It's so hard, need help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2006
It's so hard, need help!
3
Thu, 11-30-2006 - 7:02pm

Brief story: I have been seeing this guy for a year. Although we both like each other, and had great time together, he didn’t really want relationship. He wanted us to be good friends forever. We both knew from beginning that he was going to move to another state at the end of this year (which is only 3 weeks from now), and next Jan, he would go to Europe and stay for a year. I wanted to be with him no matter for how long, but he said he didn’t want to get hurt when he’s leaving.

We had lots of talks since April, had been on and off several times. I know I’m not ready for the pure platonic friendship with him at all, so after being really disappointed last last Sunday night, I decided to stop seeing him anymore.

Now it has been 10 days, I keep myself really busy, but still sad every morning and night. He sent me 2 msg to see if I’m ok. I replied, I knew I shouldn’t, but I could help telling him how hurt I was. Then I still stick to “No contact”, but I feel it’s sooooo hard, I have to struggle with my feeling of thinking of him all the time.

I just couldn’t help wondering why couldn’t we just leave it till he leaves, why I have to do all the things to avoid seeing him now. In 3 weeks, I won’t see him at all, it would be a lot easier for me to heal. But why NOW? We worked at same place before, I even quit that part-time job to avoid running into him. My friends all said I would still have to see him one more time before he leaves, if not I would regret. But I really don’t know if I should say bye to him in person or not. I understand he will never treat me like the way I want to be treated. I cried again last night, and I still missed him a lot.

I really don’t know what I should do and when it can all get better????
Thank you for listening!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 12:10am

The facts say that he did not and doesn't want a relationship because he's leaving the country. You entered this deal knowing this and enjoyed the moments you both had. You knew that it was going to be hard to say good bye, but still continued to see him. After many talks that lead nowhere you decided to stop seeing him. THe facts didn't change. Now, after 10 days he contacted you and you replied letting him know how hurt you are. He doesn't care because he told you how things where and you still entered the deal.

If you decide to see him before he leaves, what do you think could be different? He'll be the same person with his bags packed and a ticket in his pocket AND not wanting a relationship. You'll be the same person wanting a relationship. Seeing him for one last time won't change a thing. In fact, it'd put a stop to the healing you've already started. If you want to say something, send him an e-mail wishing him a good trip. Chapter closed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 12:48am

echohhh...

Pianoguy thinks you already answered your own question with one of the sentences in your post:

"I understand he will never treat me the way I want to be treated!"

Basically...your love FOR HIM IS MORE INTENSE! He embraces the friendship the 2 of you have had...but that's as far as things are going to go! From what you've told us, it sounds like he's trying to gradually fade out of your life...as well as the relationship the 2 of you have had?

10 days is a good start. Unfortunately, you're approaching the holiday season..which is a natural time for couples to BE TOGETHER! . The one thing you have to keep telling yourself is that THE NEW YEAR WILL BRING CHANGES.

And in your case...I hope all of them are happy ones! :)

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 7:00am

Thank you for both of your thoughts.

My mind said same things to me, but just my heart always goes to the other direction. I do konw people come and go in our lives, although he's the first guy I love so much. It's just sad if I let someone I had been so close with fade out of my life.

We had discussed "friendship" issue before. Since I never have a close friendship with any guys, I don't think I will keep contact him after he leaves. He never has a close female friend either, but he said we had to talk at least once a week and he wanted us to remind in each other's lives. I can't tell if it will be true or not, and I konw guys say this kind of craps all the time. I know it probably sounds stupid, but I really don't want him to forget me.

God, I just wish time could go fast and I could be totally happy without him in my life anymore!!!