Just my way of dealing with things

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Just my way of dealing with things
1
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 9:52am

I have posted a few times here about my recent breakup last month. Im still trying here, and each day is easier but there are still a few things that still get to me...

My ex and I still maintain contact pretty regularly, some days its a good thing others its bad. He really wants us to be able to be friends, which i like, but its also not exactly what i want. Its hard to go from seriously dating to just being friends, so i decided to take a few days off from him, not talking or iming or anything--and it was good for that little time off, but i missed him terribly and really wanted to talk to him. I realized a lot of that needing to talk stemmed from the fact that there is another girl sorta in the picture...his old ex that i have been dealing with since april...grr. The two of them are best friends as well, except she still loves him and i know he does too even though he has said to me numerous times that he does not want to get back with her, they are not getting back together, etc...so that made me feel better, but its still tough to see her have stuff up about how much she loves him. i think that is quite weird to be honest considering they broke up about a year ago, even though they dated for about a year and a half, and were each others first loves. Really what makes me angry is the fact that she will not let him move on, no matter if he is with me or with someone else, she will always be in the picture butting in. I dont see that as being fair. I am angry at her as well as at him bc he seems to want to be the nice guy and not lay down the rules.

Well this past week the ex and i were hanging out and i got rather mad at him bc he made a mistake and called me by his ex's name...we do have the same name which i know can be really tough, but he called me by her middle name...and for some reason, i just got really fired up about it. It really hurt me, and thats when I really realized that he was not over her, even though he does not want to be with her---does that make sense? I truely love him very much and would love to be with him one day- even though i do not see that happening anytime soon. I am not expecting him and i to get back together either in the near future, but it still hurts to think about him talking to her and all that. I really fell hard for him and I hate the fact that he has such control over me.

I also have issues concerning trust with guys. I have had many break my heart by cheating and lying to me. He knows that very much, and thats why I just want him to be honest with me about her, instead of "sneaking" around in my mind. After my little scuffle with him the other day about the name mistake, I made the assumption to him that he and his ex were back together again...and he got very mad at me for making that assumption. That was when he told me that they are not together, not dating, not getting back togther...etc. I know how bad she wants that, and i know i want to be with him just as badly, so when i see stuff on her profile about her loving him and all that, its hard to breathe there bc i cant help but wonder if he is lying to me, or if she really is just a crazy a** ex.

Just a side note--there is somewhat of a new guy in my life. He is sweet and charming and i want to like him so much, but i am still not over my ex. Its hard sometimes bc i am with this guy hanging out, I cant help but be sadden that its not my ex:( I miss him so much...and another side note---the crazy ex is supposively as told to me by the ex, to have another guy...but it sure doesnt seem to act that way or behave...i feel bad for that guy for having to go through the same thing as i am.

I want to be able to just talk to him and not care whether or not he is talking to his ex. But i also want to be held in such high regard as he thinks of her or at least in my mind he does. She has him wrapped around her finger, even though she treats him like crap and he knows it. I just wish there was a way for me to come out on top, not care about her as much, and make him see that I am not her, and better than she could ever be...

Thanks for letting me vent. If anyone wishes to comment on all this, that would be awesome, if not...im glad i was able to get that off my mind. Thank you all for all your continuos, loving support

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 1:43pm

Hi dance, love the name :) Honestly though, why are you trying to compare or come out on top as the "better" ex???? Wanting to be friends is a pleasant gesture in theory but rarely works in real life. Not so soon after a breakup at least. You seem to be so caught up in this first ex and her business and if he's talking to that ex that you must have forgotten first and formost IT"S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. It's not for you to worry about anymore because you are an ex as well. I hate to sound harsh but all your heartache and worry is not needed. I would suggest dropping this guy and his "ex" baggage and focus your energy into your own life (W/O him in it) and begin to heal from your heartbreak.
Having a rebound relationship is completely understandable and nice for an ego boost and affection but warn this fella if you haven't already that you are still vulnerable, and be careful. Again I really don't think staying so close to this ex is going to help you move on at all. If you are really jealous of who he's dating or not dating or who he chooses as freinds, than what kind of friend are you being to him?

JMHO
Gracie