. just being on this board is a sign you're committed to yourself.
i'm not married, but i can only imagine the fear of failing at a marriage & the change in social status that singlehood brings, that in itself keeps many people in them i imagine. but i can tell you, single=sexy. it's all in how you look at things...
you go girl!