Just venting... again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Just venting... again.
6
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 10:54am

I am so angry I don’t know what to do! I’m angry with him for acting so nonchalant, and I’m angry with myself for letting it get to me so bad. We have been back and forth with this breakup for months. When he first started acting distant, I tried giving him his space. But when I wouldn’t speak to him, he’d come back to me saying how much he misses me and wanted to work things out, and when I gave in to what “he” wanted and got comfortable with the fact that things may be okay with us, he’d push me away again. Looking back on it now, it must have all been a game to him. So, I finally snapped and broke down, yelling, screaming, and crying that I deserved better than to be tossed away every time he felt he wanted to be to himself and I was sick of him walking all over me. Since that fight, he stopped with his attempts to work things out and when I try talking to him, apologizing for overreacting, he states that I’m too emotional for him and that my temper scares him. The main reason why I’m so hurt by all this is because I’ve always tried to do the right thing to make things work with us. I gave him his space when he needed time to himself, and I was there for him when he needed me to be just because I loved him that much. Now that the shoe is on the other foot and I’m the one asking for another chance, he’s not trying to hear it.

I see that everyone’s main advice here is not to have any contact, but we work in the same building so I have to see him on a daily basis and the fact that he can walk past me and not even acknowledge me kills me. It affects me so bad that I have shut myself off from the world. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, everyone tells me I look like sh*t. I don’t even communicate with my friends or family anymore and my kids are always asking me if I’m sick because I stay in bed all the time. I can hear him talking to his co-workers like he doesn’t have a care in the world, like the past year that we’ve been together never existed. It’s so bad, that I’m ready to quit my job just so I won’t have to see his face. I know “hate” is a strong word, but I hate him with all my heart right now for hurting me so bad! I just can’t begin to understand how someone can claim to love a person so much, but then just throw them away so easily when it’s convenient for them. He has done this to me over and over again and the main reason it’s affecting me so bad now is because he’s not even trying anymore.

I was already under psychiatric care due to being raped a few years back, but now since all of this has been going on, my therapist is referring me to anger management. Hopefully it will help, because I can’t take too much longer of feeling like this. I honestly just want to disappear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 9:05pm

<<<....so I have to see him on a daily basis and the fact that he can walk past me and not even acknowledge me kills me.>>>

Honey, I'm sorry you're passing through difficult times, BUT why in the world would you want to get back together with a man who doesn't respect you?

The above part of your message says TONS about this man's character. He's is laying games with you. He doesn't deserve your tears or even a minute of your thoughts. He's happy and you're angry. See how the game goes? He does stuff to make you feel bad and angry.

By feeling angry you're giving into his sick mind games. He's not worth going to anger management. You have enough in your plate. He lost a good woman, see it from that point of view.

Next time you coss paths with him, you ignore hium. He'll start questioning the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 10:43pm
Thank you for responding. You are right. He is playing mind games and I know this now. And I have been ignoring him, looking the other way when we pass each other at work, but it still hurts. I guess my hang up is that I've messed up so much in the past with relationships, I thought I'd finally get a break this go-round. I started out in my teens being in an abusive relationship, then I married a man that wouldn't work and help take care of our family, then I get raped by a friend of his and have been through years of therapy to feel halfway decent again. I just thought that this time I would finally get it right. This relationship started out so good, and it just stopped. I'm not getting any younger and I'm so afraid that I'm going to end up old, bitter and alone. I do need the anger management because I am so angry at the world right now. I'm even at a point where I fault God or think God is punishing me for something. I hate this feeling and don't know what else to do. I'm sorry. I know I'm rambling, but I have no one else to talk to. I'm sick of hearing, "get over it!" I wish is was that easy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 2:39am

Hi,

I've read your blogs and I am going thru the same thing. Its tough it really is. For me I know that I should move on and I'm better without him thats what I think. But my heart isnt lining up with my head. I just keep wondering why this happened so suddenly...how can someone love you one day and totally disregard you the next?! I am so angry,sad, confused and fed up all at once!!! Still I don't want to end up alone and bitter with 50 cats for company!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 10:57am

I'm glad you will do the anger management because it will help you heal. This man is a jerk who is not worth any of your time. When you see him at work ignore him and hold your head high.

I know how hard this all is for you and it takes a lot to stay strong. It's important that you take care of yourself and stay healthy not just for you but for your kids as well.

Don't worry about being alone, when you take care of yourself and your family things will fall into place.

Stay strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 11:43am

You talk about getting a relationship "right", but you really didn't do anything "wrong" here. The only action you want to rethink here is giving your heart over to someone before you have determined they are worthy of it. You became emotionally involved quickly because this guy seemed so great. Don't blame youself for his actions. They are his actions and have nothing to do with you, they were his choice. Your job is to take back your emotioanl investment here and move on. Limit contact with him as much as possible. Keep your door closed at work, re-arrange the furniture so you can't see him walk by. Do not give this guy any more of your time and energy. If you do see him, do as the other poster suggested walk by with your head held high. You did not mess this up! You are worth way more than this and you deserve to be treated better.

Good luck and hugs,
YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 2:10pm

Hi Sprungand hateit,

Sister I'm am there with you,totally understand more than you think.

I wish they sold a pill we can take and with-in 24 hours forget about our ex-boyfriends, don’t give a damn about them, “oh he’s dead” I’m sorry to hear but I don’t really care. And we can all move on with our lives and not have a care about them in the world.

The old saying time heals all wounds, yeah, yeah, I know, I know, it embedded in my brain, I am sick of hearing it to.

I just broke-up with my boyfriend 4 days ago, I’m dying to call him, but I have to find the strength not to for my own dignity. I feel like a drug-addict who is having withdrawal symptoms, can’t eat, sleep, can’t work and I have my own business, and constantly thinking about nothing but his sad ass. Went to my doctor yesterday got a higher dose of antidepressants and Ambien a sleeping pill so I don’t get up middle of the night and think of him, and xanax to relax me, because I have a knot in my stomach the size of mexico.

F__K our ex-boyfriends let them think we are up to and doing and going out.

This Saturday, I bought a great book you should get it to called
“It’s Called a Break-Up because it’s broken” by Greg Behrendt. It has really helped me so much and I promise with all my heart and soul it will help you. There is a chapter on “NOT CALLING HIM” which that part helped me soooo much. Say’s if you call him, you will delay getting over him, lose your power and take longer to get over him.

Today and the last 4 days feel like it’s been 4 months if I can’t get through this week without calling him, I will feel like superwoman.
I would love support and feedback from you great women, I do not want to call my friends and hear I been telling you he is a jerk.

Paris888