just broke up....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
just broke up....
3
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 10:25am

I just broke up with my BF of four years. We did not live together but were planning on it this summer, and then having a baby. The only thing is nothing in detail was ever discussed and he just goes off and does his own things. seems he does not know how to put anyones interest above his own. I have been saying for a couple years I wanted to spend more quality time together and plan the future and it never happened. In the meantime, he took a job in OH, only on weekdays, home on weekends. not only does this mean i won't see him and he will be far away, he won't see his son every wed like he has religiously done since i have known him. He lost his job last Aug and has been doing everything BUT looking for a job since. unpredictability is a major factor in this relationship, i told him i want a commitment and i don't see it or hear it from him. I feel sad but i also feel like i deserve better.....he actually thought i was kidding about the break up, he said i will call you and i said NO....how should i handle it if he calls when it is too hard to be just friends. we both have one child each who have grown close to one another, how can i explain this to my son?

need advice to get through

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:08pm

idiane32...

Pianoguy suggests that if you HONESTLY want "loyalty"----head for the local animal shelter and adopt a dog! With proper training, the canine you select will stick to you like glue!

Can't say the same thing about your b/f! That "dog" is gonna stray whenever he feels like it! So if you're expecting a future together....FORGET IT!

You are living together....but that's it! So if you can muster up your courage to move in with a g/f or possibly "return home temporarily"---DO IT! It's clear that the current relationship arrangement ISN'T working and CERTAINLY ISN'T MAKING YOU HAPPY???

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:35pm

hi idiane

i'm so sorry for what happen to you. actually about the attachment of your bf to your son. i bet you your son will understand that..all kids are smart they know whats up and whats going on in your relationship. they know if your happy or your sad they feel that....just like my son his only 5 yrs old. he know if i'm heart broken, stress and not in the mood. his too smart!

about your exbf dont have time with you i know its hard to understand guys. why as lady were good in time management. even were so SUPER BUSY we still find way to put time in our schedule for them not only that the funny is THEIR IN THE PRIORITY LIST.

I GUESS LIFE IS TOO UNFAIR!!! WELL LIFE MUST GO ON DEAR NO MATTER WHAT...LIFE IS TOO SHORT! BUT YOU GUYS BEEN TOGETHER FOR 4YRS RIGHT. I DONT SEE NO REASON FOR YOU GUYS DONT GET BACK AGAIN. I MEAN THIS IS ALL UP TO YOU I GUESS....IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU HE NEEDS TO PUT EFFORT AND TIME FOR YOU RIGHT?

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SO PROUD OF YOU ATLEAST YOU STAND FOR YOUR SELF AND PROVE THAT TO HIM. YOU DIDNT TOLERATE HIM TO BE UNFAIR.

GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:53pm

thanks for the vote of confidence. it was very difficult but i finally had to put my foot down. it is his son and my son that have become very close, they always ask about each other and we had a vacation planned in june with them and were excited. so i also feel guilty about ruining that for my son.

i do feel good about letting all this out in the open. i told him i was not waiting anymore