Kinda confused upon what I should do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2011
Kinda confused upon what I should do.
5
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 12:54am
It's been a couple of days since my boyfriend and I broke up because of cheating. I said Im done with him and don't care about him anymore. Then one day he calls askin me question about me still loving him and what will happen in future. I wanted to hang up but also hear what he had to say . He said that " I really miss u and everything reminds me of u....etc." me and him both knew I was never going to come back so he asked if we could be friends.. I knew I couldn't because deep down I still had feelings that need to go away but at the same time I love him with me. I told him that he can't have both of us so it's either me or her . He said he understood and left it at that.
Was it wrong for me to make him choose or should I just become his friend?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 5:32am
What's wrong with this situation is that after he cheated, you are still giving him power over you. You're broken up for a reason, and this whole ploy to be friends is to ease his guilt, and to keep you close. If he doesn't lose you, he wins. He gets both you and the other girl he cheated on you with.

Right now you can't have a friendship with him and be honest with yourself, and be in a healthy state of mind. You know you need to heal from this, and allowing him to stick around will only hinder you. And it will also be very painful for you to hear stuff about him and the girl.

Trust me, you don't want any more of this drama. Don't let him string you along. He cheated, he messed up - rather than play his game and let him off the hook, banish him from your life. He hurt you, he doesn't deserve your friendship. And you deserve to be happy and to be with someone who will truly value you and won't take advantage of your feelings and trust.

So, even though it will be hard, you need to do what's best for you, which would be to get away from him, build yourself back up, and move forward and enjoy your life.

Best of luck to you Niki......
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2011
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 1:41pm
Thanks for the advice but for me it's really hard because I always did things with him and it feels like I lost my other half and I always find myself thinkin about calling to hear his voice. Nobody is giving me a reason to stop thinkin of him which I can't . Is this a Normal feeling because I find myself wanting him back more now that were apart
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 12:23am
It's totally normal to feel like that. At the biological level, your brain has developed attachment and near-addiction to him. Being away from someone who you have been so close to, and who is now not around as much or in the same way, is going to hurt badly.

BUT, even though it's hard, it is still better in the long run for you to stand strong and move forward with your life.

I don't think that's possible if he's popping in and out, dragging you back into the past, where you love him and think you're meant to be together, only to discover he has someone else on the side.

If you truly want a friendship - fine. But if the break up is still fresh, your feelings will not be of friendship, and this will make things very complicated and difficult, not to mention even more painful and confusing for you.

Plus, it opens you up to him possibly making a move on you, which you may think you want at some point, but it will only set you back. And feeling like you are his on the side girl, after being his girlfriend, will NOT be a good feeling. Maybe at first, if you think you are getting "revenge" on the other girl. But she had no committment to you. You boyfriend was suppose to be loyal. And he wasn't. And that's not someone you should want to be around.

So as much as your feelings are trying to convince you that you love him and miss him and that it will be ok to follow his lead on this - don't.

Imagine your very best friend in your shoes. What on earth would you say to her? Seeing her walking on a path that will only bring her more pain? Take yourself out of your own perspective, to GET some perspective.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 1:04am

You did the right thing, of course.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 1:07am

It's only been a few days, and of course you miss him. Just keep reminding yourself why he's gone.......he cheated on you........and you will never trust him again.