Just broke it off with him yesterday...
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Just broke it off with him yesterday...
| Fri, 09-21-2007 - 12:23am |
Hi everyone, I am new to ivillage - I stumbled upon your posts and decided to write. At a time like this, it was wonderful to see all the support that you offer each other.
So here goes...
I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half yesterday...and even though I initiated it, it doesn't make it any easier...I am on this emotional rollercoaster, one minute I just want to get back with him and I regret my decision, and the next minute I am very confident that I made the right decision. I also break down and cry, and then later I feel like I'm gonna be okay.
There are so many reasons I know I should not be with him and that's why I did it... we had communication problems; he has anger issues and would snap and yell

I feel like I am going through the exact same thing. My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday after finding out that I lied to him about sleeping at a guy friends house and taking Ecstasy. Although I never cheat on him the fact that I lie about stuff like that kills him. I don't want to lie to him I don't want to do drugs I just want to be with him cause he is my drug, my happiness. So I beat my self up over this cry all the time tell him I will change when in reality he may not be right for me. My family and friends tell me all the time they do not support or relationship but I have so much love for him. I don't know how to walk away from all this even though I know I should. He is the only thing besides alcohol and drugs that makes me happy. I don't know what to do. I feel like my life is out of control and that I need his help to make me strong because he has brought me so far and I have grew so much because of him. I know I just have to find it in my self to be strong and move on but I don't know if I can.
You sound like you are doing a lot better than I am. Good luck and if you want to talk to someone who is going through a similar situation I am here!
OMG! While reading through your post my jaw was dropping. I am going through almost exactly the same thing and have used exactly the same words that you used throughout your post. My relationship has been about two years and I ended it with him (again) yesterday. I have the same doubts you do - second guessing myself when I think of the good times and his good qualities, but knowing in my head that we are not right for each other. Square peg in a round hole is a phrase I've used many, many times to explain to him why it wasn't working.
In my case, I not only have to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions, but I have to field off repeated calls from him. Whenever we break up (which has been too many times to count)
In the last three years, I have once (3 days ago) been the one who wanted stay in the relationship when the other wanted to leave, twice been the one to cut off romances the other wanted to keep, and once been part of a mutual departure. In these four cases, time and space was the key to finally healing. If your highest, wisest self knows that he is not the one for you, your love and feeling for him can still be true. That fact does not negate your feelings! But it absolutely never will bring you to fulfilling love with him.
Your will is so strong. Keep bringing yourself back to what your highest self knows is true. It will take time to retrain your body and soften the feelings in your heart, but this is the way to healing and new, fulfilling love.
You are doing great!
Wow thank you all for your support and kind words. It's so nice when others can relate to your situation. And it's funny, salgal2006, I am reading, "It's called a breakup because it's broken" and I was reading it last night! As soon as I woke up this morning I thought about him and thought to myself "NO Contact, NO Contact!!" and then I started re-hashing all the negative things about him and our relationship in my mind in order to tell my heart to stop missing him. I had a very weak moment and I called and texted him, and later we talked for over an hour. It was great because I got to say what I wanted to say (when we broke up it was very abrupt and over the phone) and we're still broken up...and I still miss him. But of course part of me wants to reconcile and part of me wants to see if he'll make the "changes" that I want and need him to make (naive!!!!).
It's crazy how many times I've wanted to break up with him...but not once did he ever want to break it off with me...he ALWAYS wants to work it out....so sometimes I think, wow, he loves me so much, some people never have that. I love him a lot too...but marriage material? I just don't think so. But then I do, but then I don't!!!
You know!??!?
Yes...we are going through almost the same thing!! I too get worried that he will be so devastated and depressed that he won't be able to function...I also know that probably my family and friends have had enough with this breaking up/getting back together thing. We've broken up twice before, but I've threatened breaking up with him too many times to count. I don't like to threaten and I don't do it to get a reaction, I've done it because there have been moments when I just feel like I've had enough and want to leave. I also do feel bad for him and when he cries and wants me back, it's difficult for me to not hear him out or to just get out anyway.
I know how hard it is to not answer phone calls and texts...it's near impossible sometimes for me! Yes, you are right, we can do this! I am going to read the rest of that book and just take time for myself. I am thankful I have support not only from family and friends, but also from people like you on these message boards! Thank you!
that makes 3 of us...well, almost.
Welcome to the board mek41780,
Everything you feel is normal.
hey ladies
All your posts are som familiar to me. Ive been in relationship for more than
Michelle,
I try to remember these words in all relationship situations: