Laughing...
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| Sun, 01-16-2005 - 7:40pm |
I went away this past weekend and visited some good friends of mine at a university in another city. I had a GREAT time. If you've read any of my more recent posts, you can probably tell that I'm doing MUCH better and finally moving on with my life. I haven't had any contact with my ex in almost two months and to be honest, I haven't even thought about him all that much. I've been working on some of my insecurities and have become a stronger and better person.
But I was visiting a city that I had told him all about, a place that he had wanted to come explore with me (we were long-distance). So that made me think of him and feel a little nostalgic because we never got the chance to do so. My friends and I were also doing some partying and drinking a bit, so I actually had an urge to contact him, for the first time in a long time. But I DIDN'T (thank god!)...and I was really proud of myself when I woke up this morning. It was great realizing how far I've come since my breakup, and I was so glad I was strong enough to resist contacting him.
In my last e-mail to him, I told him that he wouldn't be hearing from me again and not to contact me anymore. He sent me a text message about a week after I wrote that, wishing me a "happy belated thanksgiving." I never responded and haven't heard from him since.
Well, I got home this afternoon and checked my online screenname. I had left it signed on all weekend, using an away message to explain where I had gone. Guess who had left me an instant message? Yes, that's right--the ex. I was SO shocked to see it...I figured that he had taken me off his buddy list, as I have done to him. All that the instant message said was, "you suck!" It said that he had sent it at about 8 am this morning. And you know what I did? I LAUGHED.
Not too long ago, this would have made me miserable. I would have been very upset/hurt, and I most likely would have tried to contact him. I used to care so much about what my ex thought of me (we did not end on good terms)...I wanted us to be friends. But as time has passed and my self-esteem has grown, I am realizing just how lucky I am NOT to have him in my life anymore. I am SO much better off without him! It took me a long time to realize it (over six months), but I've made it...and it feels great :)
I used to wonder what he wanted whenever he would contact me. I would feel hopeful and think that maybe he wanted to be friends/get back together, etc. Now I just feel amused and annoyed. I'm finally considering just blocking his phone # and online screenname so he can't contact me anymore. However, I must admit that a part of me finds it fun to let him contact me and not respond (hey, I'm not a saint!).
I don't know why he contacted me and said "you suck!" and to tell you the truth, I don't care. Maybe he was drunk, maybe he saw my away message and was upset that I had gone to that city without him, maybe he was just being a jerk. It doesn't matter. I am SO happy that I have reached the point of not wondering what he wants and not caring about it. I wasn't excited to hear from him, and I'm certainly not going to respond to that. He has no respect for me and you know what? I've lost my respect for him as well.
I'm better off without him...I think I've finally reached the point where I can say that and truly mean it :)

Doesn't it feel good. I also have been feeling really good. In fact I do feellike I'm over the breakup. I haven't spoken to my ex since mid-October when me and his other girlfriend confronted him at his place. I was hurting bad for the longest time and even began therapy.
I had a great holiday season spending it with family and friends and on New Years, I partied hard and even took comfort in the arms of a new man. When I got home the next morning, I was giggling to myself thinking I know I had more fun than my ex.
It's been almost 4 months since my devastating breakup and I feel 100% better. I believe I will end my counseling this month and I've already begun seeing new guys.
To all the newly heartbroken, time does heal wounds and you will begin to feel better. Sometimes though, you really have to work hard at willing the pain away. I decided right after the breakup that I would be dating again soon after and 3 months down the line, in a much better state. And it happened. I got so wrapped up in the new guys I'm meeting that I forgot all about my ex and we were together 8 years.
Life will go on and get better.
Thanks! Good for you as well...I'm glad to hear that you're doing better.
You are right--it IS weird how much we base our self-worth on what other people say/think...and it's also wrong. My self-esteem has grown SO much since my breakup first occurred. I am happy to say that I have finally realized that I am a wonderful person, and that as long as I am happy within myself, it doesn't matter what others (particularly my ex) think of me! :)
"It’s surprising how many persons got through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you’re not comfortable within yourself, you can’t be comfortable with others."
Knowing that you're pretty much healed DOES feel great. You are right in saying that time really does heal all wounds. A breakup is something that you have to work through, not something that you can just "get over." It's healthy to take the time to work out your grief and insecurities. I know that I've become a much happier, more secure individual since my breakup and I'm now seeing it as a blessing in disguise.
It's great that you're having so much fun and moving on with your life, meeting new men, etc...I just hope you don't jump into anything too quickly. You should really take this time to focus on yourself; I'm not saying to stop having fun, just be careful :) Good luck and stay strong! <3
Thanks for your kind words :)
You are right, I am at a MUCH happier and better place right now than I was when my breakup first occurred...and you will reach that point as well. Just give it some more time and patience :) It's awesome that you have established no-contact with your ex...that definitely helps. Good for you!
Stay strong and keep up the great work! Take care of yourself <3