I've become the poster child of denial!
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I've become the poster child of denial!
| Tue, 03-28-2006 - 4:19pm |
Hello all,
I was hoping that by now, I'd have made my way to the "Still Mending" section...It's been almost 2 months, but somehow, I still feel freshly heartbroken.
Just a reminder to those who don't remember me: My boyfriend, soul mate, love, person who I thought I'd marry of 2 years decided about 2 months ago that his "feelings have changed, this just isn't working" and walked out of my life forever. We have had no contact, just like we're not supposed to.
I have been a complete basket case. I'm keeping busy, am seeing a therapist, and am on anti-depressants but there is absolutely NOTHING that makes me feel better...I'm exercising, going out, going to work, reading a lot...I just feel so empty, like half a person. The love I have for my boyfriend is so, so true and so deep that I honestly feel, 2 months later, that I'll never get through this.
I honestly feel that life is not worth living without him.
I just don't know what to do with myself anymore...Nothing is changing, I'm not getting happier...I am an absolute basket case, despite my best efforts to feel better. I miss him desperately.
I'm also ashamed to report that, as the subject says, I have completely become the poster child for DENIAL, because 2 months later, that's what I'm still in. I pray every second that he'll call, write, SOMETHING, that he'll realize this break up thing was a MISTAKE and he'll come crawling back. The only thing that gets me through the day is that thought that some couples DO get back together...I feel we truly were made for each other, and it is so, so awful to be the only one who truly feels that way.
I know it's over, but I just can't stop hoping. I feel like I'll never get through this. Please, someone help me. Has anyone here felt like this? I feel like I should've made much more progress than I have. I'm so desperate...Please help...Thanks...
I was hoping that by now, I'd have made my way to the "Still Mending" section...It's been almost 2 months, but somehow, I still feel freshly heartbroken.
Just a reminder to those who don't remember me: My boyfriend, soul mate, love, person who I thought I'd marry of 2 years decided about 2 months ago that his "feelings have changed, this just isn't working" and walked out of my life forever. We have had no contact, just like we're not supposed to.
I have been a complete basket case. I'm keeping busy, am seeing a therapist, and am on anti-depressants but there is absolutely NOTHING that makes me feel better...I'm exercising, going out, going to work, reading a lot...I just feel so empty, like half a person. The love I have for my boyfriend is so, so true and so deep that I honestly feel, 2 months later, that I'll never get through this.
I honestly feel that life is not worth living without him.
I just don't know what to do with myself anymore...Nothing is changing, I'm not getting happier...I am an absolute basket case, despite my best efforts to feel better. I miss him desperately.
I'm also ashamed to report that, as the subject says, I have completely become the poster child for DENIAL, because 2 months later, that's what I'm still in. I pray every second that he'll call, write, SOMETHING, that he'll realize this break up thing was a MISTAKE and he'll come crawling back. The only thing that gets me through the day is that thought that some couples DO get back together...I feel we truly were made for each other, and it is so, so awful to be the only one who truly feels that way.
I know it's over, but I just can't stop hoping. I feel like I'll never get through this. Please, someone help me. Has anyone here felt like this? I feel like I should've made much more progress than I have. I'm so desperate...Please help...Thanks...

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i was in same situation as you are LONG TIME AGO WITH MY 2YRS RELATIONSHIP. at first it was very hard. you know our routine. cant sleep, cant eat, cant focus AND ALL THE WORD "CANT"...RIGHT!!!
BUT TRUST ME I THOUGHT TOO THAT I CANT FORGET ABOUT HIM. MONTHS PASS I STILL THINK OF HIM AND I CALL HIM. ALL THOSE BULLY STAFF!!! BUT ONEDAY HE CALL ME AND CAME OVER MY HOUSE. I WAS AMAZED THAT WOW I DONT FEEL ANYTHING TO HIM ANYMORE. I GUESS IT FADED! WELL COZ MAYBE I'M SORT OF LIKING OTHER GUY THAT TIME. ACTUALLY HIS BEGGING ME TO MARRY HIM AND HAVE A BABY GIRL LIKE WE USED TO PLAN. I TOLD HIM ITS TOO LATE. NO WAY JOSE I'LL GO BACK WITH HIM. AFTER I REALIZED WHAT WAS I'M MISSING FOR. HECK NO!
SO SAME TO YOU. YOU NEVER KNOW HE CAME KNOCKING YOUR DOOR AND THAT TIME YOU JUST FINALLY REALIZED THAT "WHAT IS THIS THE GUY I USED TO LIKE OR WHAT"....THOSE SORT OF FEELING. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I BET YOU! YOU WILL "LOL"
WELL GOOD LUCK AND I WISH THAT YOU FIND THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU.
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. Giving up hope is one of the hardest things to do, but it's an absolutely necessary part of the recovery process.
What has worked for me in the past is using the thought-stopping technique (have you seen that post?)...when I start thinking in ways that you describe, I force myself to STOP, and I substitute a thought along the lines of, "well, that's all well and good, I may be convinced he was the one for me, but he doesn't think so and there's nothing I can do about that. I need to accept that. He can be right for me if he doesn't want to be with me. The sooner I accept that, the sooner I'll be ready to meet someone who IS right for me."
And I try to visualize putting my hope in a little box and putting it high, high up on the back of a shelf in my mental/emotional closet...in other words, it's still there, but I don't have to look at it or think about it every day, if that makes any sense.
Hope this helps some. It really is amazing how well forcing yourself to re-direct your thoughts works...it's hard and it takes practice, but it does help. (I believe that post about thought-stopping is on the board website, by the way).
Sheri
I am living your feelings to a tee. That is exactly how I am feeling, while reading your post I kept saying to myself: wow, this person is feeling the same way I am, just trying to keep the hope even though after all this he is putting me through I am still hoping that God somehow create a way for him to realize that he can't live without me, for him to call me one day and say, I have not been happy since we broke up and how much he needs me. Wishful thinking I know, but the hope keeps me sane right now. I am with you and together we can get through this as well as others who may be feeling the same way we are. So take care of yourself in the mean time.
I am at about two and a half months, and I am only an inch into my healing. I, too, feel like a shell of a person, and I have grown to hate the words "move on." I have done everything suggested to help my recovery: therapist, keeping busy, antidepressants, journaling, loving myself, talking to friends, reading tons of self-help books. The only thing that is better is I have stopped crying. I am now in the Angry stage.
He is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing at night, and a million times all day. I have tried Thought Stopping. This is just the most painful thing I have ever been through, except for my divorce, although I know it's not the most serious.
I, too, have a shred of hope that he will call me and say he made a huge mistake and wants me back in his life, although I know this would not be the best thing for me at all. So, for that reason, I hope it does not happen, and if it does, I hope I am strong enough to resist. That is the point I am trying to get myself to.
I am relying now on all my coping techniques, but I am adding prayer and depending on time. One book I just started is really helping, and it is a bit different from the others: Coming Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma. Really explains things well and takes away any guilt. Best wishes to you all. Hang in there.
Hi there,
I haven't felt that way for a long time, but when I did it was bad and it was an awful feeling. I can sympathize with you *hugz* But it does subside eventually. I wish you luck in the healing proces, just don't date other people too soon, it will not help you heal and will only hurt them. I've been on both sides of that situation, it is nothing but trouble. You and only you will know when you're really ready. Good luck and keep your head held high and smile for at least 5 minutes a day, even go as far as to laugh in the morning while getting ready. Something about smilling/laughing releases something into your brain that cheers you up.
Good luck and be strong!
LovingArt
I know it is so hard. I want him back so bad, too, but I also miss my home where I lived with him, my routine for six years, all his phone calls during the day, the pet names he called me that I will never hear again, and all his/my animals, 8 cats and 7 dogs. Can you imagine? I have lost so much. It is like a divorce without the structure of a divorce. But I did it all to myself by investing so much of my life in his. It is no wonder he is not suffering.
I KNOW he was not good for me, so deep down I pray he does not call me, but I miss his look and his touch so much. A part of my psyche just feels like it is on vacation from him, and if I wait long enough, I can go home. But that is not true.
I cling to this board, too. I visit it numerous times a day for support.
I healed from a 28 year relationship with my ex-husband. It took me two years. But I can tell you if you do it right, you will remember much of the events of the relationship, but it will carry very little emotion with it. You will feel just a twinge of pain and you will remember the very big lessons you learned. You may even feel sorry for them. That is how I KNOW it will get better. Hang in there, ladies.
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