I've hit a rough patch

Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I've hit a rough patch
4
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 1:22am

It's been 29 days since my fiance of 5 years left me with a phone call. I was doing okay, but it seems as the days go by, I'm not crying all the time, but I'm aching. I'm lonely and I miss having someone around that knew me. I don't necessarily want him back, but I do miss him. I feel very confused. I haven't heard from him since the phone call, and while that does bother me, I also don't want to hear from him, because I'd probably be stupid enough to beg him to take me back and get stuck in that unhappy situation again, waiting for him to leave me. But anyway, I just don't know what to do with myself. I suppose this is a normal part of the healing process, but it's getting me down.


For those of you that don't know, I was living in Oregon with my fiance, so I had built my life around him. I had a job, friends, two ferrets, his family, and him. And when he left me, I had to move back home to California, and I have nothing here. I don't know where to make friends, my family is driving me nuts, I miss my ferrets terribly, I can't find a job (but am looking) and I have no one to talk to or hold me. I feel like I lost my whole life and I'm having a really hard time adapting to this change. If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it. I don't want to get sucked into depression. I know finding a job will help me so that I don't have so much free time to sit around and think, but there aren't many places hiring in my field.







Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 11:10am

I am so sorry you are hurting but it will get better....it is just a really hard thing to go through but all of us here have done it.

you are lucky that you have moved back home with family....is there any way you can get your ferrets.

take this opportunity to start over in a different place without him in the picture. is there anyway you could get a job or start some classes at a local college? that is the best way to meet people.

good that you are exercising...that will make you feel in control....but you need to do more....moving forward will make you feel like you are in control and give you time to heal....

tell your friends and family to be gentle with you at this time.....you need some TLC

and keep up the no contact...that is the best thing for moving on...

good luck!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 11:23am

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. What a painful experience. Your ex is actually doing you a favor by not being in contact, but I'm sure that's hard to accept at this point.

A couple thoughts/suggestions:

--having a counselor to talk to about what you're going through would be a big help. Maybe your family can help you out with the cost until you find a job?

--look into local hiking/walking/biking clubs so that you're not always doing those activities alone and have a chance to meet new people

--I know that job hunting support groups exist...have you looked into joining one?

--what about taking a part-time job at Starbucks or retail for the holidays just so you're doing SOMETHING while you continue to look for jobs in your field?

Hope these help...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 12:35pm
My ex has contacted me and it has made me feel worse. I was even offended that he was so worried about me, like I was going to wallow away and die without him. I was feeling better last week and now I'm upset again. So you're better off not hearing from him since he's allowing you to move on. It is hard for him too - that's why my ex broke down and contacted me. But talking again did not make any of us feel any better. So focus on yourself (I'm taking my own advice too) - look out for new and exciting things to come. And just think, you're in California - it's so much better than Oregon!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 2:47pm
If you do have a history of depression, then I would recommend therapy also. But it's quite normal to feel sad, lost, angry, etc. Believe me, I've been a whirlwind of emotions since my ex broke up with me last weekend. I was doing better last week until he IM'd me last night. So I had to take a few steps back, but as long as I don't here from him again, I think I'll be able to move on. I hope for the best for you. We all need to feel better soon!