Just broke up and I need some support

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Just broke up and I need some support
1
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 3:43pm

Hi Ladies,

I broke up with my boyfriend last night. I feel extremely restless and I was wondering if I can get some support here. Altough both my boyfriend and I know this is the right thing to do, breakup is never easy.

We decided to end our 8 months relationship last night over the phone, but we wanted to say proper good-bye in person, so I'm going to see him later this afternoon. It's going to be hard looking at his face and to say good-bye...

I'm 34 and he is 30. I work and he is in school finishing up his PhD. We are both sturbborn so we've had stupid arguments over and over and came to conclusion that we are not compatible.(I admit that I'm sturbborn, but he is so sturbborn that he can't even admit that he is sturbborn) Also the timing is all wrong. We live in Southern California, but he is moving to Northern California to do a post-doc, once he is done with his PhD. He will probably be in up north for a year or two. 1 year of long distance between So.Cal and No.Cal won't be too bad, but the thing is that the chance of him moving back to So.Cal is very slim with his field of study. His future vision is to start a company in someplace like HK or China for the cheap labor. We haven't build enough relationship to commit to anything at this point, yet it was getting close to his up coming move and we had to discuss what we wanted to do realistically. We are sad, but with the move and the stupid arguments we've had, we decided that it's for the best.

Relationship sucks!! You spent so much time together, invested your time and effort into the relationship, but when it's over, it's over. Of course I always learn something from it, but it seems like it always ends up in breakup no matter how hard I try. Who decided that men and women should be couple when we are so different! I'm curious to know how other women found their "the one"..... Am I unconsiously picking a wrong type over and over again? I know the pattern though, when I'm with a guy who does everything/gives me everything I want, then I don't want him. But then when I'm with a guy who doesn't easily give me what I want, that's when I get sucked in. What's wrong with me....? Is anyone out there experiencing the same?
I really am tired of dating. I'm ready to settle down with a guy who cares about me, who is there for me when I need him to be.....Is that too much to ask?

Sorry for the long email, but I feel so restless and can't help but talk about what's on my mind.

Thank you for reading!
Heartache

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 3:49pm
You are right. Breaking up is never easy. Even in your case where you know that it is the right thing. I think if you see yourself only interested in the men that do not give you what you want, you should examine yourself and determine why this would be.
I believe so many of us all think that we HAVE to be in a relationship instead of looking inside ourselves and being there for ourselves.
You came to the right place for support.
MsBlueEyzz