Just want to runaway, what do u think?
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Just want to runaway, what do u think?
| Sat, 07-29-2006 - 2:30am |
Hi all!
so frazzled with 3 teenage skids and 2 of my own.
Does anyone else have fantasies/dreams of running away and never looking back?
I live in SF bay area of california and have dreams of running away to NYC Manhattan. I am 37 y/o and my son is 17 and will graduate from HS next year. My dd lives with her dad and is moving out of state in a few weeks to Oregon. so sad.
My teenage skids are constant trouble and turmoile. I am a nurse so I can support myself and son easily anywhere. I guess the whole sex and the city fantasy life sounds like so much fun. I have never my adult life been single except for a couple of weeks. What a mistake that was jumping from one marriage to the next. I do love my husband most of the time I think, but I am constantly having the urge to go out with girlfriends, though I rarely do. I just got back from Lake Tahoe with my dd and my mom and I can honestly say I did not miss home one bit. The only time I got the urge to call my dh was when I got into a car accident/fender bender on the way home..Horrible end to a restful vacation.
The main problem in my relationship is that my husband has never really disciplined his kids. His oldest is now almost 19 and graduated from HS (miracle) and has never held a job and doesnt want to either. He cant even pass his drivers license test yet he thinks he is going to college, that is his excuse anyway for not working. His youngest son is a THIEF and liar..constantly taking and stealing from my son who actually works, the only one out of all of them!! My dh does nothing about it!! I told my son to kick his butt next time he does it and told my dh this too and boy did that cause a huge fight!! I am just so sick of what I have to put up with and also my son too...Not fair or right!!
so frazzled with 3 teenage skids and 2 of my own.
Does anyone else have fantasies/dreams of running away and never looking back?
I live in SF bay area of california and have dreams of running away to NYC Manhattan. I am 37 y/o and my son is 17 and will graduate from HS next year. My dd lives with her dad and is moving out of state in a few weeks to Oregon. so sad.
My teenage skids are constant trouble and turmoile. I am a nurse so I can support myself and son easily anywhere. I guess the whole sex and the city fantasy life sounds like so much fun. I have never my adult life been single except for a couple of weeks. What a mistake that was jumping from one marriage to the next. I do love my husband most of the time I think, but I am constantly having the urge to go out with girlfriends, though I rarely do. I just got back from Lake Tahoe with my dd and my mom and I can honestly say I did not miss home one bit. The only time I got the urge to call my dh was when I got into a car accident/fender bender on the way home..Horrible end to a restful vacation.
The main problem in my relationship is that my husband has never really disciplined his kids. His oldest is now almost 19 and graduated from HS (miracle) and has never held a job and doesnt want to either. He cant even pass his drivers license test yet he thinks he is going to college, that is his excuse anyway for not working. His youngest son is a THIEF and liar..constantly taking and stealing from my son who actually works, the only one out of all of them!! My dh does nothing about it!! I told my son to kick his butt next time he does it and told my dh this too and boy did that cause a huge fight!! I am just so sick of what I have to put up with and also my son too...Not fair or right!!

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A quick rundown of my life:
41
married 20 loooooooonnnnnnnnnng year
3 kids age 18, 16 and 13.
Both my boys 18 and 16 got in trouble for car vandalism last year. This cost me 20 grand in legal bills to keep there ungrateful butts out of jail, probation, restitution etc.
The 18 year old barely graduated and washes cars for a living. No hope of him moving out.
The 16 an 13 year old do okay in school but fight constantly.
I owned a business that didn't do well and caused us to file total Chapter 7 bankruptcy.
We are being forced to sell our house due to this and no one is buying. If we don't sell soon then they will foreclose on us leaving us with no money to start anew anywhere.
Husband took large paycut at his job due to bad times at Ford Motor. We are in Michigan so cars rule here.
Unhappily married. While my husband is a good provider, we have little connection. Sex is a bore, we have nothing to talk about, we are on different paths in life etc. I am like you. I want to go out and have some fun but he just gets upset if I even go for coffee with my girlfriends. He is 50 and I am 41. He likes to sit home and watch cartoons.
Yes........cartoons. Pokemon, Sky Surfers, Winks Club etc. That is ALL he watches..........hence the reason for little conversation. I feel like I am living a life that is "unauthentic" I really want to live in the mountains and just packup what we have and start over somewhere else. He like the "security" of being here and although he talks about wanting to move........there is always some roadblock as to why we can't. I find myself very frustrated by him. depressed etc.
So I understand you wanting to run away. I have told my girlfriends that I would like to divorce and give him custody of the kids so I can go do my thing. Of course, I would never give him custody.........but I do fantasize about it. For most of our marriage I have taken care of everyone and I just am at that point that I want someone who will take care of me. I want someone else to worry about the bills, kids, homework, driving to sports functions etc. Whenever there is a problem in life he looks at me and says "What are we gonna do" I feel like screaming "I don't f'ing know........YOU figure it out"
Just yesterday I was thinking that I want to take 30 days to myself and go to Colorado and simply just exist. Then I remembered that first off I can't even afford the flight out there. But then, as us mothers typically do......I felt guilty for wanting to take 30 days out of MY life to nourish my soul.
How wrong is that? Why do we live with so much guilt? Men seem to work veg out in front of the t.v. and not give a crap so why should I?
I wish things were better for you cuz I know how much stress those kids can put in your life.
Hang in there!
Honestly..... I feel for both of you. I am the youngest child out of six. My parents have been together for about 35 years. It's crazy when I think of what my mother has been through and is still going through. Like having a cheating husband & having to sell their house because it had been B and E'd by my own brother. But honestly whatever you do DONT GIVE UP.... for the SAKE of the people around you and YOUR CHILDREN.
I heard that my own mother at one point was thinking exactly like you wanting to move out to her sisters and get away from all the chaos. I was never so devastated & stressed out until I heard that. It was not a good thing for a child to hear. It will leave them depressed. It has been six years since I first heard that. My mother is the same person caring for everyone & everything around her. She spent her whole life pleasing other people but I honestly think everyday what if she leaves now? What if I wake up & shes not there? It is the worst feeling in the world. PLEASE STICK IT OUT & TALK COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY
About the children,I would love to tell you that the problems you are facing with your children or step children are just teen issues and they will grow out of it like I did, but I cant. I have watched my own brother go down deeper and deeper everyday until hes now on "skid row" If it werent for my mother & her strength to stick around & "deal with it" I don't know where I would be today. For even though I never told her or expressed it to her for years she was always & will forever be my role model and the mother I hope to one day be
(Hope this gives you a view from the other side)
XoXo
I am 41 and he is almost 51. He looks older then 51 and people guess me for mid 30's. I workout alot and dress younger so I get alot of male attention. He HATES that.
I know what you mean about priorities. Whenever anything bad happens in our life
he always tells me to figure it out, as he goes and sits in front of the t.v. and watches cartoons. He does everything for work. Despite his pay being cut by his boss due to hard economic times, he still bends over backwards for him. Granted, I am all for him keeping his job........but I keep telling him he needs to start looking elsewhere too. But he won't. He is afraid of any kind of change and I am just ready to bust out of my shell. Tonight while walking our dog he said "so tell me what kind of job you really want and what you want to do in life" I was thinking to myself that that is a conversation he doesn't really want to have. He would have no idea what hit him. We don't communicate well at all. If I tell him how I really feel all he does is get mad at me. Our 20th anniversary is next week and I was telling my sister today that its all so pitiful to be married to someone for 20 years and you can't even have an open honest conversation with them. She is in the middle of a divorce after 20 years also so she totally understands. Its good to have someone in this with you!
You make 120k? What do you do? I would love to get divorced but I make nothing at the moment. Its a really long story but I used to own my own biz that went bankrupt so we are in a hugely bad financial position right now. WIthout the money, I can't leave.
I have had 2 affairs.........I am still in the 2nd one right now. Even though its obviously a physical thing.......my main attraction is emotional. This guy is someone who I can really talk to, open up to, he is supportive, funny, interesting etc.
If you want to email privately, my email is heidifromscratch@aol.com and I can tell you the whole long business/life saga!! Life is such a mess. We are married 20 years next week and I never thought things would be like this at this stage in my life!!
Before all this stuff started happening in your life, did you consider divorce or is this relatively new? I have wanted out for years and should of left a few years ago when money wasn't a problem.
Its going to be 110 with the heat index here today. I hate this!
Finally cooled down here, San Francisco area. about mid 80's thank god!!
My grandmother (if you can call her that) ran out on my mother. Literally got up for work one day and never came home. Leaving my mother with her stepfather and her siblings. It has affected my mother for years. There are other things you can do other than run away......let people in your life know why you are doing it so they dont take it upon themselves to accept the blame. I think its normal to feel the urge to have something different, we all do at some time...myself included. Just make sure the people you have committed to know its not because of them.
And if its the Sex and the City your lookin for youll need a good shoe collection! jk
My husband was a cocaine/alcoholic for the first 8 years of our marriage.
I had no idea about the drugs until my girlfriend alerted me. I never used drugs, don't smoke etc so I was totally unaware that all his behaviors were drug related. I just thought he had some issues and that I would be his saviour. We dated 3 months and got engaged and married 8 months later. WAY to soon.
I used to own a meal prep business. One of those places where you come in and make 12 meals in 2 hours. Don't know if you have seen them on the west coast yet. Anyway, I was the one making the money and supporting us for many years.
Just like you, when I told him last march of 2005 I wanted a divorce he begged, cried, pleaded with me to stay. I started getting roses everyday, tons of attentnion etc.
Of course that has all fallen by the wayside a long time ago.
I do want to divorce. Just need to secure myself financially again.
Its all so exhausting some days to deal with it all though.
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