Just when things were looking up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Just when things were looking up...
2
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 12:50am
Where to begin...3 weeks ago, my fiance and I broke up. That Saturday morning we had gone to look at reception halls and upon our return home, he dropped the bomb. Everything really seemed great before this point. But as I was getting ready to make us some food, he came up to me and just hugged me...and held me. He was shaking and when I asked him what was wrong all he could say was, "I can't do this." I was shocked then devastated. (We had been together for 3 years and have lived together for 2. He is 26 and I am 25.) When I asked him why, he told me that he felt like he and his "band" (that has never played live and consists of his brother, 19, and his brother's friends, all 19 also,) were getting good enough to play venues in the next year and that if he met girls backstage (grouppies) that he didn't know if he could resist temptation. He then proceeded to tell me that he had always imagined himself with a woman with bigger breasts. I was crushed and I felt like someone was ripping my insides out.

I realize now that someone who truly loves me would love me regardless of my anatomy...or should I say the size of my assets. The past 3 weeks have been amazingly painful and eye-opening, but I feel like things get better a little every day. Somedays are worse than others, but overall I am just taking things in stride. Anyway, to get to my point of beginning this dicussion, I was doing great this past week. I felt good and had very few down times. This past weekend, a few of my girlfriends took me out on Friday and we had a lovely dinner and went to a local bar afterwards. We had a little to drink and we were having a great time. Then, as we were heading out, someone grabbed my arm...his sister. I just stood there...I couldn't think of anything to say. She had called me the day before my ex and I went to go look at reception halls (the day before we broke up) and was so excited. All I can really remember her saying is that I looked great. All I can remeber saying is that I really had to go, because I could feel that overwhelming saddness arising within me. Then she hugged me and told me how much she and her family missed me...that's when I lost it. If you can picture it I was the idiot girl bawling at a very crowded bar repeatedly saying, "I have got to get outta here."

The next day, I awoke with that feeling again, only this time I felt like such a fool. Why couldn't I be strong and not let her see that I was still devastated! I keep picturing that moment in my mind and being so mad at myself. I can't deal with the idea that now she has probably told him about my reaction and it doesn't settle well with me to think that my saddness will give him any kind of satisfaction. I have just been so busy preparing myself for if I were to see him out or worse yet him with another woman. I didn't even think about the possibility that I would run into his family. I miss his family so much. I miss our pets. AHHHHHHHH!!! I hate that this has made me feel like I have just taken 10 steps back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 1:07am
Rain,

I'm sorry you're feeling so sad right now and that you had to bump into his sister. Don't be so hard on yourself. There's no need to feel like a fool. It is understandable that you would react so strongly. He seems really immature, having heard the reasons he gave you for breaking up. You will get through this. Hopefully you have people to be around. I know that I initially had trouble being alone. It's been 2 1/2 mos for me and I've only been able to be alone recently, but I try not to be too hard on myself. Posting definitely helps. Take care and have good evening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 1:55am
Rain,

I understand how those small little things can set you back. My ex and I did the final, final break-up with no hopes of being friend and no-contact recently and it has been the WORST! I have always been so strong, but this week was horrible. However, it seemed to be getting better day by day. And then... he called this morning. So, yes, I was kind of excited to hear from him, but it was the dumbest conversation in the world... he didn't clear things up and he was not even that nice. We ended the conversation even more upset. Then he called back and said something like "I will always love and care for you, but I don't want to talk to you again." So now I had to start my healing process all over again!

All I can hope is that it gets better.