just grrrreat
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| Mon, 05-15-2006 - 12:34pm |
Hey-
Not doing too great here. Well I was! but then he called. He is just so in love and loves me so much. I feel horrible to say that I don't feel it back and that I never did. But it wasn't fair to him. We were together for about 8 months. This guy was clingy, obsessive and very intense, to the point where it put me into a depression. I hated it, every single freaking day I would question how I felt about him. I had doubts from day 1, but yet made a relationship happen, who knows why. Then I went through this cycle where i would break up and go back.
I went to counseling and lately I have just felt that I have to end it for sure, even though I had said that before. I am serious this time, and I know for a fact that I can't go back. Some things have just happened that have made me realize this. but anyway, when i would go back, of course I would say things to him, but they were all lies such as: no one compares to you, i love everything about you, i love you, we would have such cute kids together, you are awesome, and blah blah blah. So of course, he says those things keep running through his head. I mean he never even knew that I have been going crazy and have been stressed and unhappy, yeah I would tell him that I wasn't sure about things, but he has no idea of how major it it was.
I just feel so bad because he keeps thinking about the things i said. and they were lies. I FEEL ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE. yeah i pretty much hate myself for it. but i can't take it back and i go back with him because i feel bad. i certainly learned that the hard way. but what do you do?
So 4 days had gone by with no contact, which was GREAT but at my work, i answer phones, and there is no caller ID, so i HAVE to answer it, and i was so worried he would call me this morning, cuz that is what he usually does. Well of course he did just a few minutes ago!! and told me he just loves me so much and still wants to talk, and that this hurts him so bad...well I don't know what to do! I just told him 'no, i do not want to be with you', i mean i hate being mean but i have to be firm. and he said so we're done? and I was like yeah, he seriously never thinks its over, but i can't blame him because of all the stuff i said to him. he has to be soooooooo confused because it's like i was 2 people. soo I am hoping he finally gets the picture here!!! but he just sent a text saying...'thanks for crushing me, you always come back to me and im there thanks for everything'....so yeah. I don't know when he will stop the contact, i have told him time and time again...but he won't stop... but seriously a lot of it is my fault because i gave him tons of false hope. should I send one back saying, that i want absolutely no contact at all, or just not say anything back, cuz who knows he might call again! anyway this is just crazy, please help...

You did absolutely the right thing. You need to be firm in order for him to get the message. If you have to answer the phone at work, hang up as soon as you hear his voice. I know it sounds mean, but it's being cruel to be kind. He needs to move on.
If you have not clearly told him you do not want any contact, then you should tell him that ONCE (whether by text or phone or whatever) and then block him from contacting you by whatever means possible (I can block people from texting me on my phone, for example).
You might even send an email apologizing for leading him on and telling him that you understand why he might not believe you given your past behavior, but that this time you are serious about ending things and that it's best for both of you if you don't have any further contact.
Sheri
Okay, I texted him telling him i wanted no contact, but then he just kept sending stupid ones so I was like he is never gonna get the hint. i told him i wasn't coming back and he said 'oh yeah we'll see', so i was like i am just gonna call and lay down the line. well he answered and was like 'what do you want' and that he hopes a guy rips my heart out and that i get hurt. i know he doesn't mean that stuff so i just ignored and i was like you are just mad and you are gonna call me and apologize, and i don't want you to, i just want no contact! i mean i was firm and said it is over and i am not coming back and he just kept going on and on, then he finally said 'i never wanna see your face again, i am deleting your number, blah blah and ended it with f*** you' so that is just wooonderful, i hate this.
i guess i should of expected resentment from him, i mean after all i did hurt him and played with his heart. but honestly i am almost just like happy in a way cuz hopefully he won't contact me, cuz i know that is for the best. i just hope that with time, things will smooth over and he will be able to forgive, and i hope he finds someone to be crazy about again that will love him back...
Ugh, I'm sorry he did that, but not surprised...he sounds very immature!
Have you blocked him from contacting you in all ways that you can do so? And if he contacts you again from a method you are unable to block (and I would be very surprised if he doesn't, despite what he said), you need to NOT answer or respond (or hang up right away, if he calls you at work).
Sheri