Just happened... so crushed
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| Sat, 01-14-2006 - 1:28am |
So this is it. Two years and two months, we just broke up like an hour ago. I knew it was coming, with all his silences and not replying to my remarks. I had my doubts about the relationship for the last couple of months. Actually, if I want to tell the story straight, we moved in together in July...
Then I quit my job because I was burning out (with his benediction) in September. I was off for 2 months, with unemployment thank God!, looking for a better job. I found a great position with benefits and a very good salary. He then admitted he was more than happy that I was going back to work since he couldn't stand me staying home doing nothing but being a couch potatoe, that he was amazed by how lazy I was, that I should have clean the house, make diner and do the laundry everyday since I was off (which I didn't do most days because I was a bit depressed by not knowing where my career/life was going). He also said I no longer had the great body I used to have, that I had put on some pounds (5 in total, to bring me to 107lbs!!!). This was hard to take. It had some truth in it, but still, why hit somebody who's down? I started having doubts then about his support and love towards me. Anyway, I started to work and things got better, though our sex life was barely existant (once every 10 days). Then the Holidays came with the stress, travelling, family pressure that comes with it. We were fine, not great, but okay. Still no sex. Since January started, I was working hard, pretending not to notice his lack of interest. I tried to make things better by hugging, kissing, asking to do stuff together, but he was not really into it, just tolerating it. I felt like running away many times, wishing we still had separate appartments. I've been feeling miserable for the past week, just knowing something was up and really wrong.
So tonight, I decided to talk to him about it. I knew everything before he said it. That he loves me in a friendly way now, thinks I'm great and wishes me the best, but doesn't see us making it really far. That he doesn't want me to lose time anymore with him, as he doesn't want to lose his time with me. I'll be 30 in 2 months and he'll be 34 this year, so time is more and more an issue, especially for me who would like to have kids. Even though I knew it, it still hurts so bad. I feel like I'm going to wake up from this eventually, that this is some kind of nightmare.
Now we have to figure out who keeps the appartment, which is a bit too expensive to my taste but on the other hand, I'd rather stay than move all my appliances (I have all of them!). Then we'll have to wonder about who's keeping what and I'll have to buy a bed and a bunch of things.
I'm just crying right now. What a mess! Why is life so complicated?!
Thanks for reading me.
Annie

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Now, I'm writing about the experience for Glamour Magazine. Jennifer Aniston's movie The Break Up will debut in June, and it's about her and Vince Vaughn breaking up, then each refusing to move out of the condo they shared. We're doing the feature to coincide with the release since it happens to so many people (my best friend just broke up with her bf two weeks ago, and has to stay in the same apartment until June with her ex. Ugh. So it's a relevant issue.)
Anyway, I'd love to include your story, and find out how you're doing with all this, and include your thoughts on staying sane through the situation, and what your plan of action is.
Let me know.
zoe.courtman@gmail.com
hi annie, i know this post might be a little late, but i wanted to respond anyways. i went through the same thing. breaking up is hard enough, but when you live together, it makes it even more difficult. i've been there. i was with my ex for 4 years and we lived together for 2. although i was the one who initiated the break up because i was confused and going through my own stuff...it still hurt like crazy. he was a wonderful man, and loved and respected me, and i couldn't understand why i was feeling or not feeling certain things anymore...now that i look back, i believe i still loved him, and that it was probably normal what i was feeling and going through..anyways, we had to live together for a month after we broke up...and it was sooooooooooo difficult, i still have flash backs of that time, and it still brings tears to my eyes sometimes...i too, still to this day 1.5 years after the break up still miss the life we had together...it may sound bad, but reality is, life is so much easier when you're living with your partner, and ofcourse you get comfortable and used to it...and it's sooooooooooooo hard to go back, and find yourself and your independance again...one of the hardest things i've ever had to go through in my 29 years of living...but you know what? IT IS POSSIBLE with a lot of hard work. reading your post brought tears to my eyes, because it really just feels like yesterday that i was experiencing what you are, and it was like reading my own post. even though it seems logic or the right thing to do, to break up when both or one person in the relationship has grown out of it...it still hurts because we are human, and it's perfectly noraml to miss even the material things like the apt..etc. i still miss the apt my ex and i had together..i loved it, and i too loved coming home to someone everyday, going to bed with someone, having someone to talk to ALL THE TIME, and just hanging out and laughing together..i can't tell you forsure why this is happening or showing up in your world/life, that's your challenge, and your lesson you must learn...no one can do it for you...i do believe it is happening for a reason though..and it sucks, i know. sometimes i still ask God and wonder why this had to happen, and for the most part, i kind of have it figured out, but sometimes i just get overwhelmed my pain/frustration that i wish nothing had changed between my ex and i...like why did i start feeling or not feeling certain things? why did i have to be confused...why this why that? why couldn't things just stay the way they were way i had no doubt in my mind that i truely loved this man...and we were so happy, but this is all apart of the journey. it's ironic though..and kind of scarey to me about relationships and love...i remember times where i'd have dreams/nightmares that my ex and i broke up(this is when we were still together), and i'd wake up in tears because it felt so real, and it hurt so much thinking that we were no longer..but then i'd wake up and see him beside me and i'd feel better, other times when i'd hear of other couples we knew breaking up...i'd feel really sad and i'd say, thank God it's not us...but now, i'm living that nightmare, and when i wake up, he's not there beside me, and it's for real this time..and i was ultimately the cause of it...wierd isn't it? i know i didn't offer any solid advice, but i want you to know you're not alone, and it will be soooooooooo hard to get through this, but YOU WILL.
by the way, you should be really proud of yourself because you could have stayed quiet and not mentioned anything you were feeling to your bf/ex...just to keep the peace and maybe the relationship, but you didn't because you knew something didn't feel right inside...and that takes a lot of guts and courage.
take care, and please keep me posted.
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