Just after some advice ??
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Just after some advice ??
| Fri, 02-23-2007 - 11:03pm |
Can anyone offer me advice. My fiance just walked out of my life after 7 years (5 weeks ago), we had an argument and he used this as his reason for leaving (all my fault). The relationship had been rocky on and off in earlier years but we seem to have had a really good run over the past 2 1/2 years since becoming engaged (or so I thought), he was very nasty when he left, blamed me for everything, and apparently has done no wrong. I realised after he left our home that I had missed signs (of infidelity) tons of them in fact, I confronted him and he replied no affair, no sex, I am a good looking guy, with a beautiful smile and that he hated me. I have no proof he has cheated, but am convinced he has left me for someone else and am now not spending anymore time searching for the truth, as my intuition and gut feeling rules the answer. He made a point of telling me when he left that I new nothing about him. I guess I am upset that I didn't pick up on the signs while he was here and that he walks away free of responsibility and I am left to accept what has happened without explanation (the argument sorry). He phoned me 2 weeks after leaving and said that there was one question I hadn't asked him and that was did he want to come back?? He said that he would consider it but I felt it was a game so replied that evening with NO you are not coming back and he then blamed me for the relationship failing because I said NO. Since he moved out a fortnight ago from a friends (apparently with a mate) I have not heard from him, he has cut me off and I stopped ringing and messaging him 1 week ago. I guess I am in limbo about what has happened, I just don't know. Is there such thing as what goes around comes around. Has anyone had a similiar experience, I am in my mid thirtes and he is in his early 40's. How do I get my head around this, can anyone offer advice.
Edited 2/23/2007 11:11 pm ET by learningagain
Edited 2/23/2007 11:11 pm ET by learningagain

Hi learningagain and welcome to the board. I can only imagine your shock at uncovering more facts that you weren't aware of. However, I would just assume that there was someone else and move forward with your healing otherwise you will make yourself crazy.
Take care of you.
What goes around pretty well does come around, but what are you thinking was going around?
Hi Sandra,
It has been another week since I made my post and I agree with a lot of what you said. We did have a communication breakdown in the relationship, he didn't speak to me about what he (really) wanted, and after he left I asked him why he didn't speak to me if he was unhappy, he replied with "you would not have listened", I then replied with "if you didn't speak to me then how was I to know". This is probably the most important thing that I have learned from this painful lesson. I am not blaming myself for not listening because I wasn't given the opportunity to listen. Regarding the already broken and didn't fix it, that hit a nerve!! I can't answer why just yet.
I agree with your thoughts on the infidelity issue, I know I shouldn't assume anything without proof, regardless, he wanted to leave so I guess it doesn't really matter whether it be one or the other. He left.
Basically our relationship fell apart because of lack of communication and mistrust so I am starting to acknowledge that it ran its course, although painful.
I am taking your advice and trying to concentrate on myself because I want the opportunity to be happy even if that means on my own.
So thanks.