I've become the poster child of denial!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2006
I've become the poster child of denial!
14
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 4:19pm
Hello all,
I was hoping that by now, I'd have made my way to the "Still Mending" section...It's been almost 2 months, but somehow, I still feel freshly heartbroken.
Just a reminder to those who don't remember me: My boyfriend, soul mate, love, person who I thought I'd marry of 2 years decided about 2 months ago that his "feelings have changed, this just isn't working" and walked out of my life forever. We have had no contact, just like we're not supposed to.
I have been a complete basket case. I'm keeping busy, am seeing a therapist, and am on anti-depressants but there is absolutely NOTHING that makes me feel better...I'm exercising, going out, going to work, reading a lot...I just feel so empty, like half a person. The love I have for my boyfriend is so, so true and so deep that I honestly feel, 2 months later, that I'll never get through this.
I honestly feel that life is not worth living without him.
I just don't know what to do with myself anymore...Nothing is changing, I'm not getting happier...I am an absolute basket case, despite my best efforts to feel better. I miss him desperately.
I'm also ashamed to report that, as the subject says, I have completely become the poster child for DENIAL, because 2 months later, that's what I'm still in. I pray every second that he'll call, write, SOMETHING, that he'll realize this break up thing was a MISTAKE and he'll come crawling back. The only thing that gets me through the day is that thought that some couples DO get back together...I feel we truly were made for each other, and it is so, so awful to be the only one who truly feels that way.
I know it's over, but I just can't stop hoping. I feel like I'll never get through this. Please, someone help me. Has anyone here felt like this? I feel like I should've made much more progress than I have. I'm so desperate...Please help...Thanks...

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Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 8:29pm

Believe me, the process does work, because I am very comfortable with my former married history. But the trick is not running from the pain, but going straight through it like some evil forest. It will be scary and painful and you cannot see through the dark, but all of a sudden one day, you will come suddenly to a clearing and you will see the sunshine and know that you have done the hard work necessary to have a wonderful life. So, it works, but you have to work it.

I take an evil satisfaction in knowing that my Ex is not doing anything but moving into another woman's arms, so I think after a few more months I will be fine and he will probably be having problems.

I am just quite shocked at how the ending of this 6-year relationship has thrown me for a loop. It feels more painful than my divorce, although I know it is not. Like childbirth, I think I have just forgotten the pain of the divorce. And I had three children with the first break-up. The truth is whether you are with someone for six months or thirty years, it just all hurts really bad if you have invested your heart in someone.

The ironic thing is that my recent-Ex was the wonderful surprise that was there when I came out of the forest of my divorce. And now he has become the millstone around my neck, my excruciating pain. I just have to learn all the lessons I can from this last break-up and try to choose better next time. Some day, I may graduate!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 2:44am

Sadly, I've been exactly where you are. I will say that it does get easier. Slowly, but it does get easier. It's been almost two years, and I still think about and miss my ex.

My ex and I were only together for about 6 months, but I still to this day feel like he was my soul mate. We spent ALL of our free time together, which wasn't necessarily a good thing. There are a lot of reasons why we broke up, but that's another story.

I realize now that just because you love someone, it doesn't necessarily mean that person is good for you or that you are good for them. My ex and I had what I would call a toxic relationship. Yes, I still love him and probably always will, but I can accept that now.

I've been with my current boyfriend for over a year, and we have a beautiful 1 month old son. I've moved on completely, and you can too. If you'd ever like to chat, you can certainly email me at tinkerbell78@charter.net. Be strong and take care!

Jen

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 7:50am
Well put and very inspiring Memphis. Like I said, hearing things like this gives me a little bit of hope but it's still so hard going through the pain right now. Morning's are the worst, and before I even open my eyes I want to die, cry and just scream at the world. Then the whole day looms large ahead knowing where my heart and mind will be most of the day. I really hope I learn something from this but right now it just plain hurts. Thank you though for sharing your story and inspiring us!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 9:25am
You have to let it go honey. Being depressed isn't going to help you. My fiance of 2 and a half years and I decided to split up. I thought I could never live my life without him but after crying for a week I realized I still have a whole life ahead of me and there are many men out there who would like to spend the rest of their lives with someone like me.
Don't wait around for him. Life is too short for you to spend it crying over someone who doesn't seem to want you anymore.

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