Just when I thought everything was okay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Just when I thought everything was okay.
1
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 4:43am
Well we work together, not sure if I had said that before but he works from home though so I was never worried about seeing him or anything, they decided that they would make him work on site at work because he wasn't performing so well, everything was okay for the first day or so, we just worked and talked ocasionally, I was starting to be okay with the fact that we would always just be friends, the next day he was complaining about his cell phone not showing my name whenever I would send him a text message (I know I know bad thing to do but its working out just fine) so I was like okay let me see the phone, cause that phone was mine previously and I had let him borrow it so he would have one, anyway he was like no! I'm like uh why? just let me see it, he would act like he was gonna hand it over to me then he would just put it away..totally immature! I'm like what are we 3? he just stayed quiet and put it in his pocket, I mean why would he complain about it if he didn't want me to fix it for one? I totally thought he was hiding somethin and it was obvious by the way he didnt want me to see anything with his phone. Well today he finally let me see his phone, right before he had deleted all his text messages out of his phone so I KNEW there was something he was hiding, well while I was fixing it he gets a text message from a girl named Jen, he was on a phone call at the time so I gave him a look..and he was trying to avoid me! He gets off the phone and I'm like so whos jen? hes like uh..uh uh... he wouldn't really say anything, I'm like were u cheating on me? did u meet her while we were together? are u together already? did u sleep with her? did u kiss her? blahblahblah..I was freaking out! well he finally told me that he had met her off the internet a long time ago but had stopped talking, I guess one day she was on so he decided to message her and they met..and supposedly shes like "his twin" he's been doing things with her for about a week now, they havent kissed or anything just dating, and he tries to do all these romantic things with her he NEVER would do with me, I feel like I'm just a test, like he can make all these mistakes with me and then perfect himself so that he makes himself better for some other girl, hes trying to change all the things he did wrong with me so that he never makes those mistakes again, it really hurts and now I'm right back where I started, bawling my eyes out! He says he wanted to tell me about her but he didnt want to tel me until I was over him! I was starting to actually feel okay about the whole thing and then this happens.. I talked to her on the phone while I was over at his house talking to him, she does seem like a really nice girl and is okay with the fact that I'm close to him, I just dont want any unneccesary(sp?) drama! I know that he's not right for me because he wants completely different things than what I want but I just cant help thinking what if I changed this what if he changed this? what if he realizes that nobody will treat him better than I will? or maybe he will come back to me someday? he put it to me like this..he's not just gonna wait..hes not just gonna pass up an opportunity because I'm hurting, he wants me to find someone, but I think thats the last thing that I want..AHHH I'm driving myself crazy here with everything thats running through my brain, somebody make it stop!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 11:20am

I was recently there myself, and still am! My ex and I broke our engagement...it took him 6 1/2 years to propose. We realized that it just would never work because we had nothing in common other than the love we shared. Then he meets this new girl...she is nice from what I can tell...but he starts telling me how he's taking her to the theater...and a nice restaraunt i always wanted to go to....and all these things he's romantically planning for her and he never gave a squat about planning anything for me! He even asked me if i thought he should take her flowers. OUCH! So i know right where you're coming from. While him and I were still trying to be friends, I couldn't help but compare all the wonderful things he's doing for her that he knew I always wanted to do. And I too wondered why her and not me? Then I came to realize that he was never in love with me the way i was with him. I loved doing things for him, but he could've cared less about me. The thing I'm most angry about is wasting 7 years of my life waiting for these wonderful things that he was able to give her in just a month. And the kicker? He called me to tell me that they are getting married next saturday. in just one month after he met her. That hurt wayyyy too much!

I am starting to realize that absolutely NO CONTACT is what is necessary for me right now to heal. And it's terrible that you have to work with this guy...because then no contact isn't an option. I wish I knew what to tell you, but of anything...be businesslike with him, but not friendly.

I tried so hard to remain friends with my ex, but it was too hard not to jump all over him everytime he told me he was doing something sweet for her. I can't even count the amount of times i said, "i always wanted to do that and you never took me there". It's terrible to compare!! I learned that way too late.

So my advice to you, if you can get a new job, do it, although i'm sure that's not a feasible option. Next, just stop being his friend. Instead, just stick to being his fellow employee. And don't ask what he's doing with this new girl...because i promise you, it'll only hurt 100 times more to hear it.

Take care and keep posting...it will make you feel better!

~jen