the latest-still SO upset
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| Sat, 07-09-2005 - 3:15pm |
On Thursday I just had another conversation with him. This is by far the most horrific experience. He is completely blaming me for ruining his life. Verbatim. I can't deal. He said he has gone from loving me more than anyone in his life to hating me more than anyone in his life. That he now "HATES" me. He kept asking me "so, you are seriously not moving with me" "we had a plan, you had a committment to me, to do this" I kept telling him that I was unhappy, was all he wanted for me to be unhappy? He tried to say no but then kept saying that I owed it to him. That everyone he has talked to-and he said they all knew me well-were absolutely appalled at what I was doing to him (everyone I know, including some of his good friends, seem to think I am doing the right thing). He was telling me that I was making him move away by himself and live with his dad, that was the last thing he wanted to do. He told me that he and his mom had all these "talks" and that his plan once we moved there was to improve his temper-but that I had to help him with it b/c he wanted to change but it was really, really hard for him-and that he wanted us to go get counselling together (I think this is a new thing he decided to come up with). That he wanted to start making money, save up for a nice engagement ring and then get married and really thought we would be happy. That he trusted me and couldn't belive I had the audacity to do something like this over the phone. ***for those of you who have criticized me doing this over the phone, due to his temper and the fact i TRIED twice to take a break in person, but he would have none of it and after hours and hours of conversation in person I just got so exhausted that I gave in.***
He mostly stayed really angry at me and said that he was going to delete me from his life forever. That he never would talk to me, see me, read my emails, look at my pictures or anything at all ever again. He said that he was going to get his dog and then he wanted me to never have anything to do with her again. He is insisiting that I get up to our storage unit on the 12th (which is a tuesday) to separate our stuff and he'd say adios and never think about me again. I now have to miss a bunch of work because of this. This is the worst possible way a break up could go down, honestly. He said I was crazy to think that after a few months he'd actually think of getting back together with me, that if I did this to him NOW, at "this most crucial time in his life," he would never in a zillion years dream of getting back together with me. That if we were going to "work it out" then we had to do it together. That EVERYONE he has talked to thinks I am an awful, horrible person for doing this to him. I am stunned and sad and crying right now. I kept telling him that I DO love him, but it wasn't "right" right now, but if it was meant to be then it would work out. He said there is no way in h*ll I love him or even did, that I have to stop lying about it.
Even after all that I am going back to all these memories of good times we've had, things we've done, or even snippets of things that made me happy with him. What am I supposed to do-both logistically and emotionally? I kept telling him that his reaction is WHY I have to make this decision, he kept playing martyr and saying that "oh, yea, all I have been is an a*hole, a dick, I treat you terribly all the time"....I told him it wasn't all the time but yes those times have started to really have an effect on me. He said he knows he has a temper and wants to change it but it is an every day struggle. That I am just as bad to him but he has thicker skin and I am a drama queen. That anything he has said, names he has called me are just words. But then he would also turn around and say how great he had imagined things were going to get, that our relationship was really going to grow strong once we moved out of this town....but now I have ruined everything for him, that he has a committment to his dad to go and take over these properties, but that WE were supposed to do it, that he would never have agreed to do it on his own but that he holds true to his word and wouldn't do what I am doing to him to his father........
I am so sick over all of this, and so ridiculously upset. I really don't think it could be worse than it is. And what IF I am alone for the rest of my life? He said that it was all karma, it would come an haunt me and someone would do something equally as mean to me one day and then maybe I would regret my decision. I think in his heart of hearts he wants it to be good, that he really believes it could have been. That he has never, ever been hurt like this and that my approach was really low-by doing it on the phone. I said we have had these talks before to no avail, he claimed he was really working on things (and truthfully, he has gotten a bit better over the past couple of months, but he still says really hurtful things and I think I just got numb to it all). And who knows, maybe it could have? Now that chance is gone. I know you are going to read this and say "see how bad he is" but there is still something that is just killing me about all of it.
I am seriously such a wreck right now-obviously we are going through it but now I have to meet him in a storage unit and bid him farewell?
I just can't bear to go through with it. I am just so sad, guilty, etc over all this.

You really need to stop talking to him. He's speaking out of hurt and anger, but you really don't need to listen to him.
Can't you go to the storage unit at another time so you don't have to see him? I sure would!!! If you can't for some reason, bring a friend with you so he's less likely to say hurtful things to you.
Sheri
So??? Let him get angry!! At least the other person will be there to give you support. If you really think he will be angry, I would definitely NOT go alone.
How important is the stuff, anyway? Could you just NOT pick it up and be ok with that? If that's an option, I think that would be best.
Sheri
Ok, if it can't be avoided, then go, but I wouldn't risk going alone. Good luck, and I hope you can get it overwith SOON, so you can start no contact!
Sheri