just cant think straight
Find a Conversation
just cant think straight
| Wed, 12-05-2007 - 7:31am |
i asked me partner to leave a few months back. after 7 years and a beautiful
| Wed, 12-05-2007 - 7:31am |
i asked me partner to leave a few months back. after 7 years and a beautiful
Hi jocasey,
It sounds like you went through a pretty tough time and managed to come out on top, good for you! Congratulations on finding the strength inside to look out for yourself and your children and acutally act upon that strength, many women never find it in them to take that sometimes very necessary leap.
Of course you still love him. Even bad relationships have a way of getting under your skin, so two months isn't going to heal all the wounds nor erase the love of a seven-year relationship. What's important at this point is to not make any major decisions based on a broken heart or hurt feelings. You need your wits about you.
It's always possible that people can change, what's generally not possible is significant change to happen in a short period of time, at least not any changes that will be permanent. If he is truly serious about this revelation he's had, about the counseling, about wanting to work things out, he will still feel that way in six month's time and if he doesn't then he never did. You can come up with some kind of arrangement with him as far as seeing the children, but I personally wouldn't invite him home just yet. I'm sure after 7 years they're pretty well used to him by now, but children have a way of thinking that if everyone's together, everything will be alright and happy and as adults we know that's not true. The relationship he has to fix is primarily the one with you.
So, I'd say take this time that he's *working* his way back VERY slowly. You're not out to make him suffer, but you do need him to prove himself and his sincerity to you, you're worth that. You'll be able to better gauge his sincerity over time. You may decide you want to work at it again, you may not. At some point, you may also want to seek some short-term counseling to help YOU also not fall into the same bad habits and patterns that helped you get where you were with him. In any relationship there were two people contributing to its success or downfall.
Good luck,
Welcome to the board jocasey,
Don't give all this up:
i saw things for what they are...and told him it was over. he moved out 2 months ago. and its been so peaceful and quiet. the kids have relaxed and its so nice to be free. i can go out for a drink and get a bit tipsey...and not be called a drunken embarassment.i have friends...i travel to vist relatives i wasnt allowed to see before. ive built bridges with family he made me cut ties with.
A controller does not change over night. I hope you take Sandra's advice.
Hi JoCasey,
It's funny, people don't get into debt overnight, but we expect to have a quick fix to get out of it. People also dont become overweight overnight, but again we try and find a quick fix to drop 20 pounds a week