knock some sense into me..please!
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| Mon, 11-01-2004 - 5:37pm |
We have had a bit of contact..him calling to see how I was and emailing me a few times. then last week i emailed him some funny political joke...and then he responded with small talk and so did i and then i felt so dumb...so that wont happen again..
Here is my problem....I cant beleive that I am not any closer to getting over this short relationship. What is wrong with me. I read the other posts here and your stories seems so much worse than mine and you all seem so much stronger.
I have been staying busy with friends but sometimes I wonder if by staying busy I am not dealing with my feelings...and I have NO desire to meet someone else...why do i feel this way...
I was falling for him but we had not said i love you....his actions led me to believe that he had strong feelings for me...his friends are all baffled by his behavior too...
It is my first relationship in 3 years....I broke up a six year relationship 3 years ago and i think it took me this long to get ready for another but help....I dont want to wait another 3 years...I feel like I am building this up to be more than it was...I think I am grieving what could have been more than what was..
and i have no bad memories of our time together....except the day he dumped me.....everything before that was so much fun and he seemed like such a great guy..I have this nagging feeling that i blew it with this great guy and cant figure out what i did...
any advice would be appreciated....thanks so much...this board really does give good advice and does help

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Block him from emailing you if need be. Once you have a solid month with NO contact (either actual or attempted contact from him), you'll feel much better, I promise!
The other thing that will help is related to acceptance: stop yourself whenever you start daydreaming about how great things were with him and say something like, "gosh, it was fun. But we obviously aren't right for each other, or he wouldn't have ended things like he did. That doesn't mean I'm bad or wrong or that he is, we're just not right for each other. I accept that and am moving on."
Sheri
i feel so pathetic that i am making such a big deal about a very short and not very serious relationship...and i am 26 years old...not a high school girl
the hardest part is the lonliness and the rejection and I am having a hard time finding people to do things with...all my girlfriends are in serious relationships....and my best girlfriend is dating his best friend...who i set her up with...so she is not there for me either....
but i will do the no contact thing...AGAIN ...hopefully this time i will learn
I agree with Sheri, time, acceptance & no contact is key. My breakup was 3 months ago and only about 1 week ago did I start to turn the corner. Here's a few things that helped me:
1. This board! There are some really great people on here giving great advice.
2. I read "He's Just Not that Into You" - some love it, some don't. When I looked back at what I thought was a "perfect" relationship, I discovered it wasn't. Some of the signs were there and I was making excuses for him. At the end of the day, it made me realize that I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. It really is that simple.
3. No contact... this one is kind of interesting since we work together. Up until about a week ago, my stomach turned everytime I looked at him. Today I saw him & for the first time, I realized that I don't want him back. It really is outta sight, outta mind.
4. Keep busy! This one sounds tough for you since you don't have single girlfriends. You might want to try volunteering, joining a gym, or some other sort of a club to meet new people. The less nights home alone to think about what happened, the better off you will be!
Good luck, I know that it can be an emotional roller coaster in the early stages, but as more time passes it will get easier :)
like to go out to dinner with my dad and me....maybe that was too soon but i thought it would be rude not to ask him.
i guess what is tearing me up is that i blew it by not playing the rules...by trying to rush something that may have evolved over time...and i still think of him as a nice guy...i cant say he is a jerk for not wanting to be with me. it seems like just when i finally let my guard down and was opening up to him he left.....i really need more dating experience.
for all i know there could be another girl from his past that came back...i really do not know much about his romantic past ... he took a trip to his old college town right before this happened and maybe he ran into a past love....but he would never admit that.
i think i got the best explanation i am going to get but i still feel so rejected and lonely and i dont think i am in the best frame of mind to go out and make new friends...i am just not myself....i was so happy a month ago....i want to get back to that feeling..
oh well...i know it takes time
my dad says that when people go on a bender like that it can color their decision making ability and make them paranoid...
so maybe what lost was not that great....after 3 months he was starting to show his real self....it was too hard to maintain the facade...
Relationships move at different speeds for different people, it just depends on so many things. The speed of the relationship was comfortable for you (and apparently him for a while) so don't beat yourself up for falling for him. Even though I was with my ex for four months it really hurt and was just as emotionally jarring to me as when my previous year long relationship ended. I have learned lessons from my most recent breakup, just use this experience as a learning lesson for your next relationship but don't dwell on what you could have done to salvage this past relationship.
No contact is the way to go, it has been 3 weeks since my ex and I had any sort of contact. Sometimes I still miss him but I feel so removed from what we had *because we haven't spoken* that he truly is not a part of my everyday life anymore and I do not long for what I did have with him. Moving on feels so wonderful! I changed his name a few times in my phone to some rather obscene names (I actually had fun doing that) and eventually two weeks ago I just deleted the idiot because I know he ain't callin :)
Just keep busy and don't contact him in any manner, it will pass I promise :)
i know i will have good days and bad but hopefully the good will outweigh the bad soon...
i really do want to believe he is a committment phobe....he does have all the signs...i need to remember that.
it helps me to hear that you also had a rough time with a four month relationship...and know that it is possible to fall for a guy so quickly....as soon as he made sure i trusted him then he changed....maybe he does not know why he is the way he is....
again..thanks and good luck to you too.
Sunday was seven weeks since we broke up. We haven't had total NC since then, but that started on October 15, and I can honestly say things have gotten easier since then.
From everything you've said about this guy he just sounds like a jerk. What's amazing and I think the hardest thing to get over, is how he could be so into you and then just not want the relationship anymore, right? That's the hard thing to get over, not him per se, but just the notion that someone could really fool you like that. It sort of makes you doubt yourself and your ability to be able to spot someone who's being dishonest.
Also, the fact that the relationship was all good makes it difficult to get over as well. On the other hand, it also sounds like there was plenty not to like, the drinking and pot-smoking for instance. While you're not a high school girl, 26 is still pretty young! You still have at least one great love ahead of you! Take your time to heal ... it happens when it happens. But trust me, you WILL HEAL, and you WILL get over him, completely.
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