It's over...Now what?????
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It's over...Now what?????
| Fri, 09-17-2004 - 1:31pm |
My three year engagement came to an end on August 23, 2004. My ex had began seeing someone else and I found him at her house....the first three weeks we talked every day. We were talking about working things out and then he decided he needed some space. So we didn't talk for a few days, then he emails me yesterday (my birthday) and informs me that he thinks we should "go our seperate ways" and that "too much has happened" and that this way I "don't have to wait for him". I'm so confused and mad. When I asked him what had happened in two days for him to suddenly decide what it is that he wants his only answer is "I don't know". He was going to come here yesterday because there were some things that I had wanted to tell him. He asked me to email them to him instead. So I did...I told him exactly what I had planned on telling him. That I thought if he and I were both willing to work on the relationship that I honestly thought we would be able to work things out. And that I wanted to be able to trust him again. He tells me that this other girl had nothing to do with his decision. That he hasn't spoken to her since Monday (09/13). I would just like to know what he based his decision on. Did he just decide to take the "easy" way out? This way he doesn't have to deal with working on the relationship??? How is it that they can just go on and act like life is fine? I haven't slept through the night since this happened. I hardly have an appetite. My mother forces me to eat. The hardest part is that he lived here with me and my parents (he doesn't have much of a home life). And everytime I walk into our bedroom I feel like I can't breathe. I can't stand the fact that he's not lying right there beside me at night. I feel actual PHYSICAL pain at night. I don't know what to do. Do I say anything? By the way, he never responded to my emails. But I know that he read them and didn't delete them...I checked his email....Do I just accept this and hope to God that he wakes up one day and realzes what he threw away??? HELP!!!!!!!!!!

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Reading his e-mail is a big no-no. Not only for the obvious reason ( not legal), but because it's gonna cause YOU pain. I read my ex's e-mail for 2 months while he was away in New Zealand (he broke up with me when he came back). He didn't know I read it, and still doesn't, but I told him to change his passwords. And he did. and as much I want to know who is e-mailing him, and if he's met someone, it's better that I don't. Get your guy to change his password. It's the best thing for YOU. And right now, it doesn't sound like this guy has treated you well at all......he cheated, didn't he? He won't give you straight answers about anything from the sounds of it. I know it's hard....3 year engagement.....long time.
Anyway to change your bedroom to another room? Get a new bed, redecorate? Basically kinda change everything so that it doesn't remind you of him? I physically NEED to move out of my apartment, and will be able to in a couple of months....that's gonna be a great healing event in my life. Too many memories in this ol' apartment for me to handle.
Maybe one day he'll "wake up". It's up to you to decide what to do in the meantime. You can hold on, and probably be miserable, or you can allow the healing process to begin and allow yourself to grieve. Allowing yourself to move on doesn't mean that one day you can't be with him....it just means that right now, when everything he is saying/doing says that he doesn't want to be with you, you can live for yourself, and try to get your own life on the go.
I'm sending lots of virtual hugs to you. Let you mom feed you, it's really important right now. I know how much you hurt. It's gonna take lots of time and there'll be lots of ups and downs, but you'll make it.
Karen
Take care Shannon,
hugs,
karen
Karen
I'm trying to stay busy. I have physical therapy 3 times a week, and I have been going out and trying to have some fun. Been spending a lot of time with my family. They have been so wonderful. Amazingly, no one has bad mouthed him...which I really appreciate cause I just know that I would jump in and defend him.
It's so incredibly painful. Like you, I hope that we meet again. I hope that he'll pick up his phone and dial my number and say that he's sorry and wants to try just one more time.
I opened up to him completely. I told him exactly how I felt about him, how much I thought we still had a chace to save our relationship - I mentioned how I'm willing to understand what he's asking for and see the positive side of being independent but those things didn't change his mind. I'm hoping that in a few weeks of being alone he'll realize how important our relationship is/was and much love I had to offer him. But again, these are just fantasies that make the healing process difficult.
I want to stop crying - I want to stop missing him - I feel so stuck. = _ \
First of all, I am so so sorry about both of your broken engagements. Remember that this is the worst time and that it WILL GET BETTER. I am sitting here right now in the middle of a HUGE fight w/ my live in boyfriend. He told me yesterday in the middle of a huge argument that he is no longer in love with me. I feel like my insides were torn out. I don't know if it was said in anger (I said some terrible things as well), but I do know that it is unforgivable. I told him to leave, to find someplace else to live.
I have been crying for 2 days, but today I went out and just thought about the situation. I know that one day he will be so sorry about this, and I won't even care anymore. Remember that women are inherintly stronger than men and that this too shall pass.
Sending out lots of hugs,
Luna
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