Like I've punched in the gut
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| Wed, 04-20-2005 - 2:42am |
Tonight on a whim I browsed match.com and whose profile should I find but my exs. He posted it over three weeks ago, when we hadn't even broken up yet. His lack of activity on the site (also over three weeks) leads me to believe that either it hasn't been successful or that more likely, he's already met someone.
In fact, since the profile was posted over three weeks ago, I believe that it could be any time prior to three weeks, so he may have been cheating on me and this leads me to a genuine concern.
We were still sleeping together shortly before the breakup and now I'm wondering if he was having sex with someone else. I used birth control, but he didn't wear a condom. Maybe I'm overreacting, but if he was sleeping with someone else, I'm worried he could have given something to me.
We haven't spoken for over three weeks and I don't want to break that, but should I contact him and ask for an answer to my question? And if so, how? I contacted him a couple times when things were going south and he wouldn't answer me through either phone or e-mail.

Thank You!
I'm not sorry at all about the break up and I've been doing really well, it just kind of hit me for a loop to see that all along, he was looking for someone else and didn't have the guts to tell me it was over. (He broke up with the silent treatment.)
We were together for three years and it hurts to know that the relationship meant so little to him.
I can say honestly though that I am so glad to be rid of him and can't believe that I could have loved such a jerk.
Thanks again for the support, I'll hang in there.
I'm sorry for how you feel, I recently broke up with my GF of 4 years and she's already found another, makes you feel easily forgotten I know.
As for the STD concern, if you haven't had any symptoms or illness yet you're probably fine. Most STDs will show themselves in 2-3 weeks, even HIV will cause flu like symptoms 2-3 weeks after contraction. So if you've been feeling great physically you probably don't have much to worry about.
Of course this doesn't mean you shouldn't be tested before your next relationship however.
Hi Amy,
I'm going to agree with the other posters on this one. Definately don't break the NC. Every time I get angry or have some sort of feeling that causes me to want to call my ex I try to ask myself if I'm just making an excuse to call her. If you're really worried about having contracted an STD from this slug go and get tested, but calling him would do absolutely no good and only set you back. I made the mistake of calling my ex after seeing her out on a date with some guy...she had said she wasn't going to date for a very long time after we split and it wasn't long at all. Needless to say an argument ensued and we both said some very nasty things to each other...it wasn't good for me or her at all. Just worry about yourself...if he was enough of a jerk to 1) look for someone else while you were together and 2) not have the guts to actually tell you it was over...he's just plain not worth talking to anyways.
I contacted him a couple times when things were going south and he wouldn't answer me through either phone or e-mail.
Look, do what you didn't do while in the relationship now and for eternity. Accept facts and have goals and take responsibility for your actions and destiny.
If the man wouldn't contact you when the relationship was going south....why would he contact you now. And if he wasn't honest with you throughout the relationship, as evidenced by his refusal to communicate honestly unless it meant he benefitted...why would he tell you the truth about his sexual activity while you were togehter.
If he did answer the phone or email...and his goal was to "hurt' you - he'd say he was unfaithful, whether he was or not. And if his goal is to dismiss you - he won't answer at all.
Face a fact..the realtionship is over, some facts point to his potential infidelity, get yourself to a doctor and be tested for STD's/HIV/AIDS...and that way you have true assurance and peace of mind that what you KNOW is correct about your status.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Dating sites are the cheating mechanism on the new century! They are such an easy way for men to cheat that a man must have thought of them! Ok I know you're going to argue with me and tell me to not be so bitter. But I am. My b/f cheated on me thru these sites many times - of course I didn't know about it at the time.
Men and to a lesser extent (much lesser) women use dating sites to get sex and to cheat. It's so obvious! Women should be aware of this!
My b/f didn't even use condoms which left me open to getting any type of disease! He's now straight back onto these sites - if he ever left them!
I hate them! I think they're for losers who can't meet people in real life. They're too easy - no need to get out there in the real world. Just go online and shop for sex!
Ok I'm sure there are some success stories out there but I know many more about people who have been cheated on by their partners using these sites. it's pathetic and sad.
Please forgive me for my rant and rave and try to understand what it's like to be cheated on by someone who's addicted to these dating sites. I never had a clue how painful it is to be betrayed. The pain and hurt is so deep that I wonder if I'll ever truly recover.
Then to top it off - when I found out about his last betrayal he asked me for another chance and I gave it to him. We were trying to get pregnant at the time (had been together two years) and he was sleeping with some girl he'd met on one of these sites!
I stupidly gave him another chance. Guess what ?! He dumped me a few weeks later! he's now back online dating of course!
Louise