just got rid of a cheating boyfriend, an

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
just got rid of a cheating boyfriend, an
18
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 6:47am
Hello, I am 24 and up until today was in what I though was a serious realationship. I found out that he cheated on me with one girl(oral sex and a dates) and had sex with another sometime ago. Please help me I am so lost with out him. I cant sleep becasue he is not there with me, i am worried about STD's and part of me wants to forgive him and take him back. We lived together for 2 years, and i thought he was my soul mate. I cant belive he would do this to me, this is my first time dealing with a cheating partner, and only my second time dealing with the break up of a major relationship. I feel like i will never find anyone again, have you ever been in this situation? And i am worried about the STD thing becasue the girl she slept with is dirty and had serious drug problems in the past, i am so lost i dont know what to do...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 1:04am
I will try, but of course its 1 am on day 11 that I havent slept and feel like a zombie, when does this end.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 5:29am

Hi,

it may sond stupid of me to even suggest but why don't you try some alternative remedies like aromatheraphy or something to help u relax. i knw its probably hard to even get the thought out of ur mind n u possible r playing the whole thing in ur mind again n again n maybe u r wondering what if u had done soemthing differently. well i'v done tht a 100 times now. i work in a very supportive environment and i guess that has helepd me to cope with the situation. its not lessened the pain but i've realised that there is light at the end of the tunnel and tht this will pass n life will return to normalcy. i mean a lot of people go through break-up n i guess everyone recovers from it...its just the time factor some take longer than others.

i just realised that this is a US website, i am in UK....if i was there maybe we could meet n go for a huge tub of ice cream get on with some male bashin, burn our BF's photo's n call it a closure ritual. but i guess things don't come tht easy. try to be good to urself...u've cried enough for him now its time to be selfish and think about urself. just think about it he's not worth you, u r far too good for him n he has not realised this. i stick by one motto in life n thts everything happens for the best...its hard to see it now but months down the line when u look back at this day u'll wonder why u wasted ur energy n ur precious time on a scum like him.

i was sooooo tired of thinking i went out n indulged in some retail therapy...my bf din't like me spending money on things which he said were not a necessity n then i thought he was correct....but i went out n splashed money on books tht i could have lived without but it just made me feel good....its a temporary thing but it still helped. so try doing something tht u enjoy doing n maybe u haven't done in a while.

n i knwo i keep wondering when this pain will stop or when will all of this come to an end...don't worry it will very soon. try to concentrte on somethign positive in ur life. hey i wanted to loose some weight n all this not eating not sleeping has helped me loose weight , as stupid n wrong as it sounds...am trying to see some positive in it. thats all we can do at this point, look at something positive n then slowly build on tht.

take care n continue writing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 6:37am
I too have lost weight, i have not eaten a meal since monday's breakfast. I work full time have part time job and go to grad school part time, i am having such a hard time doing my shcool work, and it is mid-term week. i go through stages when i want him back, and I want him gone forever. I hope he can change. we are going to talk to somone on oct 25, maybe it will help. Right now i am worried abut the STD test I will have in 1 hour. I cnat belive that i even want back a guy who made me get an STD test. GOd what the hell is wrong with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 6:52am

nothing is wrong with you. the only thing wrong is that you are normal...get it. this is the grieving process, where life suddenly comes to a standstill. it is natural to feel sorry for urself n want to go back to the way things were before. please don't be so hard on urself.

the good thing is that u r occupied with a lot of work, i knw u can't concentrate...this will go on for some time i guess but please don't think you are alone in this, we are all here to support u n ourselves. all the best for ur test, am praying for u. i knw how much u want him back in ur life...i knw tht i want things to go back to the way it was before. but there's also a voice in my head which says things will never be the same again. i was talking to someone yesterday n he said once a cheater always a cheater n u knw what i kind of believe that. but again its not true for everyone. i wish tht after ur talk the two of sort things out n it all works out for u. but at this point all i can say is that, u've a lot to look forward in life. don't let this break u down. u've two jobs u r studying...thats a lot of effort....this has put a dampner on ur spirit but don't let it take u down. u will find ur strength. take ur time n see how it works out.

i am now going to eat this big bar of chocolate, i hope u can get urself to eat something as well. once again all the best for ur test.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 8:35am
Me and my sister were talking last night and she said that I definitely need to see a therapist because I am not doing well with this not eating, not sleeping crap, and the fact that the stress of not eating and sleeping is then compounded by having to drag myself into work where he also works and see him and have him completely ignore me everyday like I was nothing and no one to him, there is no where to go for escape, at work hes there, I come home, everything in this house reminds me of him, I just dont know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 9:25am

hi there,

i wanted to let you know that am praying for you. if you want to see a therapist..please go ahead and do so. if thats going to help you,then definitely try it. i had mentioned earlier that i've a very supportive work environment...i have two counsellors in my office and so i guess its been very helpful as am getting a lot of help from them and they've been so supportive. and thats where i feel for you, coz i remember that you said that you've common friends and you have to see him all the time...i've realised that a bit or a lot of male bashing always helps me at least to feel good momentarily. i don't have any friends where i live, all my friends are back home in india or around the worl, no one in london, so its been very difficult, but finally i realised that i needed to talk to somone n thats when i called my friend n she just put certain things point blank to me n u knw wht it felt good. so if u've any friends who r not his friends then go n meet them

so yes go ahead see someone who'll heal you towards the path of healing. if your sister is supportive n if she does not mind go live with her for some time, or try n get rid of all his stuff from ur place (only if u feel like). but please remember that we are all here to help you through this time.

take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 10:45am
Today is a really bad day, another thing is I had uterine surgery the same week we broke up, so I cant even keep busy doing stuff, I just have to sit in this house with memories of him all around me, I am out of work for 2 more weeks, I just moved so I dont have any friends around, his friends were my friends so now I have none, I have been pacing this house and crying all morning, dying to call him, even though the last time I did he told me this was the worst relationship he ever had and didnt want to go back and hung up on me. I just cant stop crying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 8:05pm
wow that must be so hard..at least i getto feel a little good when he call me up crying and saying how sorry he is and how he wants to get back with me. Today has been better, at night and in the morning has been the worst, but today i went to get the STD testing done, and I freaked out in the car after the test, i called him up screaming. I als o found two very uplifting songs, Beonce, "me myself and I" and Joss stone "You had me". I am looking forward to the weekend and going out, i am very blessed to have caring friends, who were just as shocked as me to find out about him. I hope you all have a nice weekend.

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