it's sinking in and it hurts again

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2005
it's sinking in and it hurts again
4
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 10:10pm
bf and i broke up 3 weeks ago. he said he loved me more then anything and he couldn't live by his emotional side, he had to think rationally. and rationally we can't be together. i thought because he was breaking up with me even though it was a painful decision, he would contact me. I thought he would be hurting so he would call. but he never did. we did speak here and there because of things that came up but all in all it has seemed he moved on SO easily. i walk the streets, crying, heartbroken, everything reminds me of him. i made the mistake of drunk dialing him last wednesday and i told him i missed him and i couldn't beleive he didn't call or email me. he told me it was because he knew we couldn't be together, so what could he call to say? he told me we had discussed everything and he misses me and the little things, but he know we can't be together, i have my life, he has his life, etc. i was devastated. i hung up with him and it was at that moment i decided I WOULD NEVERRRRRRRRRr call again. it made me feel worse rather then better. the next day in the afternoon he called me and i didn't pick up. he left a message saying he was calling to check on me and see how i was doing. wanted to see if i was feeling better, etc. i didn't call back. i knew that there was no point to calling him because he wasn't going to say anything i wanted to hear. the day after that i saw him on the street, made eye contact and ducked into a bank so he could avoid speaking with me, which is what he wanted. he could have easily walked down the street but instead he FOLLOWED me into the bank. i pretended i didn't see him and he stood right behind me. waiting for me to say hi. finally he said hi and asked if i don't want to talk to him. i said, i did and i said hi. he told me he had to run but he wanted to say hi. since that day nothing. i just cannot beleive that he seems to have moved on with no pain. the truth is, i don't know how he really feels, and people handle pain differently, but because he hasn't contacted me i assume he could care less about me and that really hurts. we were together a year and a half and spent everyday together since the day we met.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 7:08am
It hurts so much you think you may die, huh? I know...I feel the same way about my ex getting off easy and not feeling the pain that I have experienced. And all of those little things that remind you of him and the good times. Your post took words right out of my mouth. I am so, so sorry that you are in such pain. My break-up is very fresh and my pain is very raw, so I really do not have any advice to give other than hold on and with each day, I pray we get better and stronger. Keep on posting and talk it out until you are exhausted with it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are not alone....love, Donna
Faith
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 10:14am

It's totally normal to feel this way, which is part of why I've been urging you to take a pro-active approach of blocking him from calling or emailing you, so that you're not waiting for him to contact you on some level. Plus it's really empowering if YOU take control of your healing rather than being passive about it.

Also, I'd say it's time to pull out the Greg Behrendt book and re-read it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 10:20am
i leave my cell phone at home now for the time being when i am out doing errands. but i have come to the point where i know for a FACT he wont call me even if the sky is falling so i have let go of that feeling to check or wait. I guess its just weird when weeks have gone by and you realize, this person obviously really wanted me out of their life and hasn't even looked back. so weird that one person can get there so quickly and the other can be left still in love. whats worse is he told me he was still in love with me but had to make a rational decision to end it. so now i know he didn't love me anymore or else it wouldn't be so easy for him to move on.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 10:28am

That's something, but it's still not the same as YOU deciding: I don't want to hear from him, it will hurt my healing, so I'm going to do all I can to prevent him from contacting me. That way you're not waiting for a call or checking your phone...you know he's not going to be able to contact you. It's very freeing.

Also, you're forgetting one important point (and I know this is discussed in the book)--he had weeks if not months to prepare himself for this, so it's not "quick" to him...it's only quick to you, because you were in the dark about his plans.

Sheri