It's not you, it's me - somebody explain

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
It's not you, it's me - somebody explain
6
Sat, 10-21-2006 - 1:12pm
Hi'all,
Somebody explain to me this "It's not you, it's me" line. When breaking up I asked my ex to tell me, some of the mistakes that I made in the relationship so that I don't repeat them in my next one and his answer was that he has told me many times that it's not me it's him and that however, I rephrase the question the answer is still the same. I had said earlier that it takes two to make a fight and I want to know my part in it to move on.
Thanks
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-21-2006 - 1:21pm

I would say that more often than not, it's just a line people use when breaking up to avoid hurting someone's feelings.

However, if he is sincere, then he probably thinks that you haven't done anything "wrong", per se, but rather the two of you are not compatible, not right for each other.

I think that for your peace of mind and to be able to move on, I would just assume it's the latter and stop asking him (or having any contact with him, for that matter).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Sat, 10-21-2006 - 7:55pm
I've come to realize that sometimes, there never is a simple answer when people break up. Perhaps even he doesn't know what it was that made you two split or maybe he has other "issues" that you aren't aware of so basically it could be anything. I can understand you want to know specifics about what you did so you can work on or avoid them in your next relationship but if he's not willing to devuldge the answers, then you shouldn't waste anymore time trying to pry them out of him. It'll drive you bonkers!
GL
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 2:03pm
Reg, it's so good to "see" you!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 2:11pm

Hey, I'm sorry you're hurt.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 5:14pm

Hi there, I'm sorry you are hurt.

I got the exact same line from my ex. However, he went a little further to tell me that I am everything he ever wants in a girl and a relationship, but he just can't figure out why he was unhappy. That sealed the deal for me, and made me believe 100% that it was his problem, not mine.

You are just great the way you are, so don't think for one moment that you could have prevented this by doing something different!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 8:52pm

Hi'all,

Thank you for your responses they helped. In end I have mentally accepted that it's over. I can rest my case knowing that I gave this relationship my 100% but it just wasn't meant to be. I will lie low for a while (I don't feel like a relationship right now) maybe someday I will find the one that was meant for me. One thing I'm sure of though is that I won't be contacting him.

Thanks