Just so lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Just so lonely
12
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:47am
I know I am new to this board and I don't want to become annoying but I just don't know where else to turn. I am so miserable and lonely and depressed. I miss him so much that I can't breathe. I want him back but I don't know how to do it. I have no idea if he is even receptive since I haven't heard from him at all - no contact - since he broke up with me a month ago. I seem to be stuck and not able to even make a bit of progress. It's two steps forward and ten steps back. I am making myself crazy and I just want peace, just one moment of peace. I know I should keep myself busy and go out but I just don't feel like being socialable. I don't want a new bf, I want him back.

I am sorry if this is rambling or doesn't make much sense. I just need to rant and rave a bit so that I can get some of these feelings out. Thank you for listening.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 11:52am
Hi, your not annoying! I feel the same, that I am still whining over my broken heart and everyone must be tired of it. I even am tired of being so sad. I was wallowing and harboring the notion that things might eventually work out if I was just patient, but my ex just informed me he is seeing someone new now. No need for details I guess on what happened, my only direction it seems is to move on.... and well that seems to be nearly impossible these days. Believe me, you are not alone, I actually couldn't think of a reason to get up this morning (sounds pretty harsh) but why do we let ourselves love so deeply that we are practically destroyed in the end? But the sun was shining and I knew that it all must be for a reason, and one day, maybe not today, but I will love again.

It might be good to have a small talk with him, to see if he has moved on? And it will kind of end the longing feeling that you've had zero contact, and you can begin healing.... or he will have missed you too, and you will know how you feel at that time whether to make ammends. I might get yelled at for giving that advise, but when I called my ex and he said he had moved on, it was eye opening and it gave me nothing to hold on to. (However excrutiatingly sad, at least he was honest) Hope for the best for you

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 1:49pm
I'm lonely too..what a difference 24 hours make, yesterday I could haven taken on the world and today i hardly realise I'm in it. I was out this afternoon watching a show with my daughter and just burst into tears..you all know the feelings tightening of the stomach, that feeling of complete bewilderment and then BAM...

It's 1 week today (I'm new here also) and perhaps that's the problem..I was dreading this day..I want to call him..No I NEED to call him..I can't believe he just doesn't think or care about me/us anymore.

Why hasn't he called to see how my daughter is doing? She just came out of hospital after a major accident and operation when he dumped me. His weak excuses for leaving me/us are making me angrier and angerier everytime I think of them. you know them all "It's not you its me" "I'm not strong enough for you" and "I love you but I don't love you enough.

I know how you are feeling and it's awful..I wish I had some wise words to help but I am struggling with it all myself. All I can say is that tomorrow is another day and yes it maybe 10 steps forward 8 back but we are still making progress.

Take care x

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 2:01pm
You know, I'm having a hard time with all the happy couples coming out of the woodwork now that the sun is shining. It's like a punch to the stomach when I see them. I'm reasonably happy, successful, my life isn't a dark awful hole of longing and hurt the way it was a couple of months ago, but I'm still just struck down by the desire to be walking in the spring air holding my guy's hand. Ugh, it sucks and it hurts. Good luck to us all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 2:46pm
For all the lonely and unhappy women who read this--who I know are going through the exact same thing I am going through--my best advice comes to me every morning in this poem I keep next to my bed. (Maybe this will give you the reason to get up!):

After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren't contracts and

presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of a woman

not the grief of a child

and you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is

too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way

of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting

for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

that you really are strong

and you really do have worth

and you learn and you learn

with every goodbye you learn.

I know it is such a sad time right now. Being lonely is the worst, finding out your ex has moved on is even worse than that, but find hope (like I am trying so hard to) that these days will not last. Get up in the morning, put your makeup on, go to work, get to the gym. It's so hard at first, but these first steps are so crucial. Cry if you need to, but know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I'm there and everyone reading this is probably there too. I'm thinking of you!

Ria

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:14pm
I have to fight with myself every day not to call him. I want to know how he is and what he's up to but I am afraid of actually speaking with him. I am not sure I can handle any more disappointments. I am hanging on by a threat and am in such a fragile state that anything can break me. Like almost everyone else in our predicament, I would love to get that call from him telling me how wrong he was and how much he needs me back. I'm not sure it'll help to know if he's moved on, I am deathly afraid it might make things worse for me.

I do wonder why he hasn't contacted me at all. I like to think that it's because he is waiting for me to make the first move. That he doesn't want to hurt me any worse than he already did and that he doesn't want to hear my cry over the phone anymore or he doesn't want to feel the guilt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:17pm
My friend sent me that poem years ago when I was in college. I have it tacked up to my wall at work and read it every so often. It actually inspired me to write one of my own which was born out of all the pain the break up has cauesed me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:30pm
Hi, your right to rethink the calling him part, I was actually tipped off by a so called friend that he spent the weekend w/ someone else and I spent all weekend mad and sad, before I ended up talking to him and him admitting it to me. I was alittle prepared and knew it before hand so I wasn't shocked. (Still incredibly hurt but not shocked) I do and did still hate the wondering and waiting and no contact. And if that is best, it just bites! I do know that time is the answer usually, and it works both ways,

...he might need time to figure things out, and realize that he misses you so much, and that eventually you'll be able to talk with him w/o crying and being so emotional, or, with time you will heal and move on, and meet somebody new and wonderful. Of course you don't want to move on and meet somebody new, but daily, and weekly , and monthly our outlook changes, at least mine does. Even this morning I was so low, and this afternoon I am doing alittle better. Maybe from reading responses and not feeling so alone? I remember crying over the last breakup and how I thought i wasn't going to meet anyone new, and now I'm crying over that new guy....ugggg, but that means soon, I'll be laughing and giggling over somebody else (hopefully , soon would be good)

Know that you gave your all, and being patient will allow you to see brighter days, maybe with him, maybe without, but they are coming!! At least that is what I'm counting on! Keep your head up, I'm cheering for you and all of us!

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 11:45pm
Ria,

thanks for posting that poem. I actually that of that poem the other day, it really puts things into perspective. I, like all of you am right there with you. It has been 2 weeks for me and I feel like it's not getting any better. I know that with each day the pain goes away a little bit, but there is so much pain there its hard to tell the difference. We will all get there. We just gotta get up every morning and go through the motions no matter how hard it is. Sometimes I just force a smile and for a split second i feel good. We gotta keep strong! Just think, we made it through today! <<>> to all of you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 11:47am
I think the advice to find out "if he's moved on" is actually very good. There's nothing worse than false hope. If you know he's over you...you can begin to get over him. Its the sitting around wondering "does he miss me? will we get back together again?" that will hold you back from starting over. If you know he's moved on, you won't feel like you have to hold back on meeting new people (when you are ready). But if you think there is a chance of getting back together, you will never really get over him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 9:59pm
I have decided for now not to contact him. Several of my friends think that because I took the breakup so hard and was so devistated, that he isn't contacting me so as not to hurt me further. My mom thinks that he isn't contacting me because it's over and doesn't want to talk to me every again. I know I am not ready to talk to him in a lucid and upbeat manner. I would probably break down sobbing and make matters for myself worse. What I will do is write many, many letters to him that I have no intentions of mailing and try to sort my feelings out that way. When I am stronger, I will then pick up the phone, brace myself for whatever is going to happen and make that call. Maybe he misses me, maybe he's moved on, maybe he's never given me another thought, whatever it might be, I am just not strong enough to deal with it right now.

In one way I guess I am lucky since we do not have common friends, do not live or work near each other, do not work in the same field, will more than likely not bump into each other anywhere so I don't have to worry about that.

Pages