Just don't understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Just don't understand
3
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 5:21pm
Okay so my exe and I started talking again. I felt like i had moved on from the relationship and I was doing really well. Well he was my best friend at one point in time. Anyway, A month ago... i couldn't get him to stop talking to me because I needed some time. So i took a forced no contact. Well I was finally able to have him back in my life a week ago. I no longer missed him... just the companionship in general. NOW... talking to him is like pulling teeth. I try to initiate conversation and its all one word answers. I feel like he doesn't like talking to me at all. Like he hates me or something. I didn't do anything wrong. Taking time for myself was essential. I did tell him that I was over the relationship and no longer wanted to be with him... but i still missed him. Thats why i needed that no contact period. Well now that I took it... I feel like he and I will NEVER be friends. I feel like he doesn't want to. What made him do that complete 360? A month ago... he wanted me in his life so badly and said he loved me being in his life. Now, i feel like its the opposite. I feel like he doesn't care about me at all and that really hurts, because I will always care about him. I want him in my life and i love him being in it... but Ive decided im just going to let him go. If he wants to be friends, ill let him do it in his own time. But what do you guys thing is going on in his head? Why the change of heart? It makes me so sad thinking he and I will never be friends. Any suggestions on how to make that feeling go away? I feel like i want to cry. Im sick of feeling like this. Another bad day...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 7:30pm

Why do you assume he's had a change of heart? Maybe he's just trying to feel out how the interaction with you is going to be different now. It's natural, it's normal, for the communication to be somewhat stunted at first right after beginning to try and "be friends," your conversations WILL be different, so don't go jumping to conclusions about anything or anyone right now, not him, not you. Give both of you a break.

Right after my breakup, I told my ex I "never" wanted to be friends with him, horrible words that I ate after a few weeks. Then we tried being "just friends" way too soon, some feeligns got hurt, some confusion was experienced, then we took some time trying to figure out just what kind of "friends" we were going to be, casual acquaintances, good chums, close friends, or soul friends. We've been lettign it evolve however it's going to over time. It is a lot of give and take, lots of discussions, some arguments, some negotiating, lots of patience and a whole lot of overlooking things. This has taken approximately one year to come to where we are, which is somewhere between god chums and soul friends, depending on the day ;)

To me it seems as though you're trying to plow your way through this recovery process, so my best suggestion to you is to take everything one day at a time.

Best,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 3:14pm

Hi lindseyloo,


For the most part I agree with Sandra wrote to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 1:52am
ugh! that is so frustrating. It really is like pulling teeth, isn't it? The thing that I dont' understand is that they should just tell you that you can't be friends. Why prolong the torture? It's hard enough to deal with the fact that you're not what you once were, let alone going through the grueling process of defining what you are now. My ex just came in and gave me one word answeres. When I ask him if he would rather me not talk to him his response is " We're cool, I'm cool, you're the one not being cool." He knows this is not a normal way to communicate. He knows this is not the way we normally communcate why doesn't he just SAY he doesn't want to talk to me. Why does he have to torture me like this. I know what you mean about caring about him and not understanding why he doesn't cares about you. If it makes you feel any better I am right there with you. I feel like bursting into tears. How can such good intentions lead to such pain?
"More and more it seems like I'm doing a really bad impersonation of myself."