I've never felt so down

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I've never felt so down
5
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 4:39pm
I was wondering whether anyone had any pearls of wisdom for me on how to get over a very sudden break-up?

I'd been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we were great together. There were a few issues about the future that we didn't see eye to eye on but we were so in love and everything felt perfect. It was the first serious relationship for both of us and because all those feelings of love and stuff were so new it added to the buzz of it all.

I'm at Uni and met him there, he's a local up here. That meant spending time apart whenever I went home for Christmas or Summer which was horrible. This year, I had to go home for summer even though I really didn't want to. I had no money left and my tenancy had run out. After about two weeks he came down to visit. It was the most amazing week we ever had. The sex was amazing and we got even closer than we'd been before. The night before he went home, we were in bed and he told me that I was the most important thing in his life and that he loved me more than anything. Saying goodbye to him at the station was the hardest thing I thought I'd do. I cried all the way home from London, just so upset that we wouldn't see each other for over 8 weeks.

The weeks passed though and I couldn't wait to come back up here for a week to see him and go to his mum's wedding. He picked me up from the station and was all smiles and everything seemed normal. The next day he started acting a bit strange and said a few things that hurt me a bit but I just shrugged it off. The day of the wedding was awful though, he sat at the end of the bed and looked at me with a look of 'I don't love you anymore' in his eyes. He couldn't touch me, he walked away all the time, whenever I held his hand, he pulled it away. He wouldn't even sit next to me on the sofa. This carried on for two days before he sat me down in his house 200 miles from my home and told me that he'd put me to the back of his mind over the 8 weeks and had lost all the feelings in doing that. He didn't love me anymore. He swears that he didn't cheat on me and I believe him, he's not like that.

That was nine weeks ago. I've since met up with him and got a lot of things off my chest but I feel no better. I'm on mild anti-depressants and I can feel myself sliding down a hole. Has anyone got any advice for me please? Thanks for reading this xxxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:19pm
i am so sorry you are hurting but it will get better in time....just try to have no contact with him and move on with your life. you must be young if you are still in university so use school as an opportunity to make new friends. long distance relationships...event though it was only over the summer and vacations usually dont work at your age. you have so many new experiences ahead of you...and boys that age sometimes just dont want to be tied down to a relationship...sounds to me like he felt it was getting too serious for him and that is why he pulled away.

just try to tell yourself that you do not want to be with a guy who does not worship and adore you....you deserve better and you will find it...first loves are great but they often dont last...

when you feel sad remember how coldly he broke up with you...you do not need someone like that in your life..

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 6:03am
Hi there

Me and my partner broke up just over a month ago.

It hurts a lot and I find that everybody gives advice but it keeps on hurting.

So I figured out, maybe one should just allow oneself to feel so sad and down.

Go through the emotions, cry when you want to.

The word humanbeing is " human" " being". Just be and take time to heal.

Good luck cause its the hardest time, but I heard from others we are suppose to

survive it.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:44am
Thanks for the advice. I've been looking at our relationship in more of a critical light in the last few days. We really were worlds apart on the 'future' issue. I come from a happy home, my Mum and Dad are happily married and that has influenced my views on relationships. With him, his Mum and Dad broke up about ten years ago and because of this (he says) he is so, so anti-marriage. I'm 22 and he's 21 so I definately wasn't wanting anything like that now but to just keep having that thrown at your face was quite hurtful. I know it'll take time but I really didn't know I would feel so bad. I'm impatient with feeling like this, I hope there's an improvement soon. xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:56pm
(((Hugs))) Welcome to the board...I'm so sorry this has happened to you....I'm sure you must be devastated. I have a feeling there is more to this break-up then what he's saying t here is....I don't know anyone who can date someone for over a year and lose feelings for them in 8 weeks...it just doesn't seem right. Not that the reason really matters. The best advice I can offer is to stay busy....hang out with friends, throw yourself into schoolwork, join a gym, take up a new hobby anything to take up your free time. Good luck and keep us posted and remember we're here if you need to talk.









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Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 9:09am
Hi, thanks for the advice :-) I have the same opinion on the way it happened. To fall completely out of love with someone in eight weeks is something that I really don't understand. I just wish that hadn't happened as it's really making me feel wary of lots of things. I'm not taking anything for granted and it's making me wonder whether I'll be able to trust someone with my feelings again.

I'm branching outy and making friends which is good. I'm in my final year at Uni so I'm busy with all the work, I just hope that it doesn't suffer because of all this.

Thank you for listening, I really appreciate it.

xxxx