Just want to vent...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2003
Just want to vent...
3
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 7:04pm

It's helping to know that I'm not alone in the way that I'm feeling. I live in small town in NC where it's easy to feel alone. My break up just happened on Saturday, with a guy I dated for about a year, he's 29, I'm 22. I'll do my best to keep this short, but I can't guarantee! I'm in the military right now and I get out in 2 months. Our problems began when I told him that I was pretty sure I was going to move from NC to Florida to go to school in June and asked him if he would come with me, he has only lived here for 2 years and isn't ready to move again. I think he was upset because he assumed I would stay here after I got out, he's told me numerous times how much he thinks it sucks that I want to leave. But yet when I asked him if I stayed here for another year would he be ready to move with me, and he said that he doesn't like to think that far ahead. So anyway, ever since that initial conversation, he progressively seemed like he was pushing me away, but neither of us wanted to break up. We started fighting (we hardly ever even used to argue) a lot, things just started being weird. The breaking point was this past weekend when we had our final fight and I left his house and went home at 1:00 in the morning.

I sometimes wish that maybe if I hadn't made the decision to move to start school,that we would be fine. I know that some of you may think the solution could have been to go to a closer college, but the closest one to me that has the degree I want is in central NC and it's like 6 hours away.
I have never been this torn up about any guy before and I have had 2 serious relationships before this. The thing with us is that there has always been a spark between us, something that I never had with anyone else. We have amazing sex, we laugh and goof off together, we always have fun together whether we're watching TV or out at a bar.
I know I shouldn't have, but I went to talk to him today and we had a long talk, he told me that he misses me too but that we just need time apart right now. I told him I don't have time anymore because I'm moving in 2 months. I am almost reconsidering staying here and not moving, but what if we can't fix all that's already happened? I'm scared to move and for this to be over for good, I know that everyone moves on after a break up, but I just don't want to.I appreciate any input & advice, I can't really talk to anybody here where I live because we all have the same circle of friends. Thank you..

-Carina



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 9:26am
You are 22 years old and he's 29. That doesn't sound like a huge gap, but it is. You are young enough to start over and move on. When you reach 29, I speak for myself because I am, it's harder to pick up and move on. I just want you to know that I heard you. I really don't know exactly what sort of advice to offer, but I do feel you. I moved to Missouri from California to be with my husband. I hated it here. And now because I have 2 kids and he's left, I am literally stuck here. It was a huge mistake for me. But I'm adapting and maybe some day i can pick up and go, of course custody will be a huge fight. Don't give up your education or opportunities for a guy. That sounds horrible, but you always here about women making the sacrifice. When do you hear of the guys making them? None that I've heard. Oh well. That was male bashing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 8:02pm

I'm not sure this will help, but I recently panicked when my boyfriend (now ex) and I started talking about relocating.

Unfortunately, that panic led to the realization that, despite the love I felt for him, I had other priorities in my life at the time. I couldn't love him enough, and I wanted him to feel free to pursue his own goals/dreams/career/what-not. Besides, he deserved someone who could love him enough to make that kind of commitment.

And so do you. You deserve someone willing to support your goals, whether that be career or education or whatever, and it sounds like your ex couldn't do that. If your education is important to you (and, based on the way you've talked, I imagine it is), make that your first priority. But you have to respect the fact that he's already made his decision; to him, your relationship is not a priority, not even a point to compromise on. You deserve someone who will do that for you, too.

In his defense (ok, really, in my own defense, but you can apply it to him too), at least he was honest. And before it was too late.
~S

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 9:21pm
I think it's great that you want to go back to school and I don't think anybody should keep you from reaching your goals...including a guy.
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