I've Lost the Best Thing
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| Thu, 09-16-2004 - 6:26pm |
Once we bought the house I got so busy redecorating that I stopped seeing my counselor. My birthday came last month and I have never handled my birthday well. So my insecurities got the best of me. And no matter how much my boyfriend tried to make me happy, my yelling and screaming started again. Last weekend my boyfriend told me he is leaving me. He says he needs time to figure out what is best for him. He said that since the fighting started again, he is hurting too much. He hasn't slept at home since last Friday. He told me he thinks he should move his stuff out.
I am hurting so much. I haven't told my friends yet because I don't want this to be true. I am still holding on that he will see we are good together. I called my counselor back and started seeing him again this week. How foolish was I to stop seeing him. I don't want to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can't stop crying. I am in so much pain. Can anyone help me? Please don't tell me I'm better off because I cant believe that. I pushed my boyfriend away. The truth is he will be better off. Not me. I am just hurting for a million reasons. For being so messed up. For hurting him so much. And for losing him. I don't even know what to do or think.

Just my $.02 but the way I slowly got through the pain when my bf dumped me was I tried very hard to keep my mind occupied. I read books, went to the mall, whatever it took to keep me away from home with only my thoughts and my four walls. Whenever he comes to mind, you need to quickly try to think about something else, hard I know but don't dwell on what was and what could have been, do not let him live rent free in your mind, it does nothing but damage you. My heart goes out to you and I hope that very soon you will start feeling better. Lucy